


Cuddling is Manly

by breathingdestiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Best Friends, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Cats, Coming Out, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dean/Cas Big Bang Challenge 2015, Demisexual Castiel, Dorks in Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Homophobic Language, Hugs, Jealousy, John is dead, Lisa Not Being an Asshole, M/M, Marvel References, Massage, Mutual Pining, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, Underage Drinking, Unresolved Sexual Tension, mary is alive, one kiss between cas/meg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-19
Updated: 2015-11-19
Packaged: 2018-05-02 10:53:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 46,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5245607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/breathingdestiel/pseuds/breathingdestiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel Novak has just lost a longtime friend, his cat Moon, whom he had since he was nine.  After a while he realizes that his grades are slipping and that he has a hard time focusing on studying, all because he used to do it while petting Moon. When his best friend Dean notices that something is wrong, they cuddle together, believing it would help Cas. But what was supposed to be a one time thing turns into a regular cuddling between them, complicating Cas' already complicated feelings towards Dean.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I want to thank my wonderful artist [Maris](http://delicious-irony.tumblr.com) for creating such a gorgeous [art](http://delicious-irony.tumblr.com/post/133552093593/dcbb-2015-cuddling-is-manly-by-breathingdestiel) for this fic and for betaing this fic. Go reblog it! I also want to thank my other beta, [Hilary](http://harryjamcs.tumblr.com).
> 
> I've been working on this story since April and I'm so happy I can finally share it. This is the fic I am proud of the most. It's something I have wrote because it was something I wanted to read (it's basically a mix of all my favorite tropes). I hope you'll like it too!
> 
>  
> 
> [my tumblr](http://breathingdestiel.tumblr.com)

 

It started with a cat. Or, to be more accurate, it started with the death of a cat.

Moon had been in the Novak family since Cas had been nine years old. His older sister Hael had begged their mother for months to buy them a pet, until Naomi had finally caved in and brought them home a little gray Siberian cat. As Hael got older, though, her interest in Moon slipped away, but Cas was happy to take a responsibility for the cat. He loved her and she became one of his best friends.

Not a lot of people understood the connection he shared with his furry little friend, but Cas didn't care. It was their loss anyway, because they must have never felt the love of an animal.

But Cas did. Moon loved him as much as he loved her. The moment Cas came back from school, Moon would be there jumping into his waiting arms. He would feed her, clean her, play with her and in return she would keep him company. Doing homework, studying, reading, watching TV- all of it became unimaginable without her curled in his lap, his fingers petting her long, soft fur.

For that reason it hit him hard when she suddenly got sick and died.

On a rainy Thursday in November, he got home wet because he had forgotten his umbrella that morning, and his best friend Dean was sick so he couldn't give him a ride like usual. As he shut the door behind him, he noticed his mother waiting for him. She furrowed her eyebrows when he gave her a questioning glance.

"Castiel. Something happened," she paused, "Moon wasn't feeling well, so I took her to the vet."

Cas nodded, he had noticed Moon's unusual behavior. "Is she going to be okay?"

Naomi's eyes softened and she tilted her head. "Oh, sweetie. I'm really sorry, but she suddenly got worse and there was nothing the vet could do. She passed away quickly and in minimal pain."

Cas was sure getting hit by a truck would hurt less than those words. His vision blurred and he stopped breathing for a moment. Naomi was talking, but none of her words reached him.

A hot wetness traced down his cheek, and his mother's arms enveloped him in a tight hug.

For a moment he hoped it was all a dream, but the pain in his heart was too real.

The next day, he stayed home. He refused to get out of his bed, eat, or talk. Only when Dean came over later and coaxed him into eating did he give in.

The following few days weren't any better either, but he couldn't avoid going to school.

More than a week later he walked to his locker, aware of everyone's eyes on him. He wasn't surprised, he had seen himself in the mirror earlier: dark bags hung under his tired eyes in stark contrast to his skin, which was even paler than usual. Considering he hadn't slept for a week, his appearance wasn't surprising.

Though he knew he looked like shit, he didn't appreciate some ass asking him when he had turned into a zombie. Not feeling like his usual self, Cas awarded him with his deadliest glare, but spared him an insult.

His best friend stood beside his locker, waiting for him and not even trying to hide the concern plastered on his face. Any other time, Cas would be elated that Dean was paying attention to him, but at that moment he wanted to be left alone.

"Hey, Cas. How you doing? Have you eaten anything? You look like shit," Dean bombarded him with inquiries the moment Cas was close enough to hear him.

"I know I look like shit. I _feel_ like shit, so it isn't surprising," Cas answered as he dug through his locker. "You don't have to worry about me, Dean."

"I'm your best friend. It's in job to worry about you," Dean said as he put a hand on Cas' shoulder, forcing Cas to look at him. "Do you want to come over to my house later? Mom baked a pie."

As he stared into those pleading green eyes, Cas couldn't bring himself to refuse the offer. Not being alone might be better for him; it would distract him from sad memories.

Accepting the offer, he received a radiant grin in return. Even in his grieving state that grin made his insides squirm, and a small smile of his own formed.

Later he went over to the Winchesters' house and was greeted by a gentle smile belonging to Mary Winchester. She was always nice to him and it wasn't any different this time. As soon as she saw him, she hugged him.

"Oh, honey. I'm so sorry about Moon. I know how much you loved her."

"Thank you, Mrs. Winchester."

Mary sent him to Dean's room with a plate of delicious smelling pie and he hurried upstairs, where he heard the sound of familiar arguing.

"Dude, Iron Man is so much better. With the armor and everything."

"It's only because he has _money,_ Dean. Captain America is better."

Cas knocked on the half-open door and walked inside the room. "Hello, Dean, Sam."

"Cas, I'm glad you're here. Now I don't have to listen Dean's stupid arguments anymore," Sam told him, smirking at Dean before his eyes fell on Cas and softened. "How are you, Cas?"

"I'll be okay, Sam. Don't worry," He ruffled Sam's hair and the younger boy pouted.

Dean laughed at Sam, but smiled when Cas sat beside him on the bed. "Hey, Cas. Have you tried the pie?"

"I'll try it now. Are we watching a movie?"

Not waiting for an answer, he took a bite of the pie and moaned in appreciation. After he had eaten it all, Sam and Dean got into another fight about superheroes. In the end they didn't watch a movie. Still, it was nice spending time with his friends. It made the pain fade away for a couple of hours.

The first serious sign of a problem showed up a couple of days later, when Cas got an F on his English test, shocking everyone, most of all his mother.

"I know you've been having a hard time lately, but you can't let this become a norm. Think about your future, Castiel,"Naomi said, her eyes filled with concern.

"I'm sorry, mother. My teacher will let me retake the test and I'll study harder this time, I promise."

He knew his mother worried about him and not about his grades, but Cas decided to keep his word. Not only because of her, but because English was his favorite subject and the foundation of his dream career. For several years, he had planned on becoming a writer, and failing English class wouldn't help him achieve that dream.

The main problem was his inability to focus. He was used to studying while petting Moon, and he found himself unable to do it any other way.

Anything he had tried had turned out to be useless. He had even gone so low as to try petting a pillow and had been left frustrated and sad.

Cas needed a warm, living body to cuddle with and he needed it soon.

While lying in bed that evening, Cas went through his options. Buying a new cat or any other pet so soon was out of the question; he wasn't ready for that step. Without any other choice, he was left with humans to consider.

His mother and sister weren't affectionate, at least not in a psychical way, so it'd be unusual if Cas asked them for cuddles. Not to mention that he was eighteen years old and had outgrown cuddling with family members. Doing it with friends brought another problem: it was considered a romantic activity. Despite that, he tried to think of someone who would agree to do it.

Hannah was a friend from school. They weren't too close, but Cas was sure she would say yes. However, he was also sure that she had more-than-friendly feelings for him and he wouldn't want to lead her on.

Charlie was another friend and she was a lesbian, so she wouldn't confuse his request with an attempt at seduction. He had met her through Dean, who was closer to her, and Cas was afraid their friendship wasn't on that level yet, so she wasn't the right choice either.

Which brought him to the one person he didn't want to think about: Dean. His friend since first grade. His crush since freshman year. Oh, how he would love to hold Dean in his arms and be held in return... but it would never happen.

Dean was straight. Three ex-girlfriends and his current one, Lisa, were proof enough. But maybe, maybe if Cas explained and asked him cuddling just one time Dean would say yes. They had been friends for a long time, so maybe the fact they were both men wouldn't bother Dean too much. Maybe.

That idea, that horrible idea, refused to leave his head. For the next couple of days, every time Dean was close, Cas got an urge to throw himself into his arms. So he started avoiding Dean, especially when he was with Lisa.

Lisa was an amazing person, and even though she was with a person Cas wanted for himself, he couldn't bring himself to dislike her. She was his main reason for avoiding Dean, because, no matter how wonderful Lisa was, jealousy had taken root deep down in his chest, which in return invoked guilt. Either way, he was surrounded by negative emotions without seeing a way out.

Something was up. Dean was pretty sure Cas was avoiding him, but he couldn't figure out why. Maybe it was related to his grief. Moon's death had hit Cas hard and Dean realized he should have done more to comfort his friend.

The following Friday, he decided to spend the whole weekend with Cas, only the two of them. The last time they had spent more than fifteen minutes alone had been too long ago and Dean missed it. He was sure Cas did too.

After school he went home, took a quick shower, and hurried to Cas' house.

"Dean, Castiel didn't tell me you'd be coming over," Naomi said, as she opened the door.

He scratched the back of his neck with a sheepish smile. "Sorry, Ma'am. I kinda forgot to tell him. If it's a problem I can come back later."

"Don't be silly. He's in his room, I'm sure he'll be glad you're here."

Dean grinned and made his way upstairs. When he got closer he heard loud metal music coming from Hael's room. That girl was hardcore and if he hadn't known her for years Dean would be a bit scared of her. She shared that trait with her brother.

He informed Cas of his presence with a light knock on the door, but he didn't wait for an answer and barged in.

Not in a million years would he have imagined the sight that greeted him. Cas was lying on his bed surrounded by dozen of stuffed animals, holding them close to his chest and nuzzling the one closest to him.

"What the actual-" Dean didn't get the chance to finish the question because Cas realized he was there and sat up, sending a couple of toys flying to the floor.

"Dean! What are you doing here?"

"I came over to hang out, but I see you've already got company." Dean pointed at the toys on Cas' bed. "Where did you get those?"

"Attic. They are Hael's old toys. I-I was, I mean I don't usually play with stuffed animals, but I wasn't in a good mood and- and, I needed to pet something."

Dean quirked his eyebrows as Cas stuttered his explanation, "Pet?"

"Yes. You see, when Moon was alive I would always pet her, and now that- that she's gone... I miss her and I can't focus on anything because I'm used to having her around." Cas admitted while moving the toys to one corner of the bed.

"Oh, man. I'm sorry you're feeling this way, but you don't have to feel ashamed. You lost someone important." Dean walked over to the bed and sat on the edge, "Is this why you've been acting weird lately? And avoiding me?"

He didn't mean to sound bitter, but as the words came out of his mouth he realized Cas' behavior had hurt him more than he had thought. They were supposed to be best friends, and best friends told each other when something bothered them.

Cas looked down at his hands, "I'm sorry. I didn't think you'd notice."

"Of course I noticed, Cas!" Dean almost yelled, but he softened his voice when Cas flinched. "After mom and Sam, you're the most important person in my life. Of course I noticed you were _avoiding_ me."

"Thank you, Dean. I promise I won't do it again." Cas fidgeted and still refused to look at Dean.

"It's okay, buddy. Is there something else bothering you? Can I do anything to help?" Dean asked and he was sure Cas blushed at the question. _What was that about?_

At last Cas looked up, biting his lower lip. "There may be something you can do. I'd be really grateful if you did. I know it'd be weird, but I think it would help me. And you are the only person I can ask. It can only be for few minutes and I can bake you a pie in return or anything else you want and-"

"Wow, stop talking, Cas," Dean cut in and put his hands on Cas' legs. "I'll do it."

"You don't even know what it is yet. I won't be mad if you say no because I know you don't like that kind of thing."

"Cas! You're blabbing again. I'm sure it's nothing bad, just say it."

"I want you to cuddle with me!" Cas exclaimed.

Silence stretched over them as they stared at each other.

"You… what?" Dean croaked. Cas wasn't a fan of physical contact, so his request left Dean baffled.

"I-I want- actually, forget I said anything. It doesn't matter." Cas lay on his side, turning his back to Dean.

"Woah, man, no, wait. It's just- you're usually not touchy-feely at all, so I'm just confused." Dean put his hand on Cas' shoulder to turn him around, so Cas could see he was being serious, "Come on."

"Most people have a need for close physical contact. When I had Moon, she fulfilled that need, but now..." Cas shrugged, but still didn't turn around. "I'm sorry I asked you. Saying it out loud made me realize how stupid it is."

"No, Cas, it's not stupid." Dean rubbed his neck, "I get it, man. If you really want to, I can do it." When Cas jerked around, his eyes wide, Dean pointed a finger at him. "But only once."

Cas responded with a vigorous nod and beamed. "Thank you so much. You have no idea how much this means to me."

That grateful, happy expression was enough to convince Dean that he was doing the right thing, even though he couldn't shake off the slight awkwardness. Guys usually didn't cuddle with other guys. Unless they were into that. Which Dean wasn't. But since this was Cas, he guessed he could get behind it.

"Don't tell anyone," he said.

Cas nodded once again, "Of course not. I realize this may be an inconvenience to you."

Dean sighed. "No, it's not _'an inconvenience'_ it's just not anyone else's business."

Several moments of staring at each other later, Dean cleared his throat and looked at the floor. "So any idea how we're gonna do this?"

"Well, um, you should lie with me on the bed." Cas scooted closer to the wall and patted a spot beside him.

Dean complied and they found themselves lying on their sides beside each other, propped up on their elbows, their eyes locked on each other's. Despite their initial intent, contact between their bodies was nonexistent.

"So, you gonna come here or what?" Dean spread his arms, suggesting that Cas should move closer.

Cas frowned at him, "I think _I_ should hold _you_ , so you should come here." He copied Dean's previous action and gestured towards himself.

"Dude, no. I'm doing you a favor here. You ain't gonna _hold_ me." He grabbed Cas' arms and pulled him towards himself, but he used too much force and they bumped their heads.

Cas toppled onto him, and the sudden weight on his torso made him groan in pain.

"I'm sorry, Dean. I-" Cas attempted to get up, but he lost his balance and fell on the floor, dragging Dean with him.

This time, Dean collapsed on top of Cas. After a few moments of catching their breath, Dean laughed. He looked up and caught Cas frowning.

"Cas. We're so dumb." He grinned and was relieved when Cas smiled back. "Come on, let's try again."

Dean got up and offered his hand to Cas, hauling him to his feet.

Without letting go of Cas' hand, Dean laid down on the bed and with a gentle pull he led Cas down. They found a comfortable position with Cas lying on his side, head on Dean's chest and his waist in the firm hold of Dean's arm, their legs tangled together.

After the slight awkwardness wore off, they both relaxed. Cas let out a sigh and burrowed himself further into Dean's arms.

It was... nice. He and Cas didn't share prolonged touches often, but Dean found himself enjoying the moment.

Cas' hair tickled his neck, so when he tried to move around to avoid it, he caught the amazing smell of Cas' shampoo. In the most subtle way he could, he brought his nose closer to Cas' hair and inhaled deeply.

"Dean, are you sniffing me?" Cas asked. He sounded amused and Dean's face grew hot.

"I- um. Yes, but I, I mean, I wanted to know what shampoo you're using. It's nice. Shampoo, that is." Dean stared at the ceiling as he babbled like a fool.

Cas chuckled, "Calm down, it's okay. I didn't accuse you of murder, no need to be so defensive."

"I'm not." He was. "I'm surprised it smells so nice. Better than Lisa's. Hers smells too flowery."

Dean swore he could feel Cas rolling his eyes and was about to tell him off when Cas stiffened in his arms.

"What is it?"

"Do you think she would be angry if she found out we're cuddling?"

"Who? Lisa? No, she'd understand. I mean guys usually don't get snuggly with their guy friends, but this was an emergency and she'd get that. Besides, she won't find out."

Cas hummed in agreement. "If you're sure... I don't want to cause any problems for you. Cuddling is usually done between... romantically involved people."

Dean snorted at Cas' choice of words. "Don't worry about it, buddy. It's not like we're actually _romantically involved_."

The way Dean said it made Cas' chest tighten. Of course, Cas knew Dean would never feel the same, but still, hearing him say it, in an almost mocking way, hurt more than he'd expected.

Cas lay there, Dean's heartbeat drumming in his ear and realized how foolish he was- asking for this. Now he would have to continue his life with knowing how it felt to be in Dean's arms, but he would never get to enjoy it again.

He sighed and made a move to sit up. They had been cuddling for more than ten minutes already; it had to be too much for Dean.

"Where are you going?" Dean tightened his grip around Cas' waist, drawing Cas back against him.

"I think that was enough, Dean. Thank you for your help, but if you'll please just let me-" Cas struggled to wriggle out of Dean's hold.

"No, Cas. I think you need more time. Plus, I was starting to doze off," Dean grumbled and refused to let him go, so Cas looked up.

His friend had closed his eyes. Rolling his own eyes, Cas relaxed again. If Dean was going to use this for napping, he could too.

For at least an hour, they stayed in the same position, sleeping until the loud sound of ' _Ramble On_ ' shook them awake. Dean fished his phone out of his pocket and answered it.

"Hey, Mom. No, sorry, we were watching TV and I completely lost track of time. I'll be home in five minutes. Yeah, okay. Love you too."

"I'm sorry for making you late for dinner. I fell asleep," Cas said and disentangled himself from Dean's hold. He sat up and rubbed his eyes.

"Don't worry. I fell asleep too," Dean said and when Cas raised his chin to look at him, he was wearing a small, fond smile which Cas couldn't help but return. He was glad they weren't awkward with each other.

Dean's sudden chuckle made Cas frown in confusion. "You've got a bedhead, Cas."

"Oh." Cas tried to flatten his hair, but he failed, judging by the way Dean was trying to stop himself from laughing. "Don't laugh at me, asshole."

His words made Dean burst out laughing and Cas joined in, unable to resist.

After their laughter died off, they kept looking at each other until Dean looked away and cleared his throat. Cas wasn't sure if he saw it right, but he could have sworn Dean's cheeks turned pink for a few moments.

"Well, I gotta go, but I was thinking, maybe we could hang out together this weekend. And actually _do_ something, not just sleep." Dean rubbed the back of his neck while he spoke.

Cas started to nod before he remembered his plans, "No, wait. I can't, actually. We're going to visit my uncle. But maybe next weekend," he added the last part after disappointment crossed Dean's face.

Dean lit up. "Yeah, of course. But, I really have to go now or Mom's gonna be pissed. See ya," He clasped Cas' shoulder and left the room.

Cas laid down again and wondered if he had been dreaming. But he caught Dean's smell on his pillow and stupid butterflies started dancing a tango in his stomach. He groaned, but couldn't stop the smile forming on his face. After all, he had slept in the arms of a person he loved and even though it wouldn't happen again, he could let himself be happy for a moment. That was probably the best and the worst experience he'd ever had.

Considering the fact that Cas had other plans, Dean decided to take Lisa on a date on Saturday. She squealed with delight when he called her, and they agreed they would go to the cinema.

He and Lisa had been dating for five months and they had been on several dates, but most of the time they hung out with their friends or they made out in one of their rooms. The change of routine was refreshing, but for some reason he didn't feel too excited.

As he got ready and put on his best clothes he remembered the day before and what he and Cas had done . He would never admit it out loud, but he loved cuddling.

When he was a child, he had always cuddled with his mother, but at some point he had gotten too old for it and they'd stopped. Or if he was honest with himself, they had stopped because he'd felt embarrassed. Especially because of his father who had always teased him about it, in a meaner way than he should have, considering it was coming from a parent. John Winchester had died a long time ago, but still affected Dean's judgment sometimes, even though he was aware how wrong his father had been about many things.

But he missed cuddling. He missed being in such close proximity with another person while they held each other and shared their warmth. He and Lisa kissed often, sometimes while laying in bed, but it wasn't the same. They never just laid together and relaxed.

That was why he had loved doing it with Cas. It was completely platonic and nothing else was expected of them. Even more, Cas was the one who'd asked for it, so Dean not only turned out to be a great friend who'd jumped in to help, but he also didn't have to admit that he loved it. He wasn't sure if Cas was going to ask for a repeat, but Dean was down for it and he even thought about subtly suggesting it to Cas.

He drove to Lisa's house and waited a couple of minutes until Lisa opened the door with a huge smile.

"Hey, Dean," she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him.

Dean kissed her back with equal eagerness. When they parted, he looked her over, "You look amazing."

"Thanks, you too," Lisa said and winked.

The ride to the cinema was quick, but buying the tickets wasn't.

"I'm sorry," Dean said, as they waited in a line. "I should've bought 'em earlier."

"Don't worry, babe, we still have time. Besides, we can always watch something else, or, you know, ditch the movie altogether and go grab something to eat."

"Ah, you know me so well, I'm always in for the food."

They laughed, then Dean's phone beeped.

"Who is it?" Lisa asked him while he read the new message.

"Cas. He's at his uncle's, so he's miserable. He's been texting me all day." Dean shot Cas a reply and turned off the sound on his phone, not wanting it to go off during the movie.

"Oh, is that the one who likes pranking people? Poor Cas."

"Yeah, that's Gabriel. I swear to god, seven year old Cas was more mature than him. But, he's not all that bad."

Gabriel was the brother of Cas' dad, Michael, who had left his family without any warning when Cas was two years old. Ever since then, Gabriel had stood by Naomi's side, cutting all ties with his brother. Dean respected him for that.

Five minutes later, they finally bought their tickets. The movie wasn't anything special, in Dean's opinion, but almost everyone had seen it and Dean didn't like being behind on pop culture. And as someone who planned to major in film studies in college, he had to be involved with new movies.

During the movie Lisa's soft and delicate hand rested interlocked with his own on the armrest between them. It reminded him of the day before when he had briefly held Cas' hand, which was bigger and more masculine. Dean had liked the fact it was almost the same size as his own because it fit better in his grasp.

Not that he wanted to hold Cas' hand. He was only stating the facts, Lisa's hand was the only hand he wanted to hold, even though her ring was pressed against his finger and it irritated his skin.

Two hours later, they went to the Roadhouse and grabbed a meal.

"You two kids are on a date, huh?" Ellen asked them when she brought their order. "Well, I won't bother you and I'll tell Jo not to bother you either."

"Thanks, Ellen," Dean answered with a smile.

Ellen was Mary's best friend and she was like an aunt to him. He used to be scared of her when he was a kid, but now he couldn't imagine his life without her or her daughter Jo.

"We haven't been here in a long time," Lisa said. "But I still remember the first time you brought me here."

"Yeah. I wasn't sure if this was a good place for a first date, didn't know what you were expecting from me," Dean answered. He had been so nervous, but the minute Lisa had assured him she liked the place, he had been relieved.

They spent another hour there, talking and laughing. Dean was ecstatic and glad to be there with his girlfriend because they had been busy since school had started and hadn't had time to talk for this long.

After he drove her home they made out in the car for several minutes before Lisa's dad knocked on the window. They parted with a laugh and said their goodbyes.

Dean went home and changed into his pajamas. He took his phone and saw two unread messages from Cas.

_I'm not sure who'll kill him first: my mother or me. He told me to turn on the TV and there was porn on there. My mother turned green._

_I'm sorry for interrupting you. I just remembered you are on a date. Have fun. :)_

Dean smiled and sent his reply: _At least you got to see that look on your mom's face. And don't worry, you didn't interrupt._

When no reply came, Dean sent another message, presuming Cas went to bed already.

_Good night, Cas. Sleep well. :)_

The next week was busy. Tuesday marked the beginning of December which meant Christmas was around the corner. Cas loved it. His mother was often home, baking; his sister didn't stay locked up in her room, and his family always went to the Winchesters' on Christmas day where they exchanged gifts.

Cas loved buying presents and seeing the happy look on people's faces when they received them. The only problem he had was the ride to the mall. While he could take a bus, he would prefer company while shopping. Asking Dean was out of the question for a couple of reasons. First, Dean wouldn't leave Cas alone so he could buy a gift for him. Second, Dean hated early Christmas shopping and preferred to buy everything at the last moment.

So when he saw Charlie wearing a Christmas sweater in school, he knew he had found his new shopping buddy and Charlie having a car was a welcome bonus.

He walked to Charlie's locker and saw Lisa and Dean standing few feet away, laughing together. Cas sighed and averted his gaze, but to his surprise Charlie was looking in the same direction he had been. While he couldn't see his own face, he suspected it was similar to the one Charlie had at that moment.

"You like Lisa," he blurted out without thinking.

Charlie jumped in surprise and turned around to look at him. "Jesus, Cas. Don't spy on other people." She closed her locker and glanced at the happy couple before walking away. "And I don't have any idea what you're talking about."

Cas followed her. "Charlie, wait. I'm sorry. I only noticed because..." he trailed off, unsure if he should admit the truth.

His silence was enough to ignite Charlie's curiosity, she stopped to observe him. He was saved from an awkward confession when he saw the knowing spark in her eye.

"Oh, shit. Dean, huh?" She looked sad, and he had a perfect understanding of how she felt. "We're very alike, you and I. Falling for straight people, the biggest mistake you could make."

Cas nodded, but wanted to avoid talking about that subject. "There's another thing we have in common. I wanted to talk about it with you, actually."

"Oh, what is it?" She looked up at him with a smile and not a trace of sadness.

"Christmas," he answered and gestured at her sweater. "I wanted to ask you if you would like to go shopping with me."

Charlie's smile grew bigger. "Of course, buddy. I'm so happy you asked me. I thought you didn't like me."

"Oh, no. I like you a lot, but I was unsure if you really wanted to be my friend, considering Dean introduced us."

"You didn't have to worry about that," she reassured him. "You know what happened right now, right? We became best friends." She laughed and punched him on the arm.

Cas rubbed the painful spot. For someone so tiny, Charlie could punch hard. Ignoring his pain, he smiled at her. "I'm glad. I have to go, but we'll talk more later."

"You got it, dude." Charlie answered and they walked away in different directions.

Cas was in an excellent mood for the rest of the day. Even seeing Dean and Lisa kiss goodbye didn't ruin it.

"What's got you so cheerful today?" Dean asked while driving them home.

"Charlie and I are going Christmas shopping," Cas answered.

Dean rolled his eyes. "I should've known you two would bond over that." He smiled. "But I'm glad you're getting along with her. She's awesome."

"That she is."

On Friday afternoon, Cas got ready for the shopping trip and went downstairs to wait for Charlie. In the hallway, he bumped into his sister who was entering the house.

"Hey, baby bro."

"You do know you are only one year older?"

"Yep, that's why you'll always be my little brother." She pinched his cheek and laughed. "You going somewhere?"

"I'm going to the mall with Charlie."

"Charlie, huh? That's Jo's friend, right?"

"Yes." Charlie and Jo were best friends, but since Jo went to a different school, they didn't see each other often. Both he and Charlie met Jo through Dean, but Cas didn't get close to her as Charlie did. "You know Jo?"

Hael played with her lip piercing as she nodded. "Yeah, from the Roadhouse. I hang out there sometimes."

As his sister turned around, he noticed her hair was a different color than that morning.

"I like your hair."

"Thanks," she said as she stopped and looked at him again. "I grew bored of the blue, so purple seemed like a good choice."

"It suits you well."

Hael smiled at him and left.

Even though she could be intimidating, Cas knew his sister was sweet deep inside.

A loud horn interrupted his thoughts. Charlie waited for him in her car and he hurried towards her.

"Hey, there. You ready for shopping?"

"Hello, Charlie. I'm more than ready. Thank you for doing this with me."

"Hey, I'm doing this for me too. I'm used to shopping alone. Sometimes I drag Jo with me, but she's not fun at all. She always complains about hurt feet."

"Dean is the same." Cas said and they laughed. After a few moments Cas decided to speak, "May I ask you something?"

"You just did." Charlie grinned and Cas rolled his eyes.

"Why didn't you try dating Jo? Didn't you use to like her? And she's bisexual, right?"

"I did like her, but I realized I liked her in a best friend kind of way only. Besides, she's head over heels for someone else," Charlie explained and in a quiet voice added, "and so am I."

"If you want to talk about it, I'd be more than happy to listen."

"Nah, I'd rather talk about _your_ crush."

"There's nothing to talk about. I like him and he's straight," Cas said, sounding grumpy even to his own ears.

"Well, I don't want to get your hopes up for no reason, but when I met Dean I didn't think he was straight. Though, when we became friends I forgot about it because I don't like speculating on my friends' sexualities much."

"You could have been wrong."

Charlie sent him an offended glance. "Do you know how many times my gaydar has been wrong? Only two times."

"I guess this is number three. Trust me, I've known Dean for years, I would know if he was interested in men."

"He has a crush on Dr. Sexy."

"Oh, wow. That proves everything," Cas said and Charlie laughed.

"So, you know sarcasm. I like you more and more."

They pulled into the parking lot of one of the shopping malls in Lawrence and Cas focused all his energy on finding perfect gifts.

Cas and Charlie spent most of their savings at the mall, but they had fun and Cas regretted ever feeling insecure around her. She was an amazing friend.

But she could never replace Dean. Even though being in love with Dean hurt, he was still Cas' best friend and Cas wished he could simply eradicate his feelings and go back to normal.

He decided he would make himself fall out of love starting that weekend, but the moment Dean stepped into his room on Saturday afternoon, he knew there was no way he could do it.

"Hey, Cas. Ready for the movie night?" Dean said as he sat on Cas' bed. "I brought Raiders of the Lost Ark." He waved the DVD box in front of Cas' face and beamed.

Cas shook his head. For a heterosexual man, Dean had an unusual fascination with Indiana Jones. "Let me put it in."

Usually, they watched movies at Dean's house, but for some reason Dean asked to come here today. Cas didn't have a DVD player nor a TV in his room, so they used his laptop.

"Should I put it on the foot of the bed?" Cas asked, holding the laptop in his hands. "I'm not sure if we'll see well."

"Well, we could hold it on our legs. So it'll be closer," Dean said and scooted closer to the wall, so Cas could sit beside him.

When Cas sat down he remembered the last time they were in a similar position and felt himself flush at the thought. Their legs touched and Cas carefully placed the laptop on both of their thighs.

He started the movie and turned to look at Dean, "Can you see okay?"

Dean nodded and they turned their attention to the movie. Ten minutes in Dean started fidgeting.

"Hey, Cas," he said after pressing pause. "Do you need more, uh, you know? What we did last week."

"You mean cuddling?" Cas asked, amused by Dean's awkwardness. "I'm okay, Dean."

"Oh, well. I thought, maybe if you wanted to do it again, we could. Like, now. Because it would be more comfortable for us to watch the movie."

Now that Dean mentioned it, Cas realized they were pressed against each other in an uncomfortable manner. And since Dean brought it up there was nothing to lose if he said yes.

"I guess you're right," he agreed after a moment, and Dean looked relieved at his answer. "Put your arm around me."

Dean obeyed and wrapped his arm around Cas' waist, so he snuggled into Dean's chest, while settling most of the laptop on Dean's legs.

"Is this better?" Cas asked.

Dean sighed and leaned his head on top of Cas'. "Yeah, it's good. Can you unpause the movie?"

They watched the movie in silence, but Cas couldn't focus on anything but Dean. Their heads were touching and their legs were glued together. Cas' skin tingled under Dean's warm breath and Dean's steady heartbeat made his own heart threaten to break through his ribcage.

He was hot and he thanked God that he had already watched this movie a hundred times, otherwise he would have embarrassed himself for not noticing anything.

At one point Dean laughed and it shook Cas' body like an earthquake- a pleasant one. No falling out of love for him today, it seemed.

Towards the end of the movie Cas relaxed, but when the credits started to roll a different type of panic crept inside his mind.

"You okay, Cas?"

 _No. I want to stay in your arms forever,_ Cas thought.

"Yes, Dean. Just tired." He got up and placed the laptop on the desk.

"Do you want to take another nap?" Dean asked, looking up at him. "You know, with me?"

Cas tried to hide his shock. Dean wasn't acting like himself, offering something like that a second time in a day.

"There is no need for that, it's getting late. You should go home," Cas said after a moment. Even though he would enjoy it, he should stop torturing himself by getting so close to something he would never have. "But thank you for the offer. I appreciate it."

"No problem, Cas," Dean answered with a smile and got up. "Well, I guess I should head out. I'll call you tomorrow, okay? Bye."

Dean left and Cas let out a huge breath of relief.

Dean walked home, enjoying the cool air on his skin after being pressed against a warm body for the last two hours. He smiled when he remembered how good it had felt being close to Cas, holding him in his arms.

Still, he felt bad for not telling Cas how much he enjoyed it and in some way using Cas' ignorance for his pleasure. But, it'd be a humiliating and awkward confession for both of them, so he was sparing them an uncomfortable situation.

Somewhere deep in the back of his head there was a thought that normal friends didn't cuddle like he and Cas did, and they certainly didn't enjoy it as much, but Dean pushed it back, still high on happiness.

"Hey, Mom. I'm home," he greeted Mary and made his way to his room.

When he lay down on his bed, he realized he had forgotten his DVD. As he grabbed his phone to text Cas, his phone beeped to inform him of a new message.

_You forgot your DVD. I'll bring it to you tomorrow. Good night, Dean._

He texted back, smiling. _Thanks, baby. Good night._

The second he pressed send, he noticed his phone auto-corrected his spelling, so he quickly sent another text. _*Buddy. Damn autocorrect._

Dean burrowed his head in the pillow to hide his blush even though there was no one to see it. Today seemed to be a day for embarrassing things.

He was late. For the first time in years, Castiel Novak was late. His alarm clock apparently stopped working in the middle of the night, so he was awoken by the pounding on the front door.

He dressed quickly and hurried to the door.

"Hey, man. Where were you?" Dean said as soon as Cas opened the door. "And why aren't you ready?" he added after giving Cas a once-over.

"What are you talking about. I'm ready," Cas said as he put on his shoes. "My alarm didn't go off, so I woke up when I heard you knocking. I have to get my bag." Cas ran up the stairs, but he tripped and fell.

"Shit, Cas. Are you okay?" Dean was at his side in a second.

"Yes, I'm fine." Cas brushed Dean off and went to his room. Of course, his bag was nowhere to be found.

"Cas, hurry up. We're gonna be late," Dean shouted and Cas let out a frustrated sigh. As he didn't already know that.

After checking under his bed, he found his bag and rushed downstairs. Dean waited for him in the Impala with the engine running.

The second Cas closed the door of the car, Dean was driving off.

"I can't believe we're gonna be late because of you. This has to be the first time you were late, huh? How does that feel?"

Dean was joking and Cas knew it, but he couldn't stop himself from snapping. "Shut up, Dean. This is the worst thing that could have happened today."

"Wow, sorry for trying to lighten the mood. You're real bitchy today."

Cas didn't respond. He knew he was being rude, but he refused to apologize. Everything was Dean's fault anyway.

Yesterday afternoon, Dean had insisted on studying together and then proceeded to distract him, so after Cas had gone home he'd had to study all over by himself. Of course it took him a long time. He had gone to bed at two a.m. and overslept. Usually he woke by himself before the alarm, but this one time he was too exhausted for that and then his damn alarm hadn't gone off.

He had a test today and he hadn't got enough sleep. Did Dean really expect him to be in a good mood?

When Dean parked in his usual spot, Cas left with a short 'bye'. The school hallways weren't empty yet, which meant they hadn't been completely late. After grabbing his book, Cas hurried to the first class of the day.

Mr. Adler's math was every student's nightmare. He was strict and he didn't care about any of them, so it was a real struggle to pass the class. Of course, both he and Dean were acing it and it made Adler furious.

"How nice of you to join us, Mr. Novak," Adler spat out as Cas entered the classroom, only two seconds after the man himself.

"No problem, sir. I saw you running to the classroom, and I thought it would be fairer to let you go in first, so you could sit down and rest as soon as possible. I'm sure you needed it, considering..." Cas gestured at Adler's large stomach.

Adler's face grew red and Cas regretted his words, but after everything Adler had said to him and others in the past that couldn't even be considered an insult.

For a few seconds there was no sound in the classroom and Cas noticed stunned looks on everyone's faces. Despite the trouble he was in, he felt proud for causing a scene all by himself. Every other time when it had happened in the past, Dean had been involved. Cas was sure that if his friend was in this class, he would have started clapping by now.

"Novak, to the principal's office! And you'll be staying after school for detention. I don't want to see your face again today. Am I clear?" Adler shouted and Cas nodded.

Great, now he had to go to the principal. That was what he got for speaking before thinking. At least Ms. Moseley wasn't as strict as Adler. He was sure her punishment wouldn't be excessive.

A few moments after he knocked on the door a female voice told him to come in.

"Hello, Ms. Moseley. Mr. Adler sent me here."

"Castiel, I'm surprised to see you here. Sit down. What did you do?"

"I-I insulted him and made fun of his body proportions. I regret my words now and I promise I won't do it again."

"I'm disappointed in you, Castiel. But I know you wouldn't do it without any reason at all… Did something happen?"

"I didn't get enough sleep," Cas admitted. "Mr. Adler is always rude towards me and the others and today I-...I lost my patience."

"I know he's not the most pleasant person to be around..." Cas snorted and Ms. Moseley glared at him before continuing, "There have been problems with him in the past, but I don't want to fire him now when he has only few years before retirement."

"I understand. He said I should stay after school for detention. Will that be all or do you have something to add?"

"Come here after school. I'll come up with something until then," she said and gave him a small smile. "You know I'll have to call your mother, right?"

"I suspected as much," Cas said and avoided thinking about a talk he would have to have with his mother.

"Okay, then. Go back to class." Cas must have made a face at that, because Mr. Moseley regarded him and said, "Maybe you should go to the library instead. Give him time to cool off."

He nodded and left with a grateful smile. At least he would have time to revise in the library.

Dean's mood dropped after talking to Cas. He wasn't used to Cas being pissy with him, at least not so intensively.

After the first period Benny, one his friends from the wrestling team, approached him.

"Hey, brother. Did you hear what your boy did in Adler's class?"

"What?"

"He pretty much called him fat and got his ass sent to the principal."

Dean groaned, "That idiot. He was so pissed off this morning, I should've known something like this might happen."

"Maybe you should go talk to him?" Benny suggested.

"Yeah, and have him bite off my head," Dean said, only half-kidding. "No, thank you."

"You got Adler today?"

"Yeah, last period. It's gonna be hell."

"Well, you should learn how to control your boy." Benny smirked and walked away.

"He's not my boy," Dean yelled after him and shook his head.

Benny was the only good guy on the wrestling team. If it weren't for him, Dean would have dropped out much earlier. With Benny's help Dean had stayed until the end of the junior year, when he had quit to focus on his schoolwork and because he had lost all patience for few intolerable teammates.

Speaking of them, Gordon and his goons were walking towards him.

"Winchester, heard what your boyfriend did? Tell that asshole it's better for him if I don't see him. Adler's gonna be riding my ass today 'cause of him."

"Leave Cas alone, Walker. It ain't his fault you're an idiot who doesn't understand basic math."

Gordon glared and walked closer. "Don't get smart with me. I'll kick your ass."

Dean contained his laugh. He had always been better than Gordon and for that reason Gordon couldn't stand him while Dean had been on the team. Once he quit, Gordon threatened him almost everyday, but none of the threats ever came true because they both knew Dean would end up the winner.

"Whatever," Dean answered and walked away.

"You gonna go find your boyfriend, let him cry on your shoulder, or you're gonna go hang with that redhead lezbo bitch?"

Dean was on Gordon before the other boy blinked. "Don't ever call her that again. You hear me? Leave my friends alone," Dean said while he held Gordon against the wall.

Gordon obviously didn't know when to give up. "What about your beard girlfriend? She's real hot, probably a slut. I could..." He never finished the sentence because Dean's fist in his face stopped him.

Dean would have continued punching him, but a teacher came and pulled him off Gordon.

"What's happening here? Winchester, to the principal right now. And you come with me."

The teacher dragged Gordon away- to the nurse, Dean presumed, and he closed his eyes, sighing. He shouldn't have lost his temper, but Gordon really crossed a line with his insults. Dean could take anything aimed at him, but if his friends got pulled into the mix, he hulked out.

At least Gordon wouldn't do anything to Cas today, not after this, Dean was sure.

Missouri didn't look surprised to see him.

"You two always come as a pair," she said as he sat down. "What did you do?"

"I punched Gordon Walker in his face. He deserved it and I'm not sorry."

She sighed, "I'm gonna call your mother. I should suspend you but I know Gordon is a bully, so you'll get two weeks of detention, starting today. I know you're a good boy, Dean. Don't let something like that happen again. You're lucky your mother is my friend."

Dean smiled, "Thanks, Missouri. I mean, Ms. Moseley," he corrected himself after she glared at him.

The rest of the day passed without further incident. During the lunch break Cas didn't come to their table and Dean figured he was hiding in the library as he did sometimes, so Dean didn't try to find him. Still, his eyes wandered across the room several times, hoping to catch a glimpse of his friend.

His last period was terrible because Adler spent most of the class shouting and calling them incompetent idiots. Dean couldn't believe Cas had pissed him off _that much_. Despite Adler's torture Dean couldn't resist feeling proud of Cas, who usually managed to stay cool and not blow up, for creating mess so big the whole school suffered.

Afterwards, he went to Missouri's office. She hadn't told him where detention would be held, so he had to ask her. She always tried to come up with imaginative ways to do detention and sometimes it even ended up being fun.

Cas stood in front of the office, probably there for the same reason.

"Hey, Cas."

"Dean." Cas looked up, surprised. "What are you doing here? I'm sure you've heard that I have detention, so we won't be going home together."

"We will. I've got detention too."

"What did you do?"

"Punched Gordon."

Dean knew Cas didn't like violence. As the anger danced in Cas' eyes, he prepared himself for a lecture, but in the end Cas only shrugged. "He probably deserved it."

Dean raised an eyebrow, "He did. He threatened to beat you for what you said to Adler and he talked trash about Charlie and Lisa."

Cas nodded and they waited in silence. Dean watched Cas while they stood there. He didn't look as angry as before, but he looked sad. Just as he decided to ask Cas what was wrong, Missouri came out of her office.

"Hello, boys. It seems like only the two of you will be here today. I found an excellent task for you," she said and walked away. "Follow me."

"What about Gordon? You won't punish him?" Dean asked.

"Oh, I will, don't worry, but he had to go home early today. Apparently, someone punched him so hard he could barely stand." Missouri gave him a knowing glance, "Come on, boys."

She led them to a large unused classroom.

"Do we have to clean up or something?" Dean asked.

"You have to paint the classroom. Everything you need is here, I expect at least half of the classroom to be painted in two hours."

As she left, Dean stood there for a moment, unsure how to proceed seeing as he hadn't expected a physical activity.

Cas walked to the paint, paint rollers, and brushes, which were on a desk in the corner of the room. Dean noticed a ladder, which stood by the wall, and he sighed as he realized they would have to climb up. He hated heights.

"You can take the bigger one." Cas passed the biggest roller to Dean and took a smaller one for himself. "We should start with this wall and then do that one." He gestured to each wall.

"You're the boss," Dean said.

They took one desk and placed the paint on it. As they started to work Dean wondered if he should ask Cas about his test and if that was the reason he was in such a bad mood.

"So, how did your test go?" Dean asked after they had finished the first wall and moved on to the second one, hoping Cas was more relaxed.

Cas gave him a sideway glance before responding, "Terrible."

"C'mon. You always say that, and get an A every time. It'll be fine," Dean said to cheer up his friend.

But, it didn't work because Cas turned to him with eyes full of anger. "You can't know if it'll be fine or not. Only I know how much I knew and how I did. Please refrain from commenting on something you don't know anything about. All of this is your fault anyway."

Dean would have taken everything, but that this was his fault? No. "How the fuck is this my fault? You took the test, not me."

"You distracted me yesterday, so I had to study until late in the night. I didn't get enough sleep and you know how much I need sleep to function properly. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be here and you probably wouldn't either."

"If I was such a distraction you could have left earlier," Dean said. "And I thought you studied for this test before yesterday. How is it possible that you didn't know anything?"

They glared at each other while the half-painted wall dried.

"I told you, it's difficult for me to focus lately. I need more time to learn and remember things," Cas said and turned back to his task.

"You could have told me no and studied alone. Don't put it all on me when you screw up."

Cas didn't respond and Dean got the message. They finished the job in silence.

Missouri was satisfied with their work. "Dean you'll have to finish it alone tomorrow unless some other student joins you. You can go home now."

They walked out of school side by side, but still not talking. When Cas continued walking towards the bus station, Dean rolled his eyes and grabbed him by the shoulder.

"Look, we're mad and all, but it'd be stupid not to drive you home when we live on the same street."

Cas glared some more, but went to the Impala. The whole drive home was filled with tense silence. Dean hated it, but he refused to apologize because it wasn't his fault. Not this time.

They parted without a word and Cas made a show of slamming the front door behind him.

"What a drama queen," Dean mumbled.

Cas locked himself in his room and stayed there all afternoon. Hael brought him some food and left it in front of his door which was generous of her, but not enough to cheer him up.

He was miserable. Not only because he'd yelled at Dean, who had done nothing wrong, but because their fight reminded Cas of Moon. He was getting used to her absence, but today was a tiring day and he would usually turn to her for comfort.

When the evening came his guilt increased, so he decided to go and apologize. He opened the door of his room and almost crashed into Dean, who was standing with his fist raised mid-air.

"Hello, Dean. I was just going to see you," Cas said after he overcame his surprise. "Come in."

"Are you feeling better?" Dean asked and sat on the bed.

"Yes," Cas said, still standing by the door. "I'm so sorry for my behavior today and for accusing you for something that wasn't your fault."

"Apology accepted. I came here to apologize, too." Dean raised his hand to stop Cas from cutting in. "I should've been more considerate of your... needs. You told me you were struggling with studying and I didn't try to help you. I promise, no more distractions."

"Well, thank you, but you did try to help me, two times actually, remember?" Cas said.

"Oh, you mean the cuddling thing. I guess, but I could've done more."

"It's not your job to look after me." Cas sat beside Dean, "You do more than you know. I'm lucky to be your friend."

Dean grinned, "Thanks, Cas. I'm lucky to be your friend too. Even though you yell and glare at me sometimes."

They laughed until Dean turned serious.

"I was so worried you were seriously mad at me. You usually come to find me a few hours after we fight. So today when you didn't, I had to come here and make sure everything's fine," Dean confessed, his voice almost a whisper. "I don't like it when we fight, even if it's something small."

"I don't like it either. I'm sorry it took me so long to go to you."

"Don't worry about it now. We made up," Dean smiled.

"Should we hug it out?" Cas asked, half joking and half hoping they would actually hug.

"Do you need a hug?" Dean asked. "I've got no problem hugging you if it'll comfort you or whatever."

"Um..." Once again, Dean was offering something Cas desired, and he was only human after all. How could he refuse? "I wouldn't mind a hug. It's been a long day."

"Yeah, you look exhausted. So, do we get up, or?"

"It'd be easier that way, yes." Cas rose and Dean followed.

"What now?"

"You've hugged people before, Dean. We hug."

"This is different," Dean said, but his hands snaked around Cas' waist. Cas put his own arms around Dean's neck and rested his head on Dean's shoulder.

"How long should we stay like this?"

"As long as you want," Dean murmured and leaned his head against Cas'.

 _What if I want forever?_ Cas thought.

They didn't move for several minutes and Cas felt his eyes closing before their peaceful moment was ruined by his loud yawn.

Dean chuckled, "Don't fall asleep on me. Do you want to go to bed?"

"No, this is nice."

"I know. But, I have an idea. Go get ready for bed. I'll wait here, okay?"

Cas reluctantly let go. He took his pajamas and went to the bathroom. In a hurry, he changed his clothes and brushed his teeth.

When he returned to his room, Dean was lying on the bed.

"What are you doing?"

"Turn off the lights and come to bed. I'll stay with you until you fall asleep."

Cas' heart beat fast and hard as he did what Dean said. This had to be a dream.

He joined Dean on the bed and Dean positioned them until they were spooning with Cas as the little spoon.

"You comfortable?"

"Yes, thank you, Dean."

"No problem, buddy. Good night."

"Good night."

If Cas weren't so tired, he wouldn't have managed to fall asleep due to his excitement. The warmth of Dean's body behind him seeped through the material of their clothes and awoke sparks of desire in Cas.

But he didn't get to enjoy that feeling for long because he was fast asleep only few minutes later and when he woke up Dean was long gone.

"Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas."

"Don't make fun of me, Dean."

"I'm not. It's the last day of school before Christmas break. I'm _cheerful_."

Cas rolled his eyes, "Whatever you say."

The two of them stood in the line in the school cafeteria. Everyone was in a good mood today and the cafeteria was full of cheery chatter.

"So, you're coming over for Christmas, right? My mom is already preparing everything."

"Of course, Dean, but I have to help my mother with baking tomorrow."

"Are you gonna make a pie? You know how much I like your apple pie."

Cas flushed when he remembered the last time he baked for Dean, pleasurable moans had flustered him so much he'd had to excuse himself and run to the bathroom. He wasn't a great cook or baker, but over the years he'd perfected his skill for apple pie because he knew how much Dean loved it.

"I'm planning to do it, yes, unless your mom is doing it."

"There can be two pies, you know. Especially if Ellen and Jo come by."

"Okay, then I have to go to the store later. Could you drive me?"

"Of course. I'll do anything if it means I'll get that delicious pie."

Cas laughed as they took their food and started walking towards their usual table. "It's not that good, Dean."

"Maybe it isn't perfect, or as good as my mom's, but you still deserve an ego boost." Dean winked and bumped their shoulders.

Charlie and Lisa were already sitting at their table and chatting about Christmas related subjects.

"Hey, guys. What took you so long?" Charlie asked.

"Didn't you see the line?" Dean shot back before he turned to Lisa and pecked her cheek. "Hey, Lis."

Cas turned to Charlie while Dean and Lisa exchanged their hellos. "What were you talking about?"

"Oh, we thought we could meet up the day after Christmas. Maybe we could go to Jo's, she's got room in her basement."

"That sounds awesome," Dean said. "But the important question: will there be booze?"

"Probably," Charlie answered. "So are you guys in?"

Cas nodded along with Dean and Lisa. "Who else is going to be there?"

"Oh, Jo invited Meg."

"Meg Masters?" Dean asked. "Why her?"

"They became close since Meg changed schools," Charlie responded. "She's changed, you know. She's cool."

"If you say so. But I don't trust her, not yet," Dean said and Cas understood his distrust.

Meg used to hang around with a group of older kids who once attacked Sam while he was in the park. The situation had been resolved quickly thanks to a police officer who had been nearby and Sam hadn't been hurt. Meg had gone to another school soon after, and no one had heard about her since, but Dean had never forgotten about the incident in the park.

"You can invite someone if you want, but stick to one or two people. We don't want this to turn into a party. Jo'd never forgive me for that."

"Then I shouldn't invite any of my friends. The whole school would know about it by the end of the day," Lisa said and glanced at the table where a group of loud girls were sitting.

"Maybe I could invite Benny. I don't get to hang out with him as much since I quit wrestling."

Cas tried to hide the sudden growl that left his mouth but, judging by the smirk on Dean's face, he failed.

"Why don't you like Benny?" Charlie asked. "I mean he looks kinda scary, but he's actually a big softie."

"He makes fun of me," Cas said and it was the truth. Or at least one part of the truth. Benny always called him Dean's boyfriend, boytoy, or something similar. He was sure it was because Benny knew of his feelings toward Dean and was making fun of him.

"Benny's just joking around, Cas. He actually likes you." Dean took a bite of his sandwich and continued talking with full mouth, "He used to tease me all the time too. Well, he still does, but the point is, it's a good sign. You should give him a chance."

Cas sighed, "Okay, Dean."

Later in the day, Cas walked into a grocery store, Dean following closely behind.

"How long is this gonna take? There's a rerun of Dr. Sexy at 8."

"I only need a few things. It won't take long."

Forty five minutes later, they exited the store. Both of them carried bags not only full of ingredients, but Christmas ornaments too.

"I'm sorry, Dean, but you know how much I love Christmas decorations."

Dean sighed, "Yeah, I know."

It was Christmas morning and Dean was awoken by frantic steps hurrying down the stairs. Sam was thirteen, but still excited about presents. Dean smiled and burrowed his head into the pillow because he was old enough to know that sleep was better than presents.

"Dean!"

He let out a defeated sigh. Sleep was great, but his little brother was more important.

Downstairs, Sam was opening his presents and admiring them.

"Merry Christmas, Sammy."

"Dean, Merry Christmas." Sam hugged him, "Thank you. How did you find it?"

"Well, I have my ways."

Sam had wanted a certain book for a while, but couldn't find it anywhere, not even on Amazon or Ebay, so Dean, being an awesome brother, decided to find it. Luckily, he had a friend who was an expert on tracking things.

"I can't believe it. I already gave up, and you found it."

"Found what?"

They both jumped up hearing Mary's voice. She stood in the doorway, watching them and smiling.

"Mom, look," Sam showed her the book.

"Oh, wow."

Dean chuckled at her attempt to sound surprised. She knew about the gift because he borrowed some money from her, not having enough for all the presents.

They exchanged 'Merry Christmas-es' as all three of them shared a hug.

"We have something for you, Mom," Sam said and handed a small box to her.

When she opened it, her eyes teared up. "Oh, boys. It's beautiful." She lifted the necklace, which had her wedding ring hanging on it. Dean took it from her hands and put it around her neck.

"We knew you were sad you couldn't wear the ring at work, so now you can wear it around your neck," Dean said.

"Thank you," she kissed their foreheads.

They exchanged the rest of the gifts. Dean was delighted to receive all six seasons of Dr. Sexy, M.D. on DVD, even though Sam teased him about it.

After breakfast, Dean decided to call Cas. He knew his friend liked to sleep longer, but he was sure Cas was already up today.

"Merry Christmas, Dean," Cas sounded joyful when he answered.

"Hey, Cas, merry Christmas. Did you get nice presents?"

"Yes, Hael bought me a beautiful journal and mom bought me tickets for that ballet I wanted to see."

"That's great. I got Dr. Sexy DVDs and some socks."

"Oh, amazing. You've been complaining about lack of socks lately."

"I know, right? Santa always knows what we need," Dean said and they laughed. "So when are you guys coming?"

"My mother insisted we watch a couple of Christmas movies together as family, so we'll be at your house around three."

"Can't wait to see what you bought me," he wanted to say more, but Sam called him over. "Man, I gotta go. Sam needs me for something. But I'll see you soon, 'kay?"

"Yes, bye, Dean."

The next few hours passed quickly, and at three o'clock there was a knock on the door.

"I'll go," Dean got up from where he was sitting on the couch and went to open the door.

Cas and his family stood there and they were all smiling, even Hael.

"Hello, Dean," Naomi greeted him.

"Come in."

They all gathered in the living room and exchanged best wishes and typical Christmas talk. Naomi and Mary soon went to the kitchen to take care of the food while Sam dragged Hael away to show her his presents. Cas' sister seemed rough and aloof, but for Sam she had always had a soft spot.

When they were left alone in the room, Dean finally got a good look at Cas. His friend was wearing what was probably the world's ugliest sweater, but Dean couldn't stop a stream of fondness rushing through him.

"You're such a dork."

"What did I do to acquire that title?"

"You were being you."

They talked for a while before they were all called down for lunch.

This was Cas' favorite time of the year. His own family and Dean's all together having lunch and having fun.

His mother was relaxed and there was no trace of worry on her face, which was usually there because of her job. Hael was happy and talking more than usual, which was Sam's doing. He and Hael were in a deep competition to see who knew more random facts.

That game, a tradition since they were children, was something Dean and Cas had come up with, but once their siblings joined in, they'd given up. They didn't have a chance of winning next to those two and they were both sore losers, so they'd concluded it was better if they didn't play at all.

After the meal they sat in the living room and exchanged presents. Dean loved the small Star Wars figures and the Winter Soldier DVD that Cas bought him and in return Cas got a couple of books.

"I have something else for you, but it's in my room, so I'll give it to you later, okay?"

While Dean played, yes, played with his new figures (if Cas was a dork, then Dean was a huge geek), Sam took Cas to his room and showed him all new things he got for Christmas.

After a while Hael joined them and smirked. "I see you two are having fun without me, maybe I should go."

"No!" Sam jumped from the floor where he had been sitting. "I have another fact. Since 1900 there have been more than 2,600 serial killers. In the U.S only."

Cas shook his head. Sam had an unexplainable fascination with serial killers.

"That's interesting, but did you know that in 2000 in Finland, throwing mobile phones became an official sport and it has been an international event since then."

As they continued their game, Cas decided to leave them to it.

"I wish I was more like you, you're really cool." Sam said after Cas left the room.

"Ha, Dean would go nuts if that happened. Maybe if you feel the same in a few years, I'll help you." Hael's response was the last thing he overheard before he retreated downstairs.

In the kitchen he found Dean eating the pie Cas had baked.

"I see you found the pie," he spoke and Dean jumped up.

"You scared me, dude," Dean said, his mouth full.

"Sorry. Is it okay?"

"Okay?" Dean exclaimed. "It's fucking delicious."

Cas let out a relieved sigh. He had to bake another one that morning because the first one had turned out terrible.

Dean offered him a piece and they ate with their mothers' laughter and chatting as a background noise.

When they finished and cleaned up, Dean invited Cas up to his room.

"This isn't a lot, but I think you'll like it. Or, well, I hope you will," Dean said as he gave him the other present.

Cas removed the wrapping paper and found a framed picture. It was of Dean and him sitting on the bed with Moon between them. They were playing with her and looking at each other instead of the camera. Cas remembered when it was taken. Two years ago, Sam found an old camera, so he'd had a phase of taking pictures of whatever he could. He'd taken this one when they were unaware of him being there.

"Thank you so much, Dean. It's amazing." Cas felt tears in his eyes and willed them away.

Dean rubbed his neck. "You should thank Sam, he was the one who took the picture."

"But you remembered it. Now I feel like my presents weren't good enough."

"Dude, you got up early today to bake me a pie. That's pretty awesome."

Cas tilted his head. "How did you know?"

"Your mom told me." Dean smiled. "You don't have to give me anything else ever if you keep making pies like that."

Cas rolled his eyes before they fell back on the picture. He remembered feeling so in love that day and the same feeling was overpowering him again. But how could he control it when Dean was so beautiful, especially when he laughed like he did in the picture?

"Cas, you okay?" Dean asked after they were silent for a while.

"Yes. But can I have a hug?" he blurted the question out before he could back out.

"Of course." Dean wrapped him into a warm embrace.

"Thank you," Cas said and closed his eyes.

"Anytime."

Soon after, Naomi called them down so they could go home. When they were saying their goodbyes, Dean asked Cas when he should pick him up for the tomorrow's gathering.

"Oh, Charlie is picking me up. I assumed you'd be spending the day with Lisa, so I didn't want to bother you with driving me."

"You wouldn't be bothering me, but if you already made plans, I guess I'll just see you there."

Jo's house wasn't big, but her basement was spacious. Cas and Charlie arrived first because they promised to help and half an hour later, everything was ready. Jo got the drinks ready Cas raised an eyebrow at the amount.

"I didn't steal it if that's what you're thinking. I just have good connections."

Meg arrived next and hugged both girls. When she noticed Cas she looked him over. "I know you. Clarence, right?"

"It's Cas, actually. Pleased to meet you, Meg."

She smirked and walked closer to him. "I'm very pleased as well."

Cas nodded because he didn't know what to say. He suspected she was sexually attracted to him, judging by the way she was eyeing him, but he wasn't sure how to behave in that situation.

Thankfully, there was another knock on the door and he was saved.

Dean and Lisa walked into the room, holding hands, Benny followed behind them.

Everyone greeted each other and their 'party' officially started.

At first Cas refused to drink, but as the evening went on, Dean and Lisa stayed glued together and Benny's presence angered him, so he accepted a bottle of beer that Meg offered him.

Dean enjoyed hanging out with his friends and his girlfriend. It had been a long day and he needed to chill for a bit.

At some point they started talking about Christmas presents and Lisa proudly lifted her hand to show them a new bracelet.

"Dean bought this for me. Isn't it beautiful?"

He was glad she liked it because it had been expensive and the reason why he had to borrow money from his mother.

"Look at you, brother. Seems expensive, did you have enough money for other presents?" Benny said, but before Dean could answer, Benny smirked and looked at Cas. "I hope you didn't leave your boy with nothing."

Dean sighed as he noticed anger in Cas' eyes. "Don't, Benny. You don't want him pissed off."

Cas continued glaring at them, but Benny took it as a challenge.

"I'm just looking after you, brother. Making sure Dean is taking good care of you." Benny walked over to Cas and patted his shoulder.

"I don't need Dean nor you to take care of me." Cas threw off Benny's hand. "And you're not my brother."

"Okay, guys. Why don't you calm down?" Jo said and they all went back to normal conversation.

Dean knew Cas was still angry. As he started getting up to go comfort him, Meg walked over to him and handed him some beer, which Cas gulped down. He frowned because Cas wasn't the drinking type, so he must have been shaken.

"They are getting along," Lisa said in his ear.

"Who?" Dean asked as his eyes darted to her.

"Meg and Cas. Maybe he'll finally start dating."

"What?" Dean spoke more loudly than he expected, so everyone looked at him. He smiled at them and waved it off.

"It'd be good for him, don't you think? He needs someone to be there for him."

Dean drank his beer and didn't respond. His eyes were glued to Cas and Meg as they talked. His stomach clenched with uneasiness when he noticed how Meg was looking at Cas and how Cas smiled at her. For some reason that made him angry. There was no way Cas would start dating and he sure wouldn't start dating Meg of all people.

 _I'm always there for him, why would he need her?_ He wondered and finally moved his gaze away from them.

After a few hours Lisa got a text from her parents telling her she had to go home.

"Okay, I'll drive you." Dean said and got up.

"You don't have to go yet because of me. Besides, you were drinking."

"It was one beer two hours ago."

Benny cut in, "I'll drive you, I have to go too, so it ain't gonna be a problem."

Lisa thanked him and they left. When Jo came back after walking them to the door, Charlie attacked her with a hug and started crying.

"What's wrong?" Cas asked.

Jo sighed and rubbed Charlie's back as she cried. "She's drunk. I'll take her to bed," she said and dragged Charlie upstairs with Meg's help.

"Is she going to be okay?"

"Yeah, Cas. She'll probably have a killer hangover, but she'll be okay."

When Jo came back she looked tired. "Well, I'm never letting her drink again."

"Where's Meg?"

Dean frowned at the worried tone of Cas' voice. They'd only talked for few hours and were already besties?

"She went home. You should go too and I'll clean up."

"Don't be stupid, we'll help," Dean said and they threw themselves into work.

When they were finished Jo walked them to the door and gave them a half empty bottle of whiskey.

"You can take it. Think of it as a 'thank you' gift.

"You just don't want Ellen to see it. What are we supposed to do with it?" Dean asked.

"You can drink it now or hide it for another time. I don't care." Jo said and closed the door behind them.

"So, where to, Cas?" Dean asked as they sat in the car.

"We could go to my house. I already told my mother you might be sleeping over."

"Awesome. I said the same thing to my mom. No wonder we're best friends, huh?" Dean smiled and winked.

They drove in silence until Dean couldn't take it anymore and had to ask an important question. "So, you and Meg?"

Cas didn't respond for a while and observed Dean instead. "Are you insinuating that there is a romantic connection between us?"

"I wouldn't put it that way, but you were getting close today. She was all over you and you didn't seem to mind."

"I know you don't trust her, but she's actually very nice. I do believe she tried to 'hit on me' as you say, but I'm not interested in her."

"You're right, I don't trust her. I'm kinda glad you're not into her. I think you could find someone better."

Cas snorted and turned his head in the direction of the window.

"Did I say something wrong?" Dean asked after he realized Cas wasn't saying anything.

"No, but I don't want to talk about it any longer. Besides, we're here."

"I know we're here, I'm the one who's driving," Dean said as he pulled into his driveway.

In Cas' room, Dean opened the bottle of whiskey and took a huge sip. "Shit, it burns. You want some?"

Dean was sure Cas would refuse, so he was left with his mouth hanging open when Cas took the bottle from him.

"Oh, I'm not sure I like it." Cas said after drinking it.

Dean smiled and scooted closer to Cas. "You have to get used to the taste. Try some more."

"Are you trying to get me drunk?" Cas said, but drank again.

They took turns drinking and soon after they were both laughing for no reason.

"Shh, Dean. Those women I live with are sleeeeping," Cas slurred and it made Dean laugh harder.

"Okay, Cas. I can't believe you're drunk. Never thought I'd see the day." Dean wasn't as drunk as Cas, so his words sounded clearer.

"I'm not drunk. Your face is drunk."

"That doesn't make any sense."

"Your face doesn't make any sense."

"Wow, dude. Your comebacks are worse than mine." Dean got up from the floor where they had been sitting and tried to pull Cas up. "Come on, let's get you to bed."

"That's rude. I'm not 'easy'," Cas said, but relaxed in Dean's arms.

Dean huffed a laugh. "You're actually a pervert, aren't you? Maybe I shouldn't take your clothes off, or you'll think I'm hitting on you."

"I can take off my own clothes," Cas said and pulled out of Dean's hold.

He took off his shirt and started working on the zipper of his jeans, but he lost his balance. Dean predicted it, so he was ready to catch him.

Once he had laid Cas down on the bed, Dean took Cas' jeans off, leaving Cas only in his boxers. Cas found his sleeping t-shirt and put it on as Dean took his own clothes off, borrowing one of Cas' t-shirts to sleep in, and laid down beside his friend.

"You don't mind me sleeping in your bed, right?" Dean asked when he noticed Cas watching him.

"No. You can sleep in my bed whenever you want."

"I thought you weren't easy."

Cas rolled his eyes. "Turn around."

"Why?" He raised an eyebrow.

"So I can spoon you," Cas said and left Dean in shock.

He didn't expect Cas to demand cuddling because ever since the first time, it had been Dean who had initiated it. But they were drunk (maybe not too drunk, but still) so he could pretend the alcohol was the reason he turned around and let Cas put his arms around him.

Also, for the same reason, he let out a pleased sigh once he was in Cas' tight hold.

"You smell weird," Cas said after he rubbed his nose on Dean's neck.

"Well, thanks. You really know how to charm a guy," Dean said before he remembered something. "Lisa gave me cologne for Christmas."

"I don't like it."

Dean chuckled, "Don't tell her, but I don't like it either."

After a few minutes Cas relaxed behind him, so Dean let himself follow his suit. Cas' arm was around his waist and Dean covered his hand with his own. For some reason his heart was beating fast, but he didn't pay it any attention. He was so comfortable in Cas' arms. He had no idea he would enjoy someone holding him as much as he did and he wondered if he would let this happen if they weren't drunk.

"Go the fuck to sleep, Dean," Cas mumbled in the back of Dean's neck and it sent shivers through Dean's body.

"You go to sleep, dickhead." His lips pulled up in a small fond smile. "I love you."

Dean startled at his own words, but there was no way he could take them back. He had only said those words to Sam and Mary, so he wasn't used to saying it to someone else, but Cas was his best friend and he deserved to know Dean cared about him.

Silence ruled the room for few minutes. Dean was sure Cas fell asleep and didn't hear what he had said, but then a quiet "I love you too," broke the silence.

His whole body flushed, but Dean smiled wider than before as all the tension faded away. Soon he fell asleep enveloped by Cas' warmth.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Warmth. Incredible warmth everywhere around him was what Cas first became aware of. Opening his eyes, he groaned when the severe pain in his head multiplied because of the bright daylight. He turned his head into the warmth he now remembered was Dean's body.

"Good morning, sleepyhead," Dean's hoarse voice banged through the room and punched right into Cas' pounding head.

"Shh," Cas managed to say, but didn't move from the comfortable spot in Dean's arms.

During the night their positions changed and Cas had ended up sprawled all over Dean, who was gently stroking Cas' hair.

"Come on, Cas, I know you feel like shit right now, but you have to let me go," Dean whispered. "I promise I'll be back soon."

"Ugh, whatever," Cas said and rolled off Dean, who got up and left the room.

If he hadn't been suffering from the hellish hangover, Cas would probably be half panicking and half jumping from joy right now. He and Dean had slept together. Well, not like _that_ , but this was more than enough to rush a twirl of feelings to the surface.

What was going on? He was sure normal friends didn't engage in situations like this one. And yes, he was the one who initiated last night spooning, but Dean didn't seem to mind.

If they continued doing it, the risk of Dean finding out that Cas had feelings for him that were stronger than friendship would increase. Should Cas tell him they had to stop? Probably. Did Cas want to stop? A big no.

The debate went around in Cas' mind until Dean came back. He was carrying a glass of water.

"Here, take this." Dean handed him the glass and an aspirin. "And don't worry, your mom didn't see me."

As he swallowed the pill, Cas observed Dean. His friend didn't seem to be suffering like Cas was.

"Why are you okay?" he asked, sounding more accusatory than he meant to.

"I didn't drink as much as you did." Dean took his empty glass and put it on the desk. "Plus, I'm used to drinking and you aren't."

Cas nodded and looked at his clock. It was seven in the morning and he wondered if it would be rude to go back to sleep.

"Are you hungry? I can you bring you something if you want," Dean said. "Or we could go back to sleep. It'll help with the hangover."

"I want to sleep if that's alright," Cas said and lay down again.

"More than alright," Dean smiled. "Scoot over."

They lay next to each other, but didn't touch. When Cas opened his eyes, he found green eyes fixed on him. Dean was propped on his elbow and looking at him.

Cas swallowed deeply. "Aren't you going to sleep?"

"I wasn't sure if you want to...cuddle again or not," Dean whispered.

"Oh. Well, it's not necessary," Cas said after he settled on putting a stop on their cuddling activities.

"Are you sure? I don't mind, you know," Dean pressed on.

"I'm sure."

"Okay." Dean lay down on his back and closed his eyes.

Perhaps it was his wishful thinking, but Dean sounded disappointed. He cleared his mind of thoughts like that and willed himself to fall asleep.

Dean buttoned up his shirt and rolled up his sleeves, getting ready for the New Year's party at Bela Talbot's house while her parents weren't home. He had to pick up Lisa and walk there with her- he was planning to drink and he would never risk his Baby's health, but luckily, Bela's house wasn't far away.

Cas was going with Charlie again. He was glad they were getting along and tried to avoid thinking that they were ditching him to hang out with each other.

Anyway, it was probably for the best that he wasn't around Cas as much because since last week when they had spent the night in the same bed, Dean was having unwanted thoughts about his friend. He had enjoyed it more than he wanted to admit and one part of him was desperate for a repeat. Of course, his defense mechanism tried to push it far in the back of his mind.

He shook his head along with any thought about Cas and left his house. Walking as fast as he could, so he wouldn't be cold, he got to Lisa's house in fifteen minutes.

Lisa opened the door and he took a minute to admire how her slim body looked in the tight black dress.

"You look breathtaking." Dean smirked when Lisa blushed at his compliment.

They shared a kiss, probably too deep considering they were standing on a porch where anyone could see them. After they parted, Dean took her hand and they walked to Bela's house.

The party was already in full swing when they got there and Dean tried to find his friends in the crowd. He was about to give up when he noticed Cas standing in a corner of the room. Dean wanted to go say hello, but he realized Cas already had company, Meg. And she was, of course, all over him again. Dean turned around away from that sight and pulled Lisa to the dance floor.

They danced for hours, or so it seemed. Dean got lost in Lisa and her body pressed against his. Their dancing stopped only when they needed a drink.

The music was loud and the room was crowded, but Dean didn't pay it any attention because he focused only on Lisa.

Too many people were there and the music shook the room, yet Cas could only focus on Dean. And Lisa. They looked lost in each other and Cas' stomach twisted at the sight.

He and Charlie had arrived quite early when it hadn't been as crowded and loud. They had a drink and danced together before Jo and Meg joined them.

They were having fun together when more people started coming and Cas noticed Lisa and Dean entering the room. Gorgeous as always, they made Cas turn away from them. Charlie was frowning when he looked at her, so he suspected she saw the happy couple too.

He kept talking to the girls until Jo got a text and blushed while she read it.

"Guys, I have to go. I'm sure you can have fun without me," she said and winked.

"Was that her secret girlfriend?" Meg asked Charlie as they watched Jo go.

"Jo has a girlfriend?"

"Yep, she's been seeing someone for a month or two. I think this girl is older than her, and that's why she refuses to talk about it," Charlie said. "Shit, I have to pee." She walked away without waiting for their response.

"So Clarence, tell me how long have you been in love with Winchester?" Meg asked once they were alone.

Cas gaped. "What makes you think that?"

Meg raised an eyebrow as if she was saying 'You know why.' And Cas did know why. Ever since he saw Dean arrive, he was glancing over to the dance floor where he and Lisa danced. It wasn't surprising someone had noticed his frowns and glares and sad sighs.

"We don't have to talk about it, but if it's any consolation, I'm pretty sure he's got a thing for you too."

Cas snorted. "Don't say shit like that. I don't need false hope."

Meg shrugged. "I'm just saying I saw him looking this way few times, but he tried to be subtle about it. His look didn't send a best-buds-vibe, though, but a 'Don't touch my boyfriend' vibe."

Cas glared at her. "He's straight and completely engrossed in his _girlfriend_."

Meg opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off by Charlie, who appeared by their side.

"I just met the rudest person on the planet."

"What did this person do?" Cas asked her, grateful for the interruption.

"She spilled her drink all over me and then yelled at me for running into her," Charlie shouted and Cas got a suspicion his friend was drunk.

"Do you know who she was?" Meg asked as she sipped her own drink.

Charlie looked around and pointed at a dark haired girl standing close to the door. "Yeah, that's her. So rude."

"Her name's Dorothy. I've seen her around, she lives near my house. She moved here this year. I think she goes to your school," Meg told Charlie, who huffed.

"I don't care. She can suck my dick," Charlie said. "Yes, Cas. I know I don't actually have a dick."

Cas chuckled, but kept quiet as he let Charlie ramble on about Dorothy.

"And the worst thing is: she's actually really hot. Like, why are asshole people always hot. So unfair." Charlie finished her speech while glaring at Dorothy, who was still across the room.

Their conversation drifted in another direction until Dorothy stalked towards them.

She nodded at Cas and Meg before turning all her attention to Charlie. "Look, my friends hinted that I had acted shitty before. They also noticed you were looking at me often, so I think, maybe, we should go make out."

Charlie gasped. "You think I'd just go and make out with you even though you didn't even apologize."

Dorothy smirked and leaned closer to Charlie. "Maybe you need to make me apologize."

Charlie's shocked expression turned into a sly one as she smiled and looked Dorothy up and down. "Oh, I can make you do more than that."

"Perfect, I know a good place." She grabbed Charlie's hand and pulled her away.

Charlie turned around and winked at them.

"Well, that happened," Cas said, surprised at the turn of the event.

"I knew it would," Meg said. "Maybe you need a good make out session too."

"No, thank you."

"Who said I was talking about me."

"Weren't you?"

"Yeah." Meg shrugged. "It's almost midnight. Don't you want a New Year's kiss? Just one."

Cas shook his head, but as he caught sight of Dean and Lisa, he became angry. Why shouldn't he kiss someone? Having feelings for Dean didn't mean he should refuse a kiss. It sure didn't stop Charlie from going with Dorothy while she liked Lisa.

"I want to make sure you know that I'm not sexually attracted to you and I could never be, but I guess I wouldn't mind one kiss." He said finally and got a grin in return.

"Great." Meg looked down before asking, "Are you, like asexual, if you don't mind me asking?"

"I believe I'm demisexual. Sexually attracted only to people I share a deep emotional connection with."

"Ah, I gotcha." Meg glanced at the dance floor. "Basically, there's only one person for you."

Cas nodded. "Is it close to midnight?"

"Nah, we still have some time. Dance with me?"

They stopped dancing when the time for the countdown came and the music quieted. When the clock hit twelve, the room erupted into shouts of 'Happy New Year'. Cas opened his mouth to say the same to Meg, but she leaned closer and pressed their lips together. The kiss was short, but firm and they laughed after pulling apart.

"Not so bad, ain't it?" she said.

Cas chuckled and glanced away. He was met with Dean's fierce stare, who was kissing Lisa and holding her tight. Hours, minutes, seconds later, Dean closed his eyes and continued the kiss, breaking their eye contact, but leaving Cas with a flutter in his stomach and tingles all over his body.

"That looked completely platonic. Bros looking at their bros while making out with their girlfriends. You know, the usual," Meg said when he got out of the trance he was in and turned his attention back to her.

"It didn't mean anything," he answered, but it didn't stop him from feeling lightheaded when he remembered the intensity of Dean's gaze.

"He seemed jealous."

"It's not jealousy. He just doesn't like you."

"Because of you."

"Because of Sam."

"Oh, that." Meg sounded regretful. "I'm not that person anymore. I'm trying to be good."

Cas nodded. "I can see that, but Dean's very protective of his brother and he's having a hard time forgetting that incident."

Meg nodded and they steered the conversation in another direction until Charlie found them several minutes later and wished them a happy new year. She was grinning and Cas noticed her neck was covered in hickeys.

"Dorothy is very skilled with her tongue. I wanted to make out more, but she had to go home." Charlie pouted.

"You don't think she's terrible anymore, huh?" Meg winked.

Charlie blushed. "She never did apologize, well not with words, but I guess she's okay." She tried not to smile and failed.

While they were laughing, from the corner of his eye, Cas noticed Dean and Lisa approaching them. He tried to stay cool, but Meg sent him a worried glance, so he probably didn't do a good job.

"Hey, guys. Happy New Year!" Lisa said when they were close enough. "Are you having fun?"

They all nodded.

"You sure had a lot of fun." Dean smirked and gestured at Charlie's neck.

"Well, when you're sexy like me, there's no way you wouldn't get some, you know." She winked.

"Charlie's not the only one having fun," Meg cut in. "You two were grinding against each other the whole night."

Lisa blushed, but Dean growled and glared at Meg. "That's none of your business. Like you weren't throwing yourself at Cas the whole time."

"Well, that's not any of _your_ business," she responded. "But Cas sure is a great kisser."

"You two kissed?" Charlie asked. "I wasn't even away for that long."

"Meg offered to kiss me at midnight and I accepted. It was just one kiss."

"Well, it can be more if you want," Meg winked. "I really wanna ruffle your feathers."

Cas blushed, even though he knew she only said it to annoy Dean. "Meg, please."

"Yes, Meg. Please stop being so desperate. It's pathetic," Dean spat out.

"Dean!" Both Cas and Lisa yelled at the same time.

"Don't be a fucking asshole," Cas shouted. "And apologize." When Dean didn't respond, he finished his order with a firm, "Now."

Dean looked at the floor and pursed his lips. "I'm sorry."

"Hope you didn't strain something saying that," Meg said.

"Maybe we should go. It's getting late," Lisa said after a moment of awkward silence.

They walked out of the house together and Cas offered to walk Meg home so two of them went in a different direction than the others.

"I'm sorry for Dean's behavior. He can be an ass sometimes."

"You don't have to apologize for him, Clarence. I guess I get where he's coming from," Meg said. "I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable. I mean you're really hot and all, but I really want us to be friends. And I probably don't have a chance with you, right?"

"I'm sorry, Meg, but I don't think I could ever be interested in you that way. But friendship sounds great."

"I'll take it, then, Clarence." Meg smiled.

"You know my name isn't Clarence, so why do you insist on calling me that?"

"Because you're an angel." She winked and he shook his head.

They walked for a while without talking and said their goodbyes in front of Meg's house. Cas hurried back to his own house because walking alone so late at night made him uneasy.

When he got close to his house, he noticed a familiar figure standing in front of the door.

"What are you doing here?"

Dean swallowed and cleared his throat. "I wanted to apologize. I was being a real dick earlier."

"Yes, you were. But I'll forgive you if you promise you won't do it again."

"Of course not. I-I don't know what got into me."

"You dislike Meg and seeing us friendly made you mad," Cas explained. "I understand you. Sometimes you switch into some sort of protective mode and you can be an asshole. Still, it'd be nice if you refrained from that behavior."

Dean nodded before asking a question, "Is Meg going to be around a lot, then?"

"Probably."

"Oh. So you are dating now?"

"What? No. We decided to be friends," Cas huffed. "I told you I'm not interested in her."

"Didn't seem like that when you had your tongue up her throat," Dean muttered.

"You are acting like a possessive dick right now. Just because you don't like someone, doesn't mean you can tell me should or should I not date them," Cas said. "Do you remember Lydia? She was mean to me and I hated her, but did I ever say you should break up with her? No. Because that's what good friends do."

After he finished his speech, silence fell between them. Dean looked ashamed, but didn't say anything for a while.

"You're right. It's not my business. You can date whoever you want. And if you do start dating Meg, I'll support you and I'll try to be nice."

"Thank you. That's all I'm asking."

Dean nodded and chuckled, "The first thing we did in the new year was fight."

Cas let himself smile. "I hope it doesn't continue through the rest of the year."

"Me too." Dean walked closer to Cas and put his hands on his shoulders. "I'm going to hug you now, okay."

Cas didn't get a chance to nod in acknowledgment because he was pulled into a tight hug, which he returned with an equal force.

"Happy New Year, Cas. I was so busy being an asshole that I forgot to tell you that."

Cas laughed. "Happy New Year."

After a few moments, Dean made a move to let go of him, but before they fully pulled apart, Dean's lips pressed a small kiss on his cheek.

They both seemed surprised by Dean's action, but Dean the most.

He fidgeted and avoided Cas' eyes. "I don't know why I did that. I-I'm sorry."

Dean was so flustered that Cas couldn't stop himself from smiling. "It's alright, Dean. Don't worry about it."

When Dean nodded, Cas walked around him and unlocked the door.

"Good night, Cas."

"Good night." He glanced one last time at Dean before he closed the door behind himself.

Once he was in the security of his own room, he touched his cheek where he could still feel the tingle Dean's lips had left behind and let out a huge sigh.

The end of January arrived in a blink of an eye.

One Saturday, the day before Dean's birthday, he and Lisa went on a date. They had dinner before they went to the park and watched the stars while chatting. After a while, Lisa suggested they go to his house. His mother and brother weren't home, so they would have the house to themselves.

He led her inside, his hand on her shoulder blades, opened the door of the house and flicked the light on.

"Surprise!"

Dean jumped up at the sound. All his friends were standing in the living room beneath a big banner saying 'Happy Birthday, Dean!' which was hung on a wall.

He couldn't stop a smile forming on his face- he hadn't had a surprise party for years.

"Happy birthday, Dean." Charlie stepped forward and hugged him.

"Thank you," Dean said. "I mean it, guys. This is awesome."

"It was Cas' idea," Jo said as she threw her arms around him.

Dean looked at Cas who was wearing a small smile and he sent him a smile of his own.

His other friends took turns hugging him and he was happy to see Garth and Ash, his friends from junior high. He didn't see them often because they went to another school, so he was even happier for the party. Beside them, Benny, Victor (one of the nice jocks in their school) and Pamela (a cheerleader) were there too.

It was weird seeing all his friends together in one place because not all of them hung out with each other (Benny and Cas being the most obvious example), but he was pleased nonetheless.

When he finished greeting all his other friends and thanked them, he walked over to Cas.

"So, this was your idea, huh?" Dean smiled at him.

Cas returned the smile, his shyer than Dean's. "I hope it's okay."

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas' waist and pulled him into a tight hug, which Cas returned by putting his own arms around Dean's neck. "I love it, Cas. Thank you."

"Happy birthday, Dean," Cas whispered into Dean's ear.

Their embrace must have lasted too long because Charlie cleared her throat and made them pull apart. Dean blushed, but he hoped no one would read too much into it. Cas was his best friend after all and the one who organized the party.

After that they played some music, talked and joked around. It was the best birthday he could imagine and Dean was beyond happy.

He opened his presents and thanked everyone before taking them upstairs to his room. When he returned, he caught a glimpse of Cas in the kitchen.

"Hey, you okay?"

Cas jumped up before he turned around to face him.

"I'm fine, Dean, just tired," Cas said. "I haven't been sleeping well lately."

"Yeah, I noticed. I don't remember the last time I saw you well rested."

Cas chuckled. "The last time I slept through the whole night was um- that night we got drunk," he stuttered at the end, looking embarrassed.

They hadn't talked about it, but now that Cas mentioned it, Dean remembered how confused it had made him because he had enjoyed it more than he thought he would.

"Hey, listen. I was thinking, maybe we could have a sleepover one day. Maybe next weekend. We could, you know, sleep like that again." A blush crept up his face, but he ignored it. "It could be good for you."

Cas seemed surprised and Dean hoped he didn't freak him out. He was well aware that friends didn't usually make offers like that one, but Cas seemed to be suffering and Dean wanted to do anything he could to help him.

"I don't know, Dean. Wouldn't that be weird? We were drunk last time, but now..." Cas trailed off and avoided Dean's eyes.

"It's only weird if we make it weird. Come on, it'll help you and no one has to know."

Cas chewed his bottom lip. "Alright. If you say it's okay then why not."

They shared a smile and Dean suggested they go back to their friends. He put his hand on Cas' lower back as he led him to the living room.

When they returned he noticed Charlie giving them a strange look, but Cas shook his head at her and Dean shrugged it off. It was their thing.

The party ended soon after they had eaten the cake, which Dean loved to everyone's surprise (and his own) except Cas'. When asked about it, his friend smiled smugly and said, "I know you. But don't worry, I'll bring you some pie too, tomorrow."

Cas volunteered to stay and help Dean clean up before Mary and Sam returned home. Once they finished, Dean offered to walk him home.

"We live on the same street. I can walk that far by myself."

"I know, but it's the least I can do after what you did for me." Dean smiled and bumped his shoulder against Cas'. "Besides, maybe I just want to spend some more time with you."

Cas shook his head, but didn't complain any further. "I'm glad you liked the party. I spent days planning it and thankfully everyone could make it."

"Yeah, you went through a lot of trouble. You even had to talk to Benny. Must have been hard."

"Actually, I asked Charlie to talk to him. I'm not _that_ selfless."

Dean laughed. "It's okay. You're still pretty awesome."

They said good night and Dean went back home, where he noticed his mom and brother were back. He had been surprised when they said they were going out today, but now he knew it was all part of Cas' plan.

"Hey, sweetheart. Did you have fun?" Mary asked him. "Honestly, I was expecting a mess, but I guess Cas made sure everything is clean, huh."

"It was great, mom. I loved having all my friends here. Cas really did a great job."

"Dean!" Sam came running from downstairs and threw himself at Dean. "It's midnight. Happy birthday."

"Thanks, Sammy." He ruffled his brother's hair. "Did you have fun today?"

"I did, but did you? Cas was so worried you wouldn't like it. He called at least ten times, panicking."

"It was awesome. I even liked the cake."

"Wow, then Cas really is a miracle worker," Sam said before he pouted. "You didn't want to eat my birthday cake, but you ate this one."

"Yours was a fruit cake. I don't eat fruit cakes," Dean said. "There's still leftovers of my cake in the fridge if you want to try."

"I'll only try it because it was Cas who ordered it."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Only 'cause he knew I'd like it. He knows what cakes I would make an exception for."

Sam smiled. "Or, you actually like all cakes, but think you can have only one thing so you stick to the pie."

"That doesn't make any sense, Sam. Just go eat your cake," Dean said and finished that weird conversation.

Once he got to his room and got in the bed, he was asleep almost in an instant.

Cas paced up and down his room. His bag was packed and he got out of the shower fifteen minutes ago. Only his nerves held him back from leaving.

Dean expected him at his house in ten minutes, but Cas still wasn't quite sure whether their plan was a good idea.

For some reason Dean deluded himself into thinking that cuddling while sleeping was platonic, but Cas couldn't force himself to think that way. Especially when he had some definitely not platonic feelings for Dean.

He considered calling Charlie and asking her for advice, but that would break his promise to Dean about not telling anyone.

At last, he took his bag and walked out of the house. He could do it. If nothing else, he could always pretend to be sick and go home if things got awkward and uncomfortable.

Sam opened the door and ushered him into the house.

"Dean went to the store to buy some popcorn. He'll be back soon."

"That's okay, Sam. How are you? Are you doing okay in school?"

"I'm fine, Cas. And school is good. So how come you're sleeping over? It's been ages since the last time you stayed over."

Cas opened his mouth to speak, but the front door opened and Dean walked into the room. He was never more grateful for the interruption because his lying skills were non existent, so there was a big chance he would have blabbed the truth to Sam.

"Hey, Cas. Sorry, I had to run to the store because _someone,"_ he pointedly looked at Sam, "wanted popcorn."

Cas didn't speak, but nodded in response, too busy staring at Dean, who looked absolutely gorgeous. There was something different about him, though. "Have you done something to your hair?"

"Oh, yeah. I decided to try something new." Dean rubbed the back of his neck. "Is it okay?"

 _It's fucking perfect,_ Cas thought.

"Yeah, it's nice," he choked out. Understatement of the year, but voicing his real thoughts was out of the question.

"He spent an hour on it," Sam said. "I thought he was going on a date, before he told me you were coming over."

Cas looked at Dean and realized his friend was blushing. Not knowing what to do, he looked away and waited for Dean to say something.

After a few seconds, Dean cleared his throat. "I'm gonna bring a bowl for the popcorn. You two can set up a movie."

Cas and Sam did as told and they sat on the sofa while waiting for Dean to return so they could start the movie.

"Hey, scoot over," Dean said when he came back. As they moved over, Cas ended up seated between two brothers. "Cas, you can hold the bowl," he said and put the popcorn in Cas' lap.

They started the movie, which was a comedy, nothing special, but fun to watch. Cas let himself relax- everything was good for now.

Twenty minutes into the movie, Dean put his arm on the back of the sofa, so close to Cas' head that Dean's heat grazed his skin. His pulse quickened and he wanted to smack himself. Sometimes he hated how his body reacted to Dean.

After he finally got used to Dean's arm, from the corner of his eye, he noticed Dean watching him, but he didn't dare to look back. When Dean turned back to the TV, Cas let out a breath of relief, before freezing up.

Dean buried his fingers in Cas' hair, twirling the locks and caressing his head. Cas fought against the urge to push back against Dean's hand and willed his breathing to slow down.

He looked at Dean, but his friend's eyes stayed fixed on the movie, like he wasn't playing with Cas' hair at the moment.

At some point Dean tugged hard and Cas couldn't stop a small moan from leaving his mouth. He immediately felt himself blush and he glanced at Dean to see if he'd heard. Dean's smug smirk told him his friend was well aware of what he was doing.

That fucking bastard.

Dean wasn't sure how he got himself into this situation, but Cas' hair looked so soft and Dean couldn't stop himself from touching. And when Cas didn't say anything or tried to stop him, he figured it was okay.

He was right about the softness of the hair. It felt like a silk under his fingers and he presumed Cas had washed it before coming over. He refrained from leaning over and burying his nose in it and finding out if it smelled as good as it did before. There would be time for that later.

Dean's stomach fluttered at the thought of what would happen when they finish the movie. The excitement that rushed through him confused him, but he decided not to ponder over it too much.

He understood well enough they were crossing some kind of platonic line, but he convinced himself it was all for Cas' sake and that it was absolutely necessary. It would happen only once, anyway, so it wasn't a big deal. Yeah, no big deal.

When he realized the movie was ending, he was reluctant to remove his hand from Cas' hair, but he didn't want to explain to Sam why he had been petting his best friend.

Sam turned off the TV when the credits began to roll. "I'm going to my room." As he was almost out of the room, he turned around. "Do I need to bring an extra mattress for Cas?"

Dean and Cas shared a glance. "Don't worry about it, Sammy. Don't stay awake too long, okay? Good night."

Sam frowned, but went upstairs with a loud, "Good night."

Dean got up and took the empty bowl to the kitchen while Cas followed behind.

"When is your mother coming home?"

"Soon, I guess. She's working late again." Dean opened the fridge, mostly to avoid looking at Cas. "Do you want something to drink?"

"Soda, please."

Dean grabbed two drinks from the fridge and handed one bottle to Cas. They leaned against the counter and drank in silence.

After a few minutes they heard the front door opening before Mary walked into the room.

"Hello, Mrs. Winchester." "Hey, Mom," they spoke at the same time when they saw her.

"Hello, boys," she greeted them and lowered her bag on the table. "I hope you don't mind, but I'll go take a bath. It's been a long today."

She rubbed her neck and went upstairs.

Dean looked at Cas and said, "Do you want to go to sleep?"

"Already? It's only eleven."

Dean scratched the back of his neck. "I know, but you said you weren't sleeping well and going to bed late could make it worse."

Dean gave himself a mental high five for amazing bullshitting. The truth was he was eager to get into the bed with Cas. _Ugh, not like that. Stupid brain._

Cas' eyes scrutinized him for a moment and Dean was sure he would call him out on his bullshit, but Cas only nodded. "Okay, my bag is in the living room."

Dean watched him go and followed him out of the kitchen. He waited by the stairs and when Cas returned with his bag, they walked to Dean's room together.

Once they were in, Cas started taking off his clothes and Dean averted his eyes.

"I can wait outside while you change clothes," Dean offered.

"Don't be silly. You've seen me change already," Cas said and when Dean glanced at him, he was wearing a worn-out t-shirt and pajama bottoms.

"Yeah, I guess," Dean murmured, and put on his own sleeping clothes.

"Is your mother still in the bathroom? I need to brush my teeth."

"I'm sure she'll be out soon."

Cas nodded and they stared at each other for several moments, until Cas looked away and sighed. "Dean, I may not be a social expert, but I believe we are having an awkward moment."

Dean huffed a laugh and rubbed his eyes. "Yeah, I guess we are. Let's just watch some TV while we're waiting."

They sat on the bed and Dean surfed through the channels until they settled on some documentary about tigers. As Dean teared up because a baby tiger lost its mother, someone knocked on the door.

"I wanted to tell you good night." Mary peeked in. "I'm going to bed."

Dean and Cas wished her good night and a second before she left, she looked back at them.

"You didn't bring another mattress for Cas."

Dean swallowed hard. "Well, my bed is really big and that mattress really sucks, so I figured we could share." His words sounded true enough, but he wasn't sure if his mother would buy it.

Mary looked at them for a while, before she hummed and left the room.

"Do you think she believed it?" Cas asked.

"I don't know. It doesn't really matter, 'cause it's not like I lied to her. I just didn't say the whole truth."

Cas huffed. "I'm going to brush my teeth."

"I'll go with you."

In the bathroom Dean lent him some toothpaste and they brushed their teeth, side by side. Feeling less awkward now, Dean bumped his hip against Cas' and smiled when Cas sent him a questioning glance. Cas rolled his eyes, but bumped Dean's hip in return, with a bit more force. They laughed and Dean felt a huge relief that everything was normal between them again.

Back in Dean's room, they settled into the bed.

"How should we do this?" Cas asked once they were lying beside each other.

Dean didn't answer, but scooted closer to Cas and put his arm around Cas' torso while his leg tangled with Cas'. He buried his face into Cas' neck before speaking, "Hold me, Cas."

Cas' arms wrapped around him and Dean let out a shaky breath.

"Is this okay?"

"Yeah, Cas. It's perfect. But loosen up a bit."

"I thought you didn't want me to hold you," Cas said, but tightened his grasp and relaxed.

"You wanted to do it last time and what kind of friend would I be if I didn't let you?"

Cas snorted. "Why don't you just admit you like it?"

At those words, Dean stiffened. Cas sounded like he was joking, but... "What if I do? Like it, I mean," Dean whispered.

Cas stayed silent for a few beats, but when he spoke up, he sounded content. "It's okay if you do. Actually, it makes me feel better knowing you get something out of this too and aren't only doing it for me. I was afraid I was making you uncomfortable and you were too nice to say anything."

"Jesus, Cas. Don't worry about things like that. I wouldn't be doing it if I didn't want to," Dean said and in a quiet voice he added, "I do like it. More than I thought I would."

"I'm glad you told me," Cas said. "Good night, Dean."

"Night, Cas," Dean responded and let himself enjoy the warmth of Cas' embrace as the sound of his heartbeat lulled him to sleep.

The morning came too soon, in Dean's opinion. He was woken up by the bright light coming from his window and realized there was a weight pressing onto him.

Yet again Cas had ended up sprawled all over him during the night. It seemed Cas really enjoyed being on top if his subconscious always brought them here.

Dean smiled as he watched his friend sleep and after some debating he brought his hand to Cas' hair. He hoped Cas got enough sleep because he'd started worrying about him.

For a while, he just laid there while his fingers stroked the soft mess on Cas' head. _Cas really has nice hair_ , he thought distantly.

After some time, he heard loud footsteps outside his room and prayed to God Sam wouldn't barge in. Of course, luck wasn't on his side that day and Sam opened the door.

Dean didn't let him speak, though, and put a finger on his mouth. "Shh. Don't wake him up," he whispered.

Sam stared at them with his mouth open in surprise. Dean was worried his brother would have a negative reaction, and he didn't want him to know. As a smirk slowly formed on Sam's face, Dean prepared himself for a lifetime of teasing.

"You're lucky Cas is asleep, otherwise I'd be laughing my ass off right now," Sam whispered and almost left the room. "Of course, there's always time for that later."

Dean sighed as Sam closed the door behind himself. He could always say it was an accident and that they had moved in their sleep. Technically, he wouldn't be lying because they _did_ fall asleep in a different position.

When had he decided on an explanation for Sam, he returned to stroking Cas' hair and didn't stop until Cas stirred awake.

"Morning. Did you sleep well?" Dean asked him once those blue eyes met his.

"Mhm," Cas murmured, and closed his eyes again. "I want to sleep some more."

"Okay, but I really have to pee, so if you could, um, move a bit."

Cas moved from his spot on Dean. "Sorry."

"It's okay, buddy," Dean said as he got up. "Hey, what do you say I make you some pancakes and bring them here?"

Cas smiled with his eyes still closed. "Breakfast in bed? Sounds great. Thank you, Dean."

"No problem."

Dean left the room and went to the bathroom before going to the kitchen. Sam sat at the table and ate his cereal.

"Good morning, Dean. You seem happy, must have had a really good night."

"Shut up, Sammy," Dean said and got everything he needed to make pancakes.

"Are you making pancakes?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, I promised Cas I'd make him some."

"Aw, now you're making him breakfast too. Cas is sure very lucky to have you."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Look, Sam. What you saw happened accidentally during the night and when I woke up, I couldn't move without waking him up too. Please don't say anything to Cas. He'll get embarrassed and shit."

"I'm not that big of a dick. My job is to tease you, not Cas," Sam said before sighing. "I wish I had taken a picture. Then I would have excellent blackmail material."

"Don't even think about telling anyone or I'll tell all of your friends what you write in your diary." Dean pointed a finger at him.

"Ugh, Dean. I told you not to read it. And it's a journal, not a diary," Sam said and smiled. "But don't worry, I won't tell anyone you were holding Cas like your life depended on it."

"You're such a pain in my ass," Dean huffed and continued working on the pancakes.

When he was finished, he ignored Sam's smirk and took the food to his room. Cas was in the same position Dean had left him in and he popped one eye opened when Dean entered the room.

"That smells great," Cas said as he sat up. "I'm really hungry."

"Me too." Dean sat beside Cas and handed him a plate while he put his own in his lap. "Dig in."

They ate without speaking and the only sounds in the room were their chewing and Cas' small moans which caused a weird sensation in Dean's stomach.

"So fucking good," Cas said as he swallowed the last bite.

"Thanks, Cas." Dean felt proud for making Cas enjoy something so much and he made a mental note to make pancakes for him more often.

He took the plates back to the kitchen and when he returned, he caught Cas in the middle of getting dressed. Instead of averting his eyes like the day before, he stared at Cas' chest and realized he was in a better shape than Dean had previously thought. His firm muscles flexed under the skin as he put on a shirt and Dean couldn't stop staring.

"You're hot," he blurted out and mentally slapped himself. He needed to learn not to speak before thinking.

"Um, thank you, I guess." Cas looked confused and his face flamed red, most likely mirroring Dean's own. "You said it like you find it surprising."

"N-no. I mean I knew you were attractive, but now I noticed you're, like, a real catch," Dean stumbled over his words as he tried to explain.

Cas bit his lips like he was stopping himself from laughing and Dean wanted to punch him for enjoying his embarrassment.

"It's okay, Dean. You are very pretty too," Cas said and bent down to pick up his bag.

"Hey, I'm not pretty. I'm sexy. Girls are pretty." Dean pouted and tried to ignore the heat which Cas' words brought to his face.

Cas smirked while he put his clothes in his bag. "Whatever you say."

After he finished packing, Cas declared he had to go home and study.

"It's Saturday. Who studies on Saturday?"

"People who want to graduate," Cas said and walked downstairs. "I'll see you on Monday. Bye."

Dean closed the door behind Cas and sighed. He had hoped they would hang out more that day, but it seemed like he would have to find some other entertainment.

"Castiel, I saved you a seat." Hannah waved from one of the desks by the window.

"Thank you," Cas said as he sat down. "But please, call me Cas. Only my mother calls me Castiel."

Hannah nodded. "I'll try to remember, Cas."

English was one of his favorite subjects and he was glad he had Hannah to keep him company.

Even though it was rare for them to spend time together outside of school, she was a good friend. They had a lot in common, so they often shared deep conversations.

There was a single problem. Cas believed Hannah harbored romantic feelings for him and he didn't want to see her hurt because he could never return them.

"May I ask you something?"

"Of course," Cas said as he opened his notebook.

She leaned closer and whispered, "Are you and Dean Winchester in a romantic relationship?"

Cas eyes widened and he looked around the classroom to see if anyone heard the question.

"No, we're not. What makes you think that?"

"Oh, well." Hannah looked away and blushed. "You're always together and lately I noticed you were... closer than usual."

"We haven't been acting any differently than before."

Hannah pursed her lips. "He's always touching you."

Cas felt his face heat up.

He _had_ noticed Dean touched him more often than before: patting his arm, squeezing his shoulder, bumping their hips or shoulders, ruffling his hair, throwing his arm around Cas while they walked beside each other. All of those were friendly gestures. The only reason Cas noticed their increased occurrences was because he was afraid he'd suffer from real heart problems considering how often his heartbeat raced in the last couple of weeks.

"It's not like that, Hannah," Cas said after a big pause.

"But you want it to be," she mumbled and looked away from him.

He realized then that Hannah was jealous, which was a feeling he was well familiar with.

"I guess I do," he admitted, hoping he wouldn't hurt her too much. "Please don't tell anyone."

She nodded, wearing a small, sad smile. "Of course not."

Their teacher entered the classroom and their conversation ended.

Dean joined Cas and Charlie at their usual table, both of them too deep in discussion to notice him.

"But you still say yes every time," Cas was saying. "You must like her at least a bit."

Charlie huffed. "There's just something alluring about her."

Dean sat down and drew his chair closer to Cas, so he could rest his arm on the back of Cas' seat. "What are you guys talking about?"

"Dorothy. Charlie's not-girlfriend." Cas smirked.

"You're so mean, Castiel." Charlie threw a piece of paper in Cas' direction, but it missed him. "We're more like friends with benefits, but without the friends part."

"Fuck-buddies," Dean said and earned himself a slap on the arm from Cas. He smiled and knocked his knee against Cas'. (If his leg stayed there, then it was only because he needed a lot of space.)

"I don't want to talk about her anymore," Charlie said. "So where's Lisa today?"

"She said she wanted to sit with her friends today," Dean said and looked around the cafeteria. A few tables behind him, he found his girlfriend. When their eyes met, they shared a smile.

"Everything okay between you two? You've seemed kinda distant lately."

Dean frowned at Charlie's words. His relationship with Lisa had been the same as always. "Of course we're okay," he said, sounding more defensive than he wanted to, but he would have noticed if something was off with him and Lisa. Right?

Cas and Charlie continued talking, but Dean didn't pay attention. He tried to recall the last time he and Lisa were alone, but all he could remember was the evening before his birthday, which was almost a month ago. Worry and guilt blended in his chest. What if he had disappointed Lisa?

A hand touched his leg and he looked up into Cas' worried eyes.

"Are you okay, Dean?" Damn. Cas sounded worried and Dean felt bad for upsetting him.

"I'm okay, buddy."

With a smile he brushed his hand through Cas' hair to make sure Cas believed him.

"If you say so." Cas turned back to Charlie, but Dean knew his friend didn't believe him. Well, he would explain his concerns later in private.

When he looked at Charlie, her eyes were flicking between him and Cas and something behind them.

"What are you looking at?" Dean asked her because he didn't see anything when he turned around to look.

"Oh, nothing. I have to go, see you tomorrow." Charlie fled without waiting for their replies.

Dean shook his head at her weird behavior.

They stayed silent as they ate, but after a few minutes, Dean broke the silence, "So, we're still studying together later, right?"

Cas took his time swallowing his food before he nodded. "Yes, Dean. I'll come over to your house."

"Okay," Dean said and tried not to sound excited.

He and Cas talked about Cas' struggle with studying and they decided to try and study together. While they cuddled. Cas had seemed reluctant, but Dean thought it was a brilliant idea. Not only would it help Cas to learn better, but they would both get their 'comfort touches' - as Dean called it in his mind- which would help them deal with their daily stress.

The rest of the school day passed without much excitement. Dean waited beside the Impala for Cas when Lisa walked up to him and pecked him on the lips.

"Hey, babe. Is there any chance you could give me a ride to the dance studio? My dad can't pick me up," she said.

"Of course. Cas will be here in a minute."

Lisa smiled, but for some reason it seemed forced. Before he could ask her what was wrong, he noticed Cas rushing towards them.

"Hello. I'm sorry I'm late."

"Don't worry about it. You don't mind if I give Lisa a ride? It won't take long."

Cas smiled and shook his head. "It's not a problem at all. Do you want to sit in the front seat?" he asked Lisa, who seemed as surprised as Dean felt. Cas always sat in the front.

"Sure, thanks," she said and this time her smile was more real.

When Dean parked in front of the studio, Lisa leaned over and pressed a quick kiss on his lips before dashing out with a small bye.

After he made sure Lisa had entered the building, he turned to Cas and asked, "Do you want to change seats now?"

Cas moved to sit in the front and Dean started the engine again. When they were close to their street, Dean broke the comfortable silence.

"So, it was kinda weird seeing you in the backseat," he said. "To be honest, I prefer you here beside me."

Cas hummed in response. "I prefer sitting here too. And I noticed you kept glancing at me in the rearview mirror. If I knew it'd cause you to risk getting us in a car crash, I wouldn't have offered Lisa my seat."

Dean opened his mouth to respond, but wasn't sure what to say. He didn't think it was _that_ obvious he had been watching Cas. But since he was used to seeing him from the corner of his eye while he drove, he felt like he was missing something today.

"I would never risk destroying Baby."

"Hmm, I guess you're right."

An hour after they parted, Cas knocked on his front door and Dean hurried to open it.

Cas carried the heavy history book while he walked to Dean's house. They hadn't cuddled since the sleepover, but they had talked about it and somehow they came up with study cuddles. Well, Dean came up with it and Cas couldn't find an excuse to say no.

Even though they had done it so many times, after Dean had admitted he liked it, Cas was still nervous. He tried to comfort himself with the chances of Dean finding out that Cas loved him being low, but the fear of exposure was rooted deep in his chest.

"Hey, Cas," Dean greeted him with a huge grin.

"Hello, Dean." Cas smiled back and entered the house.

"There's no one home right now, so we'll have peace and quiet," Dean said as they climbed up the stairs.

"Oh, that's good."

"Yeah, mom is working till 10, and Sammy's at his friend's house. He'll text me to come pick him up later, so if we're still studying by then, we'll have to take a break."

Dean's room was always tidy because he hated a mess, but Cas was sure it was even cleaner today.

"Dean, did you clean up your room?"

"Well, um." Dean blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. "I thought it'd be easier to study in, you know, a clean environment, or something."

"Thank you for thinking of me." Cas smiled and squeezed Dean's shoulder.

"Yeah, well, I just want to help you."

Cas swallowed and sat on the bed. "You already help a lot. I don't want to burden you wit-"

"You could never burden me with anything, okay. You're my best friend, I want to do everything I can to make you happy." Dean's voice was loud. "Besides, how many times were you there for me in the past, huh? When- when my dad died, you were the only one I could talk to."

His eyes watered at the memory. Cas had never seen Dean so broken before and he had done everything in his power to help him get through his father's death.

"Dean, you can't compare that to this."

"I'm not comparing it, I'm just saying it started then. You taking care of me. Every time I was sick, or sad, or angry, you were there to comfort me."

"You are talking like you've never done anything for me."

Dean sat beside him and pulled Cas into his chest. "I'm just trying to tell you to stop worrying about bothering me or some shit. Friends help each other. You helped me, now I'm helping you."

Cas stayed still, surprised by Dean's action, before he let himself relax and wrap his arms around Dean's waist.

"Thank you, Dean."

Dean didn't respond, but Cas felt him nuzzling his hair.

After several minutes, Cas broke the silence, "I don't think this is a very good position for studying."

Dean laughed and gently pushed Cas off him. "How about this?"

They took their books and tried to find a perfect position. Cas sat between Dean's spread legs, leaning more on Dean's right side, so Dean could put his book on both of their left legs while Cas held his book in his hands. His back was pressed against Dean's chest and he moved along with Dean's breaths. Dean's right arm was holding him and Cas enjoyed the firm touch.

They talked if it was related to history, but otherwise they studied in silence, for which Cas was grateful. Dean must have remembered the last time they studied and was extra careful not to distract Cas.

Hours passed and Cas was proud to say he learned a lot. He was surprised because he had been doubtful earlier (he was sure he'd be distracted by being so close to Dean).

At half past eight, Dean got a text from Sam.

"I'll be back in fifteen, so don't go anywhere."

Cas rolled his eyes. "Don't worry. Now go, Sam is waiting."

Dean left and Cas revised everything he had learned today. History could be a boring subject for many people, but Castiel liked it. He loved to imagine he was there and watching everything unfold in front of his eyes. It was fun and it helped him remember important facts, even though it took a lot of concentration.

"Hey, Cas." Sam appeared at the doorway, and Cas startled at the sound of his voice.

"Hello, Sam. Did you have a good time?"

Sam nodded. "I did. But, you... The whole afternoon with Dean... You must be tired." He smirked and looked behind his shoulder from where Dean's hand showed up and smacked the back of Sam's head.

"Shut up, Sammy. Cas loves my company," Dean said and got into the room.

"Only 'cause you're a good pillow," Sam said and left the room.

Cas frowned at those words. "What does he mean?"

A nervous laugh left Dean's lips as he rubbed his neck. "Funny story," he said as he closed the door. "Remember that time you slept over? Well, he kinda saw us cuddling."

Cas gasped and his face flushed. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Dean shrugged. "I told him not to bring it up and that it was an accident. I guess I didn't want you to be embarrassed."

"But aren't you embarrassed? And you still want to continue doing this even after Sam saw us?"

"Well, it was a bit weird when he saw us and he hasn't stopped teasing me ever since, but... I don't want to stop," Dean confessed.

"Okay, if you say so," Cas said. "I think I should go home, though. It's getting late and I can barely think."

Dean pouted. "Oh, okay. Do you want me to go with you?"

Cas took his book and got up from the bed. "There's no need. I'll see you tomorrow."

After the first time they tried to study while cuddling, they continued doing it every day. Cas told him they didn't have to do it on Friday, but Dean insisted.

The truth was, Dean loved it. At first it was distracting, but when he got used to Cas' closeness and his warmth and his smell, it even helped him with remembering boring facts.

Dean had never been a bad student, but learning history was always a difficult and slow task. He had a problem with memorizing years and names. Yet with Cas he managed to do it. It seemed like they were both benefiting from their study dates.

"So I was thinking maybe we could do something today?" Lisa's voice pulled him from his thoughts. He had blanked out while she and Charlie had chatted.

"Hmm, what?"

"I said maybe we could do something together today?" she repeated. "What's up with you?"

"Oh, nothing I was just thinking."

"About what?"

"Nothing important," Dean said, but he might have sounded firmer than he wanted. "But look, I can't today."

"Why not?" she asked and Dean could hear the sadness in her voice.

"I'm studying with Cas later," he said. "Maybe some other time."

Lisa huffed. "Fine. See you later." She took her tray and left the table.

"What's up with her?" Dean asked as he watched her go.

Charlie glared at him and for a second he feared for his life. "Are you a fucking moron?"

"What did I do?"

"You blew her off. For Cas," Charlie said. "She's jealous."

"Jealous? Of Cas?"

"Yes! You've been spending a lot of time with Cas these past few weeks. Haven't you two studied together yesterday? And the day before yesterday?"

"Of course I'm spending a lot of time with him; I always have. He's my best friend. And yes, we've been studying together often, but he needed some help." Dean tried to keep his voice down, but it wasn't easy. He didn't like being accused.

"I don't think you realize how much attention you've been giving Cas. More than before. Everyone's noticed. And I understand Cas was having a hard time these past few months, but you should put yourself in Lisa's position. She feels like you don't care about her anymore."

Dean nodded. He knew he had been spending less time with her, but he didn't realize it was that bad. "You're right, Charlie. I haven't been a very good boyfriend. I'm gonna apologize to her."

"That's a good start," Charlie said and left him alone at the table.

Dean ate the rest of his lunch while he planned a date for him and Lisa. He promised to himself that he was going to make it the best date ever.

Later that day, he walked to Cas' house.

"Sorry I'm late," he said as Cas let him in.

"We haven't set a time, how can you be late?"

Dean shrugged. "I dunno. It seemed like it took me a lot of time."

Cas frowned. "Well, it's okay."

They walked into Cas' room before Cas closed the door.

"You didn't bring your book," Cas said once they sat on the bed.

Dean looked at his empty hands. "I didn't even realize. I'm sorry."

Cas tilted his head as he observed him. "Are you okay? You seemed sad today."

"I had a fight with Lisa. Kinda."

"What happened?"

"She wanted to hang out today, but I said I had plans with you," Dean said and a smack landed on his head.

"Dean! I said we didn't have to do it today. You could've said yes, I would understand."

"I know, but I didn't think she'd get mad. It seems like I haven't been paying enough attention to her lately."

"What are you planning to do?" Cas asked.

"Well, I want to take her somewhere nice. But I don't know where. Maybe that new restaurant in the center."

Cas shook his head. "My mother was there a few weeks ago. She complained for three days about their food. I don't know if she was exaggerating, but you probably shouldn't risk it."

"Yeah, I guess," Dean said. His one idea was gone.

"Maybe you should take her to the restaurant she and Charlie were talking about few days ago."

Dean tried to recall that conversation, but he couldn't. Cas must have realized because he let out a huge, dramatic sigh.

"Dean. She was talking about that small Italian restaurant near the mall."

"Oh, I know where that is. You think she'll like it?"

Cas nodded. "She'll be happy you remembered something she had mentioned only briefly."

Dean sighed. "Don't rub it in my face. How am I supposed to remember everything?"

"You can start by listening when she's talking." Cas smirked.

Dean punched him in his arm. "Smartass."

"You can call her now and talk to her." Cas suggested after a few moments.

"Nah. I'm gonna talk to her on Monday. I'll give her flowers, or something."

Cas' eyes brightened. "I can help you with that. I love flowers."

"I know, Cas," Dean said and smiled. "You used to give me flowers every day when we were kids and we weren't even that good friends yet. Until..."

Both of their faces darkened at the memory.

"I loved them. I didn't want you to stop, but my Dad... Well, you know."

Cas nodded. "It's okay, Dean."

It wasn't okay.

His dad had seen Dean accepting flowers and shouted at both of them because, "boys ain't supposed to give flowers to other boys." John Winchester had never been a perfect father and over the years Dean had learned to cope with it, but making Cas cry that day was something for which Dean would never forgive him.

Dean cleared his throat. "I guess we can go before school and buy a nice bouquet."

"Alright," Cas said and gestured at his book on the bed. "We're not going to study today, are we?"

Dean laughed. "Probably not. We can still, you know." Dean gestured at Cas then at himself.

"Cuddle. It's a very simple word."

"Shut up and cuddle me." Dean smirked.

Cas rolled his eyes and started to lean towards Dean, but Dean stopped him.

"I want you to hold me this time." Dean felt himself blush at the request, but he knew Cas wouldn't make fun of him.

"Of course. Do you want to lie down?"

Dean nodded and put his head on Cas' chest once he lay down. Cas' arm settled on his hip, but Dean grabbed it, moving it on his lower back instead.

"You're always so warm," Dean spoke after a long silence.

"You are too."

Dean chuckled. "Who needs a heater when we have each other."

"No. Absolutely not," Cas said and took another bite of his apple.

"Cas. I'm begging you." Charlie looked at him with pleading eyes, but Cas couldn't say yes. He refused to be a third wheel.

"What's up?" Dean showed up at their table with Lisa in tow. They were holding hands while Lisa held the bouquet in her other hand. They were both smiling, so it must have gone well.

"Dorothy asked me to watch a movie together. We didn't really say it was a date, but we've never done anything but making out and stuff. I asked Cas to go with me, in case it becomes awkward, but he doesn't want to." Charlie pouted.

"Maybe, me and Lis can go with you? Then it'd be less awkward for you, huh?" Dean nudged him.

"Great, so I wouldn't be a third wheel, but a fifth wheel," Cas grumbled.

"When is it going to be? Dean and I are going out on Friday."

"Oh, well, it's on Saturday." Charlie seemed uncertain now when it looked like Lisa might be there.

But Lisa made a sad face. "Sorry, I can't. I have a family thing."

Cas noticed Charlie hiding her relieved face. "That's too bad. But do you still want to go, Dean? 'Cause if you go then Cas will go too."

He frowned and wanted to deny it, but Dean said yes and looked at him with raised eyebrows. Cas rolled his eyes, but accepted as well. He was weak.

They ate and while the girls chatted about Lisa and Dean's date, Dean smiled at him and mouthed a 'thank you'. Cas shrugged and returned the smile.

Even though his heart was breaking every time he saw them together, he knew how much Lisa meant to Dean. There was nothing for him to do, but help Dean when he needed it.

"Cas, I need your help." Dean held the phone to his ear while he looked through his clothes. "I don't know what to wear."

"How are you expecting me to help? You always make fun of my clothes."

"I don't make fun of them. Well, I do, but not in a _bad_ way." Dean sighed. "Come on, you always dress nicely and you go to fancy places more often. Please."

"Fine, I'll come over," Cas said and hung up.

Ten minutes later, both of them stood in front of Dean's closet.

"You should wear this." Cas took out a green button-up shirt and handed it to Dean. "Try it."

Dean put on the shirt and spread his arms, so Cas could get a better view. "Is it okay?"

Cas looked at him and frowned. "Maybe you should have taken off your t-shirt first."

He glanced down. "Oh. Oops."

After redressing, now without his t-shirt, he turned around to face Cas who was staring at the floor.

"You can look now."

"It's good. Unbutton the top button and it'll be perfect," Cas said after he finished his observation and turned back to the closet. "We need to find you some pants. You only have jeans."

"Well, I only wear jeans. Why would I have fancy pants when I don't wear them?"

"You would wear them now." Cas shook his head. "What about those pants you wore at the homecoming dance?"

"Yeah, they should still be here somewhere." Dean rummaged through his clothes until he found what he had been looking for.

"I think those will do. You have shoes, right?"

"Yep. Thanks, Cas. You're awesome." Dean had started to take off his jeans when he realized Cas was leaving. "Wait till I try them on."

When he was dressed up, he turned on his heel to give Cas a good look.

"You look great, Dean," Cas said as he looked him up and down.

Dean's whole body grew hot at the intensity of Cas' gaze, but he smiled at the compliment. "Just great?"

"I'm sorry, you look amazing, fantastic, fabulous. Absolutely fucking perfect."

Dean bowed down and put a hand on his chest. "Thank you, thank you very much."

They laughed before Cas announced he had to go.

"Okay. Thank you for your help," Dean said as he walked him to the door. "Who knows how I'd dress today without you."

"It wasn't a problem, Dean." Cas smiled and Dean couldn't resist pulling him in a short hug.

They pulled apart and Dean watched Cas as he walked out of the house.

Dean went to the bathroom and fixed his hair before putting the cologne Lisa gave him for Christmas. It was her gift and even though he didn't like it much, he thought it'd be nice to use it for their date.

He was nervous like he was on their first date, but he was scared she'd be disappointed. There was a surprise he had planned for her and he wasn't she would like it as much as he had thought when he came up with the idea.

A drive to Lisa's house was short. After parking in front her house, Dean checked the time, which confirmed he arrived three minutes early. He waited two more minutes to give her more time to get ready before knocking on the door.

Only a few moments later, Lisa showed up, wearing a red dress and a huge smile. "Hey, Dean."

Leaning in, he gave her a small kiss. "Hey. You look amazing."

Her smile widened and she closed the door behind her. "Thank you. You too."

"Thanks."

Dean put his hand on her lower back and they walked to the car.

"I'm surprised you found something other than jeans in your closet," she teased him.

"Ha ha," he pouted, pretending he was offended. "But you're right, it was tricky. I was digging through my closet for a good fifteen minutes, but luckily, um, I remembered I had pants from homecoming."

At the last moment he decided not to mention Cas. If Lisa was bothered by him spending too much time with Cas, maybe it'd be better not to talk about him on their date.

They drove to the restaurant. Dean had made a reservation for them few days ago, so they didn't have to worry about finding a table.

"I was so happy you remembered me saying I wanted to check this place out," Lisa said once they were in front of the entrance.

Dean forced a smile. "Yeah, I remembered you and Charlie talking about it."

He felt guilty for taking credit, but telling the truth wouldn't help him win Lisa over.

A waiter led them to their table and Dean pulled a chair out for Lisa, who grinned.

"You're really doing everything you can to make it up to me."

Dean shrugged after sitting down in his own seat. "I want you to know that I care about you."

After ordering their food, Dean looked around the place. It was a small, cozy restaurant, but still fancy. Dean felt uncomfortable there, but he had to handle it. At least for one evening.

He had no idea how to behave in this environment and for a moment he wished Cas was there. Cas often went to places like this with his mother, even though he disliked it almost as much as Dean did.

Dean shook his head. Not a time for thinking about Cas.

Lisa must have noticed something because her smile weakened. "Is something wrong?"

"No, everything's fine," Dean reassured her. "I don't go to places like this often, so, I guess I don't really know what to do."

"Don't worry, I'm not much better either," she paused as the waiter served their food and waited until he was gone, "One thing both of us know how to do is eat."

Dean watched as Lisa took a bite of her pasta. "You're not wrong there."

Following suit, he dug in. The food was delicious, almost excusing the enormous prices. Still Dean was happy he wouldn't spend a lot of money only to stay hungry.

"And if someone's giving you a stink eye, I say fuck 'em."

He choked on his food before letting out a laugh which may have been too loud for their surroundings. "You're amazing."

"I know," Lisa smiled and shrugged. "It's just something I was born with, I can't help it."

The rest of the time there went easier. They chatted and enjoyed their meal. Dean was extra careful to keep the conversation on Lisa and her life. He wanted to show her he could listen and be there for her.

After the dessert, Dean paid the bill and they returned to the car.

"I had so much fun tonight," Lisa said as Dean started the engine. "I'm sorry if I've pressured you into doing this, but I really missed spending time with you."

He shook his head. "You have every right to say if something is bothering you. That's how relationships work." He glanced at her to see her smiling. "I'm sorry I made you feel ignored."

"Apology accepted. You more than made up for it tonight."

"Oh, it's not over yet."

"Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise." Dean winked at her. He was proud to say that the next part of the date was his idea.

As he parked in a small clearing on the edge of the city, Lisa looked around and furrowed her eyebrows.

"You said once you'd like to watch the stars somewhere outside the city where you can see them better," he explained.

"Dean." She smiled and leaned over to kiss him. "Thank you."

They got out of the car and Dean took out a small blanket from the trunk. They spread it over the hood of the Impala before lying down.

"It's so beautiful. How did you find this place?"

Dean bit his lip to stop himself from blurting out the truth. While he was the one who came up with the idea, Cas was the one who told him about the perfect spot.

"I found it on Google maps," he answered. "Useful tool."

They couldn't have been sitting there for more than three minutes when Dean felt a drop on his cheek. After a second, another drop fell into his eye.

"It's starting to rain," he said.

In a matter of seconds they were in the middle of a downpour and they hurried to get into the car.

"It wasn't supposed to rain," Dean said once they were in the safety of the car. "I'm sorry."

He felt a soft hand gripping his own. "Dean, it doesn't matter, I'm really happy we spent time together. I loved it."

They smiled at each other before leaning in and pressing their lips together.

After kissing for several minutes, they pulled apart. Lisa scooted closer and nestled into his arms while he rested his chin on the top of her head.

Since they didn't do it often, Dean was thrilled to hold her and have her close. In the past few months, he got used to holding someone bigger and less soft, though, so it seemed different and unusual.

He brought his nose to Lisa's hair and inhaled. She smelled nice, but her shampoo was too strong, not like... Dean sighed and reprimanded himself for thinking of Cas. Again.

"This is nice," Lisa said after a few minutes.

"Yeah."

"I love being with you." She sat up and looked up into his eyes. "I love you."

Dean faltered; he hadn't expected this. He opened his mouth to speak, but words wouldn't come out. His throat tightened and he swallowed hard before he finally responded, "Me too."

After hearing his own words, he realized how unsure and insincere he sounded. Lisa's face fell and Dean knew he had screwed up.

She looked away and faced the window. "You should take me home now."

He nodded, even though she couldn't see it. They drove in silence.

Once he was in front of her house he tried to apologize.

"Lisa, I-"

"Good night, Dean." She got out of the car before he could do anything to stop her.

As he watched her enter the house, he sighed and banged his head on a steering wheel.

"What the fuck do you want, asshole?"

"Good morning to you too, Charlie," Dean said into his phone.

"It's eight in the morning. On Saturday," she growled.

"I'm sorry, okay. But I really need to talk with you. About Lisa," he said, "Something happened yesterday and I couldn't sleep all night."

Charlie sighed, "Fine. Give me an hour. I'll meet you at the Roadhouse."

"Thank you so much."

"Don't thank me. This better be real important or I'll strangle you."

She hung up and Dean put the phone away.

He had contemplated calling Cas first, but he realized Cas would never forgive him if he woke him up. Besides, he was sure Charlie was a better solution for this particular problem. She would have a good advice.

After he finished taking a shower, he was left with enough time to take a walk to the Roadhouse. Charlie was already there when he arrived and he hurried to her table.

"Hey, Charlie," he greeted her and she jumped. "Thanks for coming."

"It's okay, I guess, you sounded really serious. What happened?" Charlie asked after recovering from the shock.

"Well, we were out and everything was going great. After the restaurant I drove us to this clearing outside the city so we could watch the stars, but it started raining. So we got in the car, made out a bit."

Charlie made a face. "Is this a sex thing, 'cause I really don't want to hear about that."

"No. Just let me finish. We sat there and, um, cuddled, kinda." Dean's face heated up. "And then she said she loved me."

Charlie raised an eyebrow. "How is that a problem?"

Dean had trouble swallowing; his mouth was dry. "I froze up and didn't answer immediately."

"Why did you freeze? You don't love her?"

"I do. She's amazing, but..." Dean trailed off. "I never said that to anyone."

They paused their conversation as they ordered drinks.

"You never told anyone you loved them? Not even to your family?"

"Of course I did. I said it to Mom and Sammy and um..." Dean shook his head. "Never to someone I dated though."

"Well, if you explain it to her, she'll understand," Charlie said.

Dean looked down at his hands on the table. "The thing is, I'm not sure if I'm in love with her. Isn't it too early for me to know?"

Charlie sighed. "You've been dating for almost a year."

"It's not a year yet."

Charlie glared at him and looked ready to kill him. "More than six months, though. You should know by now."

Dean shut his eyes in frustration. He was so confused. "How do you know you're in love?"

"Oh, Dean." Charlie's expression softened. "That's something you just know."

"Were you ever in love?"

Her eyes widened, but she was saved by a waitress. Dean wouldn't let her get away with it, though.

"So, were you?"

"Yes," she said. "But, it wasn't requited. She's straight."

"Oh, sorry. Are you still into her?"

Charlie looked around and Dean regretted asking when it became obvious that she was uncomfortable.

"I'm not sure. I still think she's smoking hot, but I don't think about her all the time anymore. Dorothy has been a great distraction." She smirked.

Dean shook his head and chuckled. "So, do I know this girl who broke your heart?"

Charlie snorted. "It doesn't matter."

"But, you're not in love with Dorothy?"

"No. Maybe I will be one day."

Dean smiled. "You like her."

"Yeah, I guess." She shrugged.

"I can't wait to meet her," Dean said and drank from his glass. "Look, I really don't know what to do."

She sighed, "Only you can know if you're in love or not. Just remember what you hear in movies and books.

"Like... You're thinking about that person often, everything reminds you of them, you miss them and you want to spend every possible moment with them, when they enter the room you can't stop looking at them, when they're close you want to get closer and touch them any way you can, you accept their flaws, you often dream about them and sometimes you _dream_ about them if you catch my drift and... they just make you happy..."

Charlie looked so lost in her thoughts and Dean had to stop her. He had heard enough.

"You can stop now, Charlie. Thanks for this, you helped a lot."

"I did?"

"Yeah, but I've got to go now. I got to think about things."

"Don't hurt yourself."

Dean rolled his eyes and put some money on the table. As he tried to get up, he knocked his knee and winced. After he recovered from the pain, he walked toward the door, but on the way he bumped into a table. Feeling everyone's eyes on him, he hurried outside, away from the embarrassment.

Someone was knocking on his door and Cas rushed to open it. He was surprised to see Dean.

"Hello, Dean. You're early," he said as he let Dean in. "I'm not ready yet."

"Sorry. I wasn't really looking at the time."

"Did something happen?"

Dean shook his head. "Nah, I was just lost in thoughts."

They climbed upstairs to Cas' room and Dean sat on the bed.

"How did your date with Lisa go? Did she like it?" Cas didn't really want to hear about it, but he knew he had to ask. That was what friends did. They helped each other get ready for dates and they listened to each other. Even though it hurt. Even though it kept them up all night.

"She loved it all, but..." Dean stopped talking and avoided Cas' eyes.

"Did you have a fight?"

"Kinda. I don't really want to talk about it." Dean at last turned to look at him. "Can you hold me?"

Cas was surprised, but he presumed Dean was suffering from whatever had happened with Lisa. He couldn't refuse if it would help Dean feel better.

When he lying on the bed, he pulled Dean to his chest and gripped him tightly. Dean sighed, but Cas didn't ask him about it.

Some time after, he had to get up and get himself ready for Charlie's date. Dean stayed in bed while Cas went to take a shower.

When he finished and put his clothes on, he returned to his room. Dean's soft snores told him his friend was asleep and Cas was reluctant to wake him up. He'd like to fall asleep himself if he could, but they would be late. Instead, he put a hand on Dean's shoulder and shook him lightly.

"Wha-" Dean startled as he woke up.

"I'm sorry for waking you. But we have to go."

As they walked down the stairs, Cas noticed Dean avoided touching him, even accidentally. He tried to catch Dean's eyes, but he ignored him and Cas' chest filled with heaviness. What did he do?

Dean was confused about his feelings. He had spent most of the day analyzing his relationship with Lisa and how he felt towards her.

When he compared it to Charlie's description, he had to admit to himself that he wasn't in love with Lisa. He cared about her, but not in that way. He had thought that as time passed, his feelings would grow stronger, but they hadn't. Maybe it wouldn't be a problem if Lisa hadn't admitted that her feelings had developed, but since she had the future of their relationship was questionable.

And maybe they could have worked it out somehow if Charlie's words hadn't opened up another place in his mind, something he had never dared to think about before. A realization which had slapped him in the face today.

He shook those thoughts away and focused on the rest of the evening. Charlie was chipper when she opened the door, but Dean could tell she was hiding her nervousness.

"Hey, guys, come in. You know where the living room is, I'll be right back with popcorn and drinks."  
Dean and Cas walked into her living room and sat down on the sofa.

"She's excited," Cas commented and Dean hummed in response, staring at the 'Star Wars' DVD box set on the coffee table.

"Dean," Cas said, his voice dripping with insecurity. "Are you mad at me? I'm sorry if I did something wrong."

He sighed. Of course Cas would think it was his fault. Dean looked at him and scooted closer so he could bump their shoulders together. "I'm not mad. Just tired. Couldn't sleep all night."

"Oh. Because of Lisa?"

"Yeah."

Cas put a hand on his knee and Dean stared at it. "I'm sure everything will be okay between you two."

"Sure," Dean said, even though he didn't believe it.

Their conversation was cut short when they heard a knock on the door. A few moments later, Charlie and a girl who he presumed was Dorothy walked in.

"Hey, you must be Dean and Cas," Dorothy said. "Charlie told me she invited you along."

"I'm Dean. And that's Cas."

"Oh, yeah. I remember you from Bela's party," she told Cas.

"Yes, we met briefly. You were mostly preoccupied with other matters, though," Cas said and his eyes flickered towards Charlie.

Charlie blushed and Dorothy smirked. "That was a night to remember."

"Okay, let's watch some movies." Charlie cleared her throat and sat on the sofa.

There was barely room for all four of them and when they finally settled down, Dean ended up squashed between an arm of the sofa and Cas. He threw his arm on the back of the couch and he was reminded of the last time he was in a similar position with Cas. When he noticed Cas' light blush, Dean knew he remembered too.

The movie started and Dean tried to watch it, but his attention drifted to Cas. He seemed tired and he was working hard on keeping his eyes open, but they kept dropping. Dean lowered his arm on Cas' shoulders and his friend jumped up in surprise.

Cas eyed him, but didn't push him away, so Dean leaned closer and whispered, "Why don't you catch some rest, you've seen this movie a hundred times anyway."

Dean noticed Cas glance at the girls, but they were too engrossed in the movie and each other to pay him and Cas any attention.

A small smile appeared on Cas' lips before he dropped his head on Dean's shoulder and fell asleep several minutes later. He was probably having a hard time sleeping again and Dean wished he could help him more. After a second of mulling it over, Dean buried his fingers in the soft hair- maybe it would help- and smiled.

Dean stifled a yawn and rubbed his eyes with his free hand. He needed more sleep himself, but he decided to get through the movie. Charlie wouldn't be happy with both of them falling asleep.

He put his head on top of Cas' and focused on the movie, but as much as he loved 'Star Wars', it wasn't doing it for him that day. Instead, he observed Charlie and Dorothy.

They were sitting close and Dean was pretty sure they were holding hands. Nothing seemed awkward about them though, and Dean wasn't sure why Charlie had been nervous. The glances they kept throwing at each other when the other wasn't looking were clue enough that they liked each other.

Every now and then Charlie would comment on the movie and Dean peeked at Cas every time, hoping it didn't wake him up.

When the movie finished, Charlie exclaimed, "This was awesome, right?"

Before anyone could say anything else, Dean shushed them. "Cas is asleep."

Two pairs of eyes turned to look at him and Dean realized too late that Cas was pressed tightly against him, his head on Dean's shoulder and Dean's hand in Cas' hair.

Charlie's eyebrows shot up, but she didn't speak.

"You two seem comfy," Dorothy smirked. "I didn't know this was a double date. Charlie told me you had a girlfriend, but maybe I misunderstood?"

"It's not like that," Dean hissed.

Charlie looked like she was about to say something, but there was a knock on the door and she got up to open it. Dorothy watched her go with a fondness in her eyes.

Soon a sound of conversation from the hallway reached the living room. The newcomer's voice was familiar. Was that...?

Yes, it was. Lisa walked into the living room and her step faltered when she saw him.

Dean swallowed hard and tried to and put some distance between him and Cas, but failed. He _did_ move his hand away from Cas' hair though, after he realized it was _still_ there.

This wasn't good. What if she thought there was something going on between him and Cas?

"This is not what it looks like," Dean said.

Lisa pressed her lips into a tight line and crossed her arms. "I didn't say anything. You're the one who jumped to that conclusion. Is there a reason?"

Charlie and Dorothy shared a look before leaving the room.

"Look, Cas was really tired and I told him he could sleep. There wasn't much room, so I said it was okay, you know, to use me as a pillow," Dean talked fast, but he was panicking.

"Mhm," Lisa said.

Before she could say or do anything else, Cas stirred awake. He opened his eyes and looked around. It took him a moment to notice the situation he was in but when he did, he jumped away from Dean.

"Oh, God. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"Calm down, it's okay," Dean cut him off. "Lisa and I need to talk. Will you be okay going home alone?"

Cas nodded, so Dean turned to Lisa who was watching them carefully.

"Let's go take a walk," Dean said as he got up and walked towards her. When he put a hand on her arm she brushed him away, but still followed him outside.

They walked in silence until they got to a park and sat on a bench. It was dark outside and only a single street lamp granted enough light so Dean could see Lisa.

"So, how come you came tonight? I thought you had a family gathering." Dean decided to ease his way into this conversation.

"Charlie called me this morning and said you were a mess, so I decided to skip dinner and drop by to see you," she said.

Dean cleared his throat. "Look, Lisa. About what happened yesterday, I'm really sorry. Charlie was right: I was a mess, I couldn't sleep the whole night. And I've been thinking about everything today and-"

"We should break up."

Dean looked up at her words. "That's not what I was gonna say."

"But, it's something we should do," Lisa said and sighed. "You don't love me."

"I do love you, but I'm not-"

"You're not in love with me."

Dean nodded. "I'm sorry. I thought I could fall in love, but-"

Lisa continued after he trailed off, "It's not easy when you're in love with someone else."

He froze. "What-what are you talking about?"

Lisa looked at him like he had grown a second head. "Seriously? After I saw you practically cuddling? You're still going to play stupid."

Dean knew who she was talking about. He knew all too well. Ever since Charlie had had her monologue about love, one person had kept coming to his mind, and Dean couldn't stop thinking about it. Cas.

"I'm not gay," he blurted out, even though he knew it was stupid, but his first instinct was to deny everything.

Lisa shook his head and sighed. "I know you're not. There's a thing called bisexuality, you know?"

Dean knew that too, but it wasn't easy for him to admit it. His whole life he had thought he was heterosexual, and changing labels in one day was hard, especially because he hadn't come to terms with his feelings yet.

"I realized it today, okay? I never thought about it before," Dean said. "I wouldn't lead you on, 'specially for this long if I had known."

Lisa's eyes softened as she covered his hand with hers. "I know, Dean. I'm not trying to make you look like the bad guy. You can't help who you fall in love with, but you have to understand I'm hurt."

"I know and I'm sorry. I really am," Dean said.

"Don't worry about it. I'll be fine eventually."

Dean smiled. "You sure will. You're a tough one."

Lisa laughed before bursting into tears. "I can't believe this is happening."

She threw herself in Dean's arms and he held her close while she cried.

When they parted, Dean offered to walk her home. They didn't talk, but the air between wasn't awkward, only slightly melancholic.

After stopping in front of her house, Dean looked at her and smiled. "One last kiss?"

Lisa shook her head, but leaned closer and pecked his cheek. "Goodbye, Dean."

"I really am sorry," he said once more as she got inside her house.

Dean let out a huge breath. Today was the longest day of his life. If someone told him last week he would break up with his girlfriend because he realized he liked his best friend in more than a friendly way, he would have laughed in their face and maybe added a punch or two for good measure. But now, he was a filled with confusion and fear.

What the fuck was he supposed to do now?

Cas stared at his ceiling as he tried to fall asleep. He wasn't completely sure what had happened, but according to Charlie, Lisa was mad at Dean, especially after seeing him and Cas in a compromising position.

Lisa couldn't have been mad only because of that, he guessed, but if she was, he hoped Dean would tell her it was an accident and she would forgive him. Cas didn't want to be responsible for problems in their relationship, or their break-up.

No matter what happened between Lisa and Dean tonight, one thing was sure. Dean would stop cuddling with him. There was no way Dean would continue if Lisa saw it. And if that wasn't enough, he would definitely want to stop after finding out Cas had told Charlie about it. He hadn't shared many details, but enough for Dean to feel embarrassed.

Cas groaned and buried his face in his pillow. Stupid. He was so stupid. Even though he knew something like this would happen and their arrangement would come to an end, he was still heartbroken. Why did he even let it happen in the first place? Because he was weak, that was why.

Loud pounding on his window shook him away from his thoughts. When he looked over, he was greeted by Dean's face and he hurried to let him in.

"Hey, Cas," Dean said as he stumbled inside. "I didn't wake you, did I?"

His words were slurred and when Cas leaned closer he caught the unmistakable stench of alcohol.

"You're drunk," he said as he helped Dean get up from where he had fallen on the floor.

"Great deduct-deduction, Sherlock." Dean lay on his bed and closed his eyes. "Lisa broke up with me."

Cas gulped. He'd suspected something like that and no matter how much he wanted Dean, he hated to see him miserable. "I'm sorry to hear that. Is there something I can do?"

"You can come here." Dean spread his arms and waited until Cas made up his mind and lay down.

Cas put his head on Dean's chest and listened to his rapid heartbeat while Dean locked him into a tight embrace.

"So, what happened?" Cas asked after a while.

When Dean didn't answer for several minutes, Cas assumed he'd fallen asleep, but then his quiet voice broke the silence, "It doesn't really matter."

He didn't say anything else and Cas didn't press further. If Dean didn't want to talk about it, Cas would respect his wish.

"Are you staying the night?"

"If you'll let me?"

"Of course, Dean."

"What would I do without you, huh?" Dean said and stroked Cas' back several times until he settled his hands at his waist. "'Night."

"Goodnight."

Dean was asleep several minutes later, but Cas couldn't follow suit. He wanted to bask in the feeling of Dean holding him and memorize it, because this was the last time he would experience it.

It needed to stop, Cas decided. He wouldn't cuddle with Dean anymore, even if Dean didn't request it himself tomorrow (but Cas was still convinced Dean would).

It was obvious Dean was heartbroken over the break up and needed comfort. Not to mention that he was drunk and not thinking rationally. He wouldn't ask for cuddling otherwise.

So Cas indulged him tonight, but starting tomorrow, Cas would have to learn how to deal with the loss of their snuggle-fests, comforting himself that it was for his own sake.

 


	3. Chapter 3

Dean woke up with a pounding headache. He refused to open his eyes for several minutes, but when he realized he wasn't supposed to be alone, he rushed to sit up and look around.

Cas was nowhere to be seen and Dean hoped he hadn't angered him when he had shown up drunk in the middle of the night.

He didn't know why he had thought getting hammered was a good idea. And then going to Cas' house... Yeah, that could have gone much, much worse. What if he had blabbed out something about his newfound feelings? He would have ruined years of great friendship and made everything weird and awkward.

Dean got up and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. As he made his way out of the room, he noticed a Post-it on the door.

_I went out for a run with Sam. Please avoid my mother. - Cas._

Dean chuckled and snuck out of the room without making a sound. He managed to leave the house without running into anyone.

But he wasn't afraid of Naomi, not this time. His own mother was probably waiting by the door for him to show up.

"Dean Winchester, where the hell were you all night?" As soon as he opened the front door, Mary's voice rang through the room, increasing his headache.

"I was at Cas'," he said. "I'm sorry I didn't let you know, but, um, Lisa broke up with me and I wasn't thinking straight."

His brain wanted to make a joke about not being straight either, but he held back. He wasn't sure his mother would find it funny.

"Well, Cas was nice enough to send me a message, otherwise I would be much angrier," she said with her hands on her hips. "That's why you'll be grounded for only two weeks."

Dean gaped. "Only?"

"Do you want more?" She raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, I didn't think so. Come on, I made breakfast."

He followed her to the kitchen and sat on the table where a single plate of pancakes waited. His mother was an angel, he was sure.

"So, what happened with Lisa? I know you really cared about her."

Dean stared at his plate and swallowed the bite of food. "I did, but not enough. Turns out, I'm not in love with her. I can't give her what she deserves, so we broke up."

Mary's eyes softened. "Oh, honey, I'm sorry. But love comes slowly, you could have fallen in love eventually. Maybe there's hope."

Dean shook his head. "I'm not so sure. Lisa is great, but I don't think she's the right one for me."

"Well, if you want to talk about it, I'm always here for you."

"I know, Mom." Dean smiled for a moment before something came to his mind. "There _is_ something I want to tell you."

"What is it?"

Dean stopped eating and looked at his mother. She was wonderful and she loved him and Sam with all her heart, but he wasn't sure how she would take what he was about to say. He knew his father wouldn't accept it, but his mother…

"So, you know how I like girls, right, but would you, like, mind if I liked boys too? In the same way," he said quickly, ripping off a hypothetical band-aid. His voice got quieter towards the end, but when it was all out in the open, there was no way back.

"Dean, honey, look at me."

He didn't even realize he had looked away, but when his eyes met his mother's, all he could see was love.

"I would never hate, or even disapprove of something that makes you you, okay? I'm proud of you and I'm glad you told me."

"Thanks, mom." Dean managed to smile as she pulled him into a hug.

"When did you realize if you don't mind me asking?" Mary asked when they pulled apart.

"Well, yesterday, actually."

"Oh," she said and her expression turned into a worried one. "Dean, I know you've been friends for a while, but I think you should cut down the sleepovers now that your relationship has progressed."

If Dean had been swallowing in that moment, he would have choked to death hearing those words. "What are you talking about? Cas and I, we're not like that."

"Hmm. If you say so. But I want you to be careful, alright?"

Dean burned hot when he realized what his mother was implying. "Mom, I swear, there's nothing going on between me and Cas."

"But, you want there to be."

"No, of course not. He's- he's like a brother to me. I would never." Dean stumbled through his denial and even though her unimpressed face told him she wasn't buying it, his mother didn't press further.

He was glad his mother was so accepting of his sexuality, but he didn't understand why she had jumped to the conclusion that he and Cas were a thing. Were his feelings so obvious that his mother knew about them before he did?

A loud bang from the hallway pulled him from his thoughts. Sam entered the kitchen, all sweaty and panting like a puppy. Dean hoped/feared Cas would come inside too, but when he didn't show up, Dean assumed he was too tired.

"Hey, Sammy, nice run?"

"Yeah. Cas was so fast today," Sam answered as he sat down. "I think there was a lot on his mind, he seemed kinda out of it."

Dean frowned. He wasn't sure if Cas was mad at him for the day before, but he would pay him a visit later to check and apologize.

"Hey, Mom, I know I'm grounded and all, but can I go to Cas' later? It's really important."

"What would be the point of grounding you if you could go wherever you wanted? Oh, and I'm taking your phone too."

"But, mom-"

"You can talk to him tomorrow at school."

Dean sighed, "Whatever."

"Why are you grounded anyway?" Sam asked.

"I kinda forgot to come home last night," he said and when his brother raised an eyebrow, he added, "I was with Cas."

"Were you two snuggling all night again?" Sam smirked and Dean glared at him.

"Again?" Mary chimed into their conversation. "I thought Cas was like a brother to you?"

She smirked and Dean understood where Sam got his teasing habit from. They were ganging up on him and he wasn't going to sit there and take it.

"I see where this is going, so I'm going to my room." He left the room in a huff, but not before he could hear both of them break out laughing.

Since he was not allowed to go anywhere or talk to anyone, he spent most of the day studying and cleaning up his room. His mother forbade him to use the internet and he wasn't in the mood to test her abilities of knowing his every move, so he stayed away from his laptop. He _did_ consider sending a message to Cas on Facebook, but he would rather apologize in person.

The next day, Dean hurried to pick Cas up. While he waited for him to come out, he prepared a speech in his head. This was far from the first time he was apologizing to Cas, but he was scared of accidentally letting out his feelings and even the mere thought of it left him mortified.

"Hello, Dean," Cas said as he got out of the house. "How are you?"

"I'm fine. Cas, wait." Dean ran after Cas who was rushing to the Impala. "I want to apologize."

"For what?" Cas stared at him like he was actually wondering why Dean had to apologize.

"For coming to your house drunk. I was feeling down and I guess you were the only one I could think of at that moment. I knew you could help me."

Cas snorted. "I didn't really help you. I was just lying there."

"Well, that was what I needed."

"Well, I accept your apology," Cas said and smiled. "We're going to be late if we keep standing here."

They sat in the car and Dean started the engine.

"Are you going to tell me what happened? With Lisa, I mean."

Dean stilled. He didn't want Cas to know some specific facts about that day, but he couldn't lie to him. "When we were on the date she told me she loved me and I kinda froze and didn't say it back right away. And the next day I realized I'm not really in love with her, you know. I mean I care, but not like she does."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Cas said, frowning. "Why are you so sure you're not in love with her? It never seemed that way."

"Well," Dean licked his lips before continuing, "I talked to Charlie about it and my feelings didn't match the 'in love' feelings. I would've broken up with Lisa eventually, but she beat me to it. Still, it was a shitty feeling."

"Are you going to be okay?"

"Of course. I feel bad about hurting Lisa, though. She didn't deserve it."

"Lisa is tough. I'm sure she will be fine. You don't have to feel guilty about it."

Dean nodded.

"On Saturday when Lisa saw me... sleeping on you, I was afraid she was angry because of it. I didn't want to cause trouble for you."

Dean laughed. "Don't worry about that, buddy. It doesn't matter now."

While Lisa was irritated about that too, it wasn't that big of a deal and Cas didn't need to know about it.

"Are _you_ mad about it? Charlie and Dorothy saw us…" Cas trailed off.

"No, Cas, I don't care. Besides, they didn't see much. You were only using me as a pillow, that's pretty normal between friends, right?"

Cas cleared his throat. "Actually, I may or may not have told Charlie that it's something we do sometimes."

Dean looked at Cas. "What?"

"I'm sorry. She was teasing me and I accidentally said how it wasn't the first time and that you've been helping me lately."

"Did you tell her about-"

"I only said you provide physical comfort when I need one. I didn't mention how exactly we do it, nor how often."

"Physical comfort?" Dean flushed. "Do you understand how that sounds, right? What if she thinks-"

"She doesn't think we're having sex. I made sure of it when I realized she may come to that conclusion. She probably thinks we hug a lot."

"Oh, okay." Dean glanced at Cas who was staring at his lap. "Hey, don't be sad. I'm not angry or anything. I just don't want things to be awkward between us."

"I know, Dean. It's alright." Cas smiled at him, "I understand."

Dean wasn't sure if Cas was lying to him or not, but he didn't want to push his friend into telling him. They pulled into the school's parking lot and got out of the car.

"Hey, I forgot to tell you I'm grounded. Two weeks."

Cas frowned. "Why? I let your mother know you were with me."

"Yeah, and thanks for that, she said my punishment would have been bigger otherwise."

"At least you're going to have a lot of time for studying," Cas smiled. "You'll get through this."

Dean punched him in the arm. "Thanks for the comforting words, man. I'll see you later."

Everything went alright for the rest of the day. Dean didn't run into Lisa, but he did notice her friends giving him the stink eye. He deserved it, but it still left him uneasy- he hoped they didn't know every detail about the break up. But Lisa wasn't a vengeful person. She would keep his secret.

When lunch time came, he hurried to the cafeteria. Only Charlie was sitting at their table when he got there.

"Hey, Charlie. Where's Cas?"

"At the library. Said something about English project."

"Oh."  
  
While he did want to see Cas, this was an excellent opportunity to talk to Charlie.

"So how was your weekend?" she asked.

"Lisa broke up with me and I'm grounded."

"What? What?" Charlie gasped. "Oh, Dean, I'm so sorry. When I called her to drop by, I thought you two would resolve everything."

"We did resolve it. I'm not in love with her and she needs someone who'll love her the way she deserves."

"But, I thought you realized you _were_ in love with her. You know, when we met at the Roadhouse."

Dean shook his head. "I did realize something, but not that."

"Geez, Dean. I'm sorry," Charlie said. "Now I feel guilty."

"It's not your fault. I would have broken up with her soon, anyway."

"Uh, it's not just that. You remember how I told you I was in love? Well, it was, maybe Lisa who I was talking about."

"Seriously?"  
  
"Yeah, and I kinda wished for you two to break up like hundred times and now..."

Dean smiled, "Don't worry about it. It's natural to want something like that when you're jealous. You didn't hate me though?"

"Of course not, you're one of my best friends, I could never hate you."

Dean frowned. "You've been hanging out with Cas a lot lately and I thought you two might, like-" he trailed off. He wasn't even aware how much this bothered him before he said it out loud.

"Leave you behind? Don't be stupid. We're all friends together." Charlie grinned.

Dean laughed, relieved a bit, "Sorry. So how was _your_ weekend?"

"Great, Dorothy asked me on a date. A real one this time. No other people."

"Awesome. She seemed great from what I could tell. We didn't talk much, but-"

"Yeah, you were too busy fondling Cas and all," She smirked. "Cas tells me you do it often."

Dean let out a frustrated breath and looked around to see if someone could hear them. "Not often, only when it gets hard for him to study or sleep. Ever since his cat died, he's been struggling. It was a big change for him."

"Yeah, he told me. He lost a friend in some way. It's nice of you to help him, though. Not many straight guys would."

Dean wanted to laugh, but he held it in. Not only that he wasn't straight, but he wasn't really doing it to help Cas either. He was more aware now that it had always been about being close to Cas, he just hadn't realized it was in a romantic way before.

"Well, it's not like I hate it, you know. It's nice, relaxing, comforting."

Charlie smirked again. "Mhm. So you like it too. Interesting."

"Why's it interesting?"

"No reason. Oh, look Dorothy is calling me over. Gotta go, see ya later." She hurried to the table where Dorothy was seated and left him alone to wonder what she had meant. It wasn't like she could suspect something, right?

The first day of spring didn't have any signs of spring. The heavy rain and dark clouds were a great indicator of Dean's mindset though. And it was a Monday too.

Thankfully, only four more days of school were left until the beginning of spring break. Dean would get his well deserved rest then.

It had been a week of not being grounded already, but his freedom didn't mean much to him anyway because he was loaded with homework and tests. The only free time he _did_ have, he wanted to spend with Cas, but Cas was busy helping his mother redecorate their whole house (she took spring cleaning seriously).

At first he had tried to comfort himself with thinking that time away from Cas would help him come to terms with his feelings and maybe get over it. As the time passed though, and he only saw Cas in school, he realized how much he missed spending time with him and how often he actually thought of him. Spoiler alert: a fucking lot.

Dean sighed as he walked through an empty hallway. School was surprisingly quiet today, so the muffled sound coming from one of the classrooms startled him. He peeked inside and he saw Lisa crying.

"Are you okay?" Dean asked and Lisa jumped up when she noticed him.

"Oh my God," She started wiping her tears away. "It's nothing."

Dean walked towards her and put a hand on her shoulder. "It's not nothing. Look, I know I'm the last person you want to see, but I'm here for you if you need to talk."

Lisa stared at him for a minute and sighed. "I had a fight with my dad. I told him I want to be a dancer and he flipped. Told me I had no chance."

"Well, he obviously doesn't know you. You're great. I mean I was only at one of your competitions, but you blew my mind."

Lisa laughed, "Thanks, but that doesn't mean anything to him. He never understood how much dancing means to me."

"What does your mom say?"

"She's on my side and she tried to convince him, but he's too stubborn."

"Talk to him again. Take him to one of your competitions. Make him see how much you love it and how good you are."

"I don't think it will work."

"Fuck him, then," Dean said and Lisa's eyes went wide. "I mean, he can't tell you what to do. You don't want to be miserable all your life, right? So do what you want and he'll have to accept it eventually. You shouldn't let anything or anyone stop you from achieving your dreams."

When he finished, Lisa was smiling at him. "That was a great speech, I'm surprised it wasn't practiced. I'll definitely think about it."

"Good, that's good," Dean said and when the silence stretched over them, he asked, "So, how are you doing?"

Lisa must have understood what he was getting at because she smiled before answering. "I met someone in my dance class. He's nice and he asked me out."

Dean let out a relieved breath and grinned. "I'm glad. You deserve to be happy."

"Damn right I do." They laughed before she continued, "What about you? Are you and Cas, um, together?"

Dean's smile fell and he looked away. "No. I'm not sure anything will ever come out of it. I mean, we've barely seen each other lately."

"Why do you doubt it? You two are, like, meant to be or something."

"Isn't it weird talking about this with me?"

"Don't avoid the subject!"

"Ugh, well the thing is we've been best friends for years. Something like this could ruin it forever. And besides, just because I like him doesn't mean _he_ likes _me_."

She rolled her eyes. "Okay, I'm going to tell you something. Back when we first started going out I was convinced he was in love with you and I was scared you were using me to hide your relationship with him, or make him jealous, or that he'd try to take you away from me, but when nothing happened I forgot about it.

"Until you suddenly started paying much more attention to him and less to me and I got jealous. I was sure you're going to leave me because you realized you're in love with him. And I was right, but that's not the point."

"What _is_ the point?"

Lisa glared at him. "The point is, I'm ninety-nine percent sure he likes you too."

"And why not one hundred percent?"

"You can never be one hundred percent sure about someone else's feelings."

"Look, I can't just go to him and say, 'Hey, I like you. Let's date.'"

"Why not? You can't wait forever. Like you said, you can't let anyone stop you from achieving your dreams, huh? Not even yourself. I understand you're scared, but you deserve to be happy too, and I believe you two would work."

Dean shook his head, but smiled. "Using my own words against me... you're playing dirty."

"I'm trying to help," Lisa said and smiled.

"I know. Thank you, really. I can't promise anything, but what happens, happens."

They parted ways and Dean was left with the hope that they would be great friends one day.

He pondered Lisa's words for a couple of days. She had a point, but thinking of doing something and actually doing it was far from the same thing. There was no way, he could just dump all his feelings on Cas. Especially when he hadn't spent any quality time alone with him since he realized he had liked him. Was there even any chance that Cas liked him back?

Cas sighed. "I wish I could stop liking him."

It was a Saturday, the day before Easter. Cas and Charlie were sitting on Cas' bed and talking.

"Give it a time, you will. I got over Lisa. You'll get over Dean, too."

"That is not the same. He is my best friend. He's always around. And I can't get away with avoiding him for long because he always notices."

"Wait, are you avoiding him right now? Is that why you didn't want to invite him?"

"Well," Cas looked away from her eyes and looked at his fingers while playing with the hem of his shirt, "I've been trying to spend less time in his company lately."

"Mhm. And since when have you been doing that?"

"Since he broke up with Lisa."

"Oh my god, Cas. I'm surprised he didn't march in your house already, looking for answers."

"I had a good excuse and I'm sure he hasn't noticed yet. I just needed some time for myself. The cuddling we did… confused me and I needed to forget about it, so I could move on."

Charlie bit her lip. "Have you ever thought, you know, that maybe he likes you back?"

"He doesn't."

"But-"

"Forget it, Charlie," Cas snapped and regretted it right away. "I'm sorry, but can we talk about something else now."

"Okay. Well, I was trying to persuade Dorothy into going LARPing with me and she said she'll come once. But I know she'll love it and want to come again."

"I'm glad you two are getting along."

"Oh, yeah. She's amazing and gorgeous and smart and funny and-" Charlie let out a dreamy sigh. "I think I'm falling for her."

Cas smiled. "I'm happy for you."

Dean was busy helping his mother prepare food. The Novaks were coming to lunch the day after and his mother wanted everything ready.

"Honey, could you please stop by the store? I need more milk." Mary asked and Dean obliged.

The store wasn't too far and he was back soon. He was about to open the door when he glanced in the direction of Cas' house and caught the sight of Charlie coming out.

His hand tightened into a fist, clenching a plastic bag with milk in the other one as he made his way toward her.

"Stop, Charlie," he said as he grabbed her shoulder and turned her around. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Charlie stared at him with wide eyes. "Wha-? I was hanging out with Cas. What's your problem, dude?"

"You were hanging out with Cas?"

"Yeah, he asked me to come around for a bit," Charlie said, sounding insecure.

"He _asked_ you?" Dean was shaking and had an urge to punch something.

"Why are you repeating everything?"

Dean didn't answer her; he was too engrossed in his thoughts. It was obvious that Cas was avoiding him, but Dean didn't understand why.

"Come with me. I need to talk with you." He didn't wait for her to agree, but grabbed her wrist and pulled her towards his house.

"Jesus, Dean. What's gotten into you?"

Dean led her inside and went straight to the kitchen.

"Hey, Mom, here's the milk. I have to talk to Charlie, but I'll come back to help you when I'm done."

"Don't worry about it, honey. I'm almost done." Mary smiled. "Hello, Charlie. I haven't seen you for a while."

"Hello, Mrs. Winchester. I guess I've been busy lately."

"Yeah, busy sneaking around with my best friend," Dean mumbled. Thankfully, no one had heard him.

He and Charlie climbed up to his room and Charlie sat on the bed while Dean paced the room.

"Why is he avoiding me?"

"What are you talking about?"

Dean stopped walking and glared at her. "Cas has been avoiding me. He said we can't hang out 'cause he's busy helping his mother, but he found time to hang out with you."

"I… I don't know why he said that."

"Did he say anything about me?" Dean asked and continued his pacing. "Shit. He probably knows and he feels awkward. Of course he fucking knows. My mom knew and he knows me even better than she does. Shit."

Charlie got up and put her hands on Dean's shoulders to stop him. "Calm down. Cas knows what?"

Dean blinked at her. "That I'm in love with him."

"What?!"

"What?" Dean realized he spoke out loud and groaned, shutting his eyes closed. "Shit. Now you know too."

When he opened his eyes, Charlie was staring at him with her mouth hanging open and wide eyes. "Are you for real? Is this for real? Holy shit. Oh my god, holy shit-"

"Charlie."

"Sorry. It's just- I did not see this coming. I mean I always thought you weren't completely straight and all, but this, wow."

"Look, I just need to know if he said anything to you."

"No, we didn't talk about you at all." Charlie looked away as she said it and pursed her lips.

"Are you sure?" Dean wasn't convinced she was telling the truth.

"Yes. Look, I'm pretty sure Cas doesn't know. Do you really think he would be _that_ mean and avoid you because of your feelings?"

"I don't know. I guess not, but-"

"No buts. You need to talk to him and set things straight." Charlie snorted. "Well, in your case not straight, but you know what I mean."

Dean smiled weakly before turning serious again. "I can't tell him. I'm not ready for him to know." Dean sighed and rubbed his eyes. "Everything could go wrong."

"You don't have to tell him about your feelings, but you could ask him why he was avoiding you. You don't want the distance between you to grow."

"I guess you're right," Dean said after a few moments of thinking. "I'll talk to him tomorrow. He and his family are coming to lunch."

"Aw, so cute. Celebrating holidays together."

"Shut up, Charlie," Dean said, but smiled. "You won't tell anyone, right?"

"Of course not. Your secret's safe with me."

"Thanks."

"Castiel, hurry up. We are going to be late." Naomi's voice carried through the house and into Cas' room.

Cas stood in front of the door and took several deep breaths. He was about to spend more time with Dean than he had in almost a month. Dean being grounded had been a big reason for that, but when that had been over Cas had managed to find another excuse. He hadn't been lying when he said he was helping his mother with spring cleaning, but he had exaggerated a bit.

He had been sure Dean wouldn't suspect anything and that everything would go back to normal after a while, but yesterday he had seen Dean talking to Charlie after she had left his house. Dean wasn't stupid- he must have figured out Cas was avoiding him and he was probably mad. Cas wasn't sure if he was ready to face him. The guilt was eating him up.

There was nothing else to do, though. Cas had needed some space to get over Dean and he couldn't just tell him he was in love with him. Dean was okay with them cuddling and sharing a bed now, but if he found out Cas had feelings for him, he would think back to those moments and feel awkward. Eventually they would drift apart and Cas would lose his best friend.

He would do anything to stop that from happening.

Usually Cas loved going to the Winchesters', even though Easter didn't hold a special place in his heart, not like Christmas. But today, he was dreading the moment he would step into their house.

While they waited in front of the Winchesters' door, Cas hoped Dean wouldn't be the one to let them in.

Of course, luck wasn't on his side. Dean greeted them with a huge grin, but Cas caught a glare directed solely at him.

"Let me take your coats," Dean offered. While grabbing Cas' coat, he leaned in and hissed, "We need to talk."

Cas nodded once before following his mother and sister to the dining room where they greeted Mary and Sam.

The lunch went alright, though Dean avoided talking to him but still stared at Cas most of the time. An uneasiness stirred in Cas' stomach and he couldn't even force himself to eat.

"Cas, is the food not alright for you? You barely touched yours," Mary asked and Cas felt guilty for being impolite.

"No, Mrs. Winchester. It's great, but I don't feel very well."

Everyone looked at him in concern, but the only eyes he cared about were Dean's. His friend was gazing at him softer than he had all day and it sent flutters shooting through his stomach.

"If you want to lie down, you can use Dean's bed," Mary offered.

"No!" Cas shouted and his eyes widened when he realized how loud he was. "I mean, it's not necessary."

Dean's expression turned angry as he looked down at his plate and Cas felt another pang of guilt. He didn't mean to sound rude, but lying in Dean's bed, surrounded by Dean's smell, would only ruin all his attempts of getting over Dean.

When lunch finished, Mary and Naomi went to the living room and Sam and Hael found their own entertainment. Cas didn't get a chance to decide what to do because Dean grabbed his arm and dragged him to his room.

"I am so fucking mad at you," Dean growled.

Cas looked at the floor. "I know and I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what? For avoiding me? For lying to me? For making me feel like a fool?"

"Uh, all of that."

Dean stepped closer to him and Cas couldn't stop himself from looking up.

"You promised you'd never avoid me again," Dean said. The previous anger in his tone was replaced by sadness. "I hope you have a very good reason."

"I'm truly sorry. To be honest, I needed some time away from you because, I... I was getting used to cuddling with you and I realized I was becoming too dependent on it, so I..." He trailed off. His words weren't a _complete_ lie, but he was too uncomfortable saying more in a fear of exposing his feelings.

"Why didn't you just tell me you wanted to stop?"

Cas let out a frustrated breath. "Because. Because if I saw you, I would have thrown myself into your arms." He shut his mouth as soon as he realized what he said, but it was too late.

The silence stretched over them while Cas waited for Dean to tell him to leave, but instead Dean chuckled. "I am pretty hard to resist, ain't I?"

"Dean," Cas said and rolled his eyes. "I'm serious. It's become a habit- cuddling with you- and I needed to get away from you."

"You could've told me," Dean said and looked away. "But I guess I get it. I got used to it too."

"Dean, I'm really sorry."

"I know, Cas. But I swear to God, if you do it again, I'm going to fucking kill you."

"I believe you." Cas laughed and a moment later Dean joined him.

"I missed you, Cas," Dean whispered after their laughter died off. "These past few weeks sucked. First Lisa left me, then you... I was a mess."

"Dean, I didn't mean to make you sad. But if it means anything to you, I missed you too."

Dean looked at him with teary eyes and walked closer before throwing his arms around him.

"I got over Lisa, but if you ever left me I'd never get over that. It would kill me."

Cas felt his eyes water as he squeezed Dean back. "I'm never going to leave you. It would kill me too."

They stayed like that for several minutes before Dean pulled away.

"Are we good now? Are we going back to being normal friends who don't avoid each other?"

"Yes, Dean." Cas rolled his eyes. "You'll never let me forget that."

"Nope." Dean smirked before he rubbed his neck. "So, about cuddling. We're not doing it anymore, huh?"

"It'd be for the best," Cas answered. He didn't want to stop, not really, but he knew nothing good could come out of it.

Dean nodded as he looked down and Cas thought a flash of disappointment flicker across his face. But it was gone in a second and replaced by a huge grin.

"Come on, let's watch something," Dean said and made his way towards the shelf with DVDs.

Two days after he and Cas had made up and after Cas had told him he didn't want to cuddle anymore, Dean found himself on his way to Cas' house to ask for cuddling.

He wanted to respect Cas' decision, but today was a terrible day for him and he needed Cas. Hopefully Cas would understand and make an exception.

Ten years ago, John Winchester had died in a car accident. That had been the worst day of Dean's life and he was grateful Cas had been in his life.

He had come home from school and had been playing with Sam, who was only four, when their Mom had come into the room and told them their Dad had joined the angels. Sam had been too young to understand, but Dean had been old enough to realize he would never see his father again.

Two days after the funeral had been held, Dean had returned to school.

Everybody had looked at him with pity and they had picked their words carefully. Except Cas, who had hugged him tightly when he first saw him, but after treated him as he would any other day and not like he was fragile and about to break apart.

Even though they weren't best friends yet at the time, Cas had told him what he had missed in school and asked him if he wanted to study together, so he wouldn't fall behind with schoolwork. Dean had accepted and soon learned that Cas had lost his own father. Ever since then, he and Cas had been close and always there for each other.

Cas had been the only one who Dean could talk to about his dad and the only one who understood what growing up without a father was like. Dean wasn't sure he would have recovered from that trauma if it weren't for Cas.

He thought he would be okay today, but after they had visited John's grave and returned home, the atmosphere in the house had turned dark and sad. Mary looked lost in thoughts most of the time and Sam refused to talk to them and closed himself offin his room. Dean couldn't stand it.

"Hey, Dean," Hael greeted him as she let him into the house. "Cas is upstairs."

"Thanks," he said and hurried to Cas' room.

After a few gentle knocks on the door, he peeked inside the room. Cas was lying on his bed, napping and Dean closed the door behind himself. He didn't want to wake up his friend, but he didn't know what else would help him feel better.

"Cas, wake up, please." Dean shook Cas' shoulder.

"Dean?" Cas opened his eyes slowly and blinked a few times before getting up. "What's going on?"

"I'm sorry for bothering you, but I couldn't stay in my house anymore."

"Dean, you're not bothering me." Cas took his hand and squeezed it. "It's the anniversary today, isn't it?"

"Yeah. I thought I could handle it, but Mom is so sad and Sam doesn't want to talk about it and I..."

"Dean, it's alright. You know I'm always here for you," Cas said and dragged him into a hug. "I wasn't sure if you wanted me around today. I wanted to let you decide if you wished to come or not."

"Thanks, Cas," Dean murmured against Cas' neck. "I know you said you want to stop, but I really need you to hold me right now."

"Of course." Cas pulled Dean down in his tight grip.

They lay there for a while and at some point Dean fell asleep. When he awoke, he was alone in the room.

Before he could get up, Cas entered the room. "Hello, Dean," Cas said. "I called your Mom and told her you are sleeping over. And I brought you a sandwich."

"Thanks, Cas," Dean said. "I don't know what I'd do without you. You're like my angel."

Dean realized the cheesiness of his words when he noticed a blush spreading across Cas' face, but he blamed it on his sleepy state (he hoped Cas would do the same).

"You know I don't mind helping you. It's a very hard day for you."

"Yeah, it is. I feel bad for leaving though. Maybe I should go home and see if my Mom's okay."

Cas shook his head. "You don't have to. My mother went to see her and I think Ellen is there too, so she's going to be alright. And before you ask, Sam is at Kevin's house and he'll be okay too."

Dean couldn't help, but smile. "You thought of everything, huh?"

"I want to help you as much as I can."

They sat beside each other on the bed and Dean found himself staring at Cas. He was truly beautiful and Dean's chest filled with the love he felt for Cas. Being in Cas' embrace again reminded him how much he enjoyed it and how much he missed it. If only he could spend forever in Cas' arms. If only he could kiss him...

"Why are you looking at me?" Cas asked as he faced Dean.

"I was just thinking about how much I missed this. Cuddling with you, I mean."

"Oh." Cas looked away. "I missed it too."

"Yeah?" Dean leaned closer to Cas and tried to catch his eyes again. "Why do we have to stop then, huh?"

"Dean, I told you. The longer we do it now, the harder it will be to stop when the time comes."

"When is that going to be? Why would we ever have to stop?"

"Dean, we're not going to cuddle when we are forty. You're going to be married by then and I..." Cas trailed off.

"You what? You don't plan on getting married?" Dean asked, but didn't mention that he didn't want to get married either. Unless the person he was marrying was Cas.

"I don't see myself in any kind of relationship," Cas answered and Dean tried not to show his disappointment.

Great. Another proof that Cas would never feel the same.

"Cas, I'm begging you." He returned to the previous subject. "It makes us both happy, so we should do it."

Dean knew he shouldn't be pushing for this so much. It would be easier for him to get over Cas if they didn't cuddle. But he wasn't ready to let go, not yet at least. This was something Cas wanted too, so why wouldn't they do it? Not to mention that he would get to be close to Cas.

Cas stayed silent for a while, his mind seemingly far away, until he asked, "You're not giving up on that, are you?"

"Nope."

"Don't you worry about people teasing you? I mean, look at what happened with Sam and Charlie… I don't want it to have a negative impact on our friendship. What if you start feeling awkward around me?"

"Why are you so worried _I'll_ feel awkward? You act like you're forcing me to do it. Ain't _I_ the one who's begging _you?_ "

Cas looked thoughtful. "I guess I'm scared you're going to change your mind and I'll be left hurt."

Dean couldn't stand to see him so sad, so he scooted closer and pulled him on his chest. "I'd never do that to you. I'm sorry if I made you feel like our friendship means so little to me that I'd play with you like that."

"No, Dean, of course not. That's not what I meant."

"I know, sorry. Look, as long as we talk about everything, we should be fine."

 _Well, not everything,_ Dean thought.

"You're right," Cas said. "We've been friends for so long, something like this shouldn't ruin it."

"So you're in?"

"Yes, I'm in."

Dean grinned. "That's great."

Cas sat up and looked at him with a smile, which mirrored Dean's own. Dean's heart sped up at the sight. It took all of his strength to stop himself from leaning in and pressing their lips together.

No matter how much Dean convinced himself that being friends was enough for him, he would always crave more.

When he observed the way Cas looked at him, or when he pondered on his behavior, he couldn't stop himself from hoping that maybe, just maybe, Cas wanted him back. But Dean shook those thoughts away before he could do something stupid. Like tell Cas. Or kiss the hell out of him. No, the risk was too big.

After he finished eating the sandwich Cas had brought him, Dean took a shower. He realized he didn't have any spare clothes, so Cas lent him one of his own t-shirts and clean boxers. Even though he was aware that wearing someone else's underwear was unusual, he didn't say anything. If he was honest with himself, there was a slight excitement in sharing clothes with Cas.

Cas was waiting for him in the room when he finished showering. "Do you want to go to sleep immediately?"

"Yeah, I got up pretty early," Dean said.

"Okay. I'll go too."

"Are you sure? You can do something else, I won't mind."

"I want to."

Dean smiled, he understood what Cas meant. The jittery feeling in his stomach returned as he and Cas lay in bed.

There seemed to be some unspoken agreement between them that Cas would be the big spoon. Maybe a few months ago Dean would have tried to protest, but at this moment it was exactly what he wanted.

"Good night, Dean."

"Night, Cas." Dean smiled as he let Cas' warm presence lull him to sleep.

Someone's hair tickled his nose. Cas opened his eyes and realized it was Dean, whose back was pressed against his chest while Cas cradled him in his arms.

Last night proved, not for the first time, that he was weak. He'd had every intention of telling Dean no, he wouldn't cuddle anymore. But, Dean's persistence mixed with his own desire had made him say yes.

So, once again he had found himself in Dean's grasp (both literal and metaphorical).

His attempts to get over Dean had failed and Cas realized that no matter how afraid he was of eventually getting hurt, his present longing for Dean was stronger. So why wouldn't they continue their previous arrangement if it was something they both wanted? He would just have to deal with the consequences later.

Now, he could let himself enjoy Dean's warmth, his fresh scent, the way he looked in Cas' clothes. He nuzzled his nose against Dean's neck and startled when Dean let out a sleepy moan.

"Morning, Cas," Dean rasped and interlaced their hands.

"Good morning, Dean. Have you slept well?"

"Yeah," Dean said and rubbed Cas' hand. "God, Cas, your hand is freezing cold."

Cas was about to apologize and move his hand away when Dean put it under his t-shirt, on his belly. "I'll warm it up for you."

Mouth wide open, Cas could only stare at Dean's back, having lost all capacity to talk. His whole body flushed, but he left his hand where Dean had put it.

They stayed like that until Dean's stomach grumbled and they decided to go downstairs for a breakfast.

Only a week after school had started again Dean was already exhausted. After finishing a huge load of homework, he hurried to Cas' house. They had agreed to hang out, but Dean hoped they wouldn't do anything strenuous. He didn't have the strength for it.

The past two weeks had been the best and the worst time of Dean's life. He and Cas met everyday at one of their houses and spent at least half an hour cuddling. Dean loved it, but his need to be even closer grew with every passing day.

Cas opened the door before Dean knocked. Raising an eyebrow, Dean sent him a questioning glance.

"I saw you coming through the window," Cas explained.

"Were you waiting for me?" Dean smirked.

"If you're insinuating that I've been standing by the window the whole time, waiting for you to show up, then you're wrong. I just happened to pass by it." Cas said, but the blush on his face told Dean he wasn't telling the truth.

"Sure, if you say so."

Cas shook his head, but smiled as he let Dean in the house.

"We're the only ones in the house, so I thought we could watch TV in the living room."

"Sounds great."

"I hope you won't mind if I fall asleep though. I'm really tired."

"Me too. School is killing me. I thought seniors are supposed to have it easy."

They sat down and Cas set his head on Dean's shoulder, sprawling his legs on the couch, a gesture so natural by then that Dean didn't even blink.

"You can pick something," Cas said as he handed the remote control to Dean.

"You must be really tired if you're letting me choose."

Dean found a rerun of some old sitcom and they watched it for few minutes until Cas started to stretch his neck. The moment pulled Dean from his thoughts and he turned to look at Cas, who seemed to be in a pain.

"Dude, are you okay?"

Cas sat up, lowering his feet on the floor and kneading his neck. "My neck hurts. I think I slept in a wrong position."

"You want me to give you a massage?"

"If you want to."

"Yeah," Dean said, trying not to sound too eager. "Turn around."

Cas did as told and pulled his knees up to his chest. He tilted his head forward, allowing Dean free access.

Dean started with light touches, letting Cas get used to the sensation. At the first harder press of his fingers, Cas let out a loud groan, which made Dean stop.

"Don't stop, please," Cas said and Dean was left with no other choice than to listen.

He worked the tense muscles of Cas' neck and shoulders before drifting towards the lower back. It would be easier if Cas had taken off his shirt, but Dean was far from ready for that kind of temptation.

Even now, Cas' huffs of breaths and muffled groans sent sparks of pleasure through Dean's body, most of them ending up in his lower region. He tried to ignore Cas, thinking of anything else to distract himself, and prayed to God that Cas wouldn't notice the bulge in his pants.

Not having any place lower left to massage (except his ass, Dean's dirty mind supplied), Dean went back to the neck and shoulders, rubbing with more force than before. Cas didn't protest, so Dean took it as permission to continue. He could feel the muscles relaxing underneath his fingers, so he grew more confident with his motions.

His palms kneaded Cas' biceps for few moments and Dean couldn't believe he had never noticed how firm those muscles were. Before he could do something stupid, like move his hands on Cas' chest and start fondling it, he returned to the upper back.

"You like it?" Dean asked after several minutes. He hated how hoarse his voice sounded.

Cas hummed in response. "You have magic hands."

His voice was deeper and rougher than usual and Dean couldn't help but wonder if Cas was having a similar reaction to his own. He probably wasn't, but Dean still swallowed hard at the thought. "Glad I can help you, buddy."

He made sure to add 'buddy' at the end, not only to convince Cas, but himself too, that this was a _friendly_ gesture. It was mostly to tell his dick it had no right to get hard around his _friend_.

After a particularly loud moan, Dean almost let out one of his own, but the sound of door opening stopped him from embarrassing himself.

Seconds later Hael peeked inside the room, but retreated before either of them could say anything.

"Castiel, sorry for interrupting your foreplay, but please, for god's sake, take it to your room," Hael yelled from the hallway and Dean pulled away from Cas. He was even more thankful now that Cas hadn't taken off his clothes.

From the corner of his eye, he could see the blush spreading across Cas' face, positive that he was in the same state.

"I'm going to talk to her," Cas said as he stood up.

Dean nodded and watch him go. He was grateful he'd get a few minutes for cooling down.

Cas rushed after his sister. He climbed the stairs and took a few deep breaths before entering her room.

Talking to his sister wasn't an important task, but it was a good excuse for getting away from Dean. The massage had stirred some responses in his body that he wouldn't like Dean to know about.

He knocked on the door and entered the room. His sister sat on her bed and she raised an eyebrow when she looked up.

"Did I ruin the mood?"

"What? No. We weren't- I mean, Dean and I, we're not together. I don't want you to have a wrong idea about us."

Hael looked amused. "I don't know what's going on between you two, but your moaning sounded like you were heading towards some sexy times."

"We- he was giving me a massage."

"That really doesn't help your case."

Cas let out a frustrated breath. "Hael, please."

"Sorry, sorry. I believe you. I was just teasing you, baby bro." Hael's gaze turned intense. "You two only cuddle right? Sam sent me a pic on snapchat."

Cas groaned. "When did that happen? I don't remember it."

"A few days ago, you were sleeping and Dean was pointing his finger at Sam. Pretty funny."

"Great. Now, you're going to tease us too."

Hael bit her lip, like she was trying not to laugh. "You were pretty cute though."

"Just wait, I'll find something I can tease you back with," Cas said as he walked to the door.

"Good luck with that," Hael smirked. "Oh, by the way, I'm going out and I won't be back until late. You and Dean will have the house all to yourselves."

Cas rolled his eyes at her overdramatic wink and left the room.

Dean sat in the same place Cas had left him in, staring at the blank TV screen.

"Why did you turn the TV off?"

Dean jumped up and turned around to face Cas. "I- There was nothing on."

Cas nodded and sat down. "Did you know Sam sent a picture of us to Hael? They are making fun of us behind our backs and this is not the first time."

"Are you saying you want to stop cuddling?"

"What? No. I'm saying we should stop being the 'victim siblings'. We need to find something to _tease them_ about for a change."

"I like the way you think, but picking on your sister can only lead to bad places."

Cas huffed before smirking. "I can't believe you're still scared of my sister."

Dean gasped. "I'm not. I'm just smart."

After a few minutes of not talking Cas asked, "Why did you think I wanted to stop cuddling? Do _you_ want to?"

"No!" Dean shouted. "I don't want to stop. But, I mean, you ran off so fast after Hael and you found out about the picture. And- and you had your frowny face on, so I thought…"

"Well, I didn't want her to think we were having sex. And yes, it'd have been nice if you had told me about the picture, but I'm not mad. It's not like it was the first time Sam saw us."

"Good. Great. That's, um, good," Dean spluttered.

Cas put his hand on Dean's. "I don't want to stop cuddling. I love doing it."

Dean squeezed his hand and grinned. "I'm glad. I love it too."

They stared into each other's eyes some time. An urge to kiss Dean grew in Cas and his gaze darted to Dean's lips before he turned his head towards the TV, hoping Dean hadn't noticed. When he glanced back, Dean was still looking at him and his eyes seemed to be glued to Cas' own lips.

"Do you want to watch a movie?" Cas asked and grabbed the remote control from the coffee table, trying to distract himself from looking at Dean.

"Sure, whatever you want."

His heart beat even faster at those words. Did Dean know Cas wanted to kiss him? Was he giving him a permission? No, that would be impossible. Cas shook those thoughts away and turned the TV on.

Ten minutes into a movie, Hael shouted her goodbye and slammed the door behind herself. Cas glanced at Dean, whose eyes were already on him.

Before Cas could ask him about it, Dean spoke, "Your mom's not going to be back anytime soon, right?" At Cas' nod, he continued, "So can we, um-?"

Dean scooted closer and burrowed his head in Cas' chest. "Is this okay?"

Wrapping his arms around Dean, Cas relaxed. "Of course."

Neither of them saw the end of the movie, both of them falling asleep. They were woken by Dean's phone when Mary called him to come home. After saying goodbye to Dean, Cas dragged himself to his bed where he went back to sleep with a small smile on his face.

"Dean, we're supposed to study. We can't always watch movies."

Dean put an arm around Cas' shoulders and nuzzled his neck. "C'mon, Cas. We've been studying for two hours. I know everything I have to and some more. It's Friday… please."

"Ugh, fine. But I want popcorn."

Dean grinned. He'd known he would win Cas over. After all, the studying was only an excuse for spending time together and cuddling, but who said watching movies couldn't serve the same purpose.

He brought a bowl of popcorn from the kitchen and flopped down on the couch.

"Are we not going to your room?" Cas asked him.

"Nah, we can stay here. I already brought the movie." Dean lifted one of the books and showed Cas the DVD case. "Now, please put it in so we can watch it."

Cas rolled his eyes, but obeyed. Dean may or may not have used that moment to appreciate the sight of Cas bending over .

"This is a last time I serve your lazy ass," Cas said as he sat beside Dean. Putting Dean's arm around him, he nestled against Dean's chest.

Dean smiled down at him. "Sure."

"Are you sure this is a good idea? Sam will definitely see us."

"Dude, Sam's seen us like a hundred times already. He'll get bored of teasing us soon."

He exaggerated a bit- Sam had only seen them four or five times- but Dean was sure his brother would get used to them eventually.

"What about your mother?"

Dean squirmed in his seat. "She won't mind. Don't worry."

His mom would probably jump to the conclusion that he and Cas were dating, but Dean was sure she already suspected it, so there wasn't anything to obsess about. Besides, it wouldn't be the first time. In the last month or so, he had lost count of the times someone referred to them as a couple.

Dean forced himself to relax and his grip on Cas tightened as he pulled the other boy closer. As always, Cas was a warm presence which made him forget about the world as their bodies stayed pressed against each other.

An hour later they moved to the other side of the couch. Cas squeezed into one corner while Dean lay sprawled on top of him. As much Dean enjoyed holding Cas, being enveloped by Cas' arms was one of the best feelings he had ever experienced. It wasn't surprising that more often than not they ended up in a similar position.

About five minutes before the end of the movie, when Dean thought they'd manage to get through it without being seen, Mary walked into the living room. Dean didn't hear the door, so he startled when he saw her.

"Hello, boys. Sorry to interrupt," she said with a smile.

Cas tensed underneath Dean at her appearance, probably ready to pull away, but Dean stayed where he was, not giving him a chance to move. Before they could give any kind of response, Mary shuffled out of the room, leaving them alone once again.

If he was honest, Dean hadn't been paying a lot of attention to the movie, too busy enjoying Cas' firm body. His mother's disruption made him stop pretending completely as he closed his eyes and buried his face in the crook of Cas' neck.

"You'll miss the end."

"Don't care," he said and inhaled the sweet scent radiating from Cas. "Fuck, you always smell so good."

Dean hadn't meant to blurt out those words, but when he felt Cas' pulse quickening at the compliment, he smirked.

"Thank you, Dean. You smell nice too."

"Hey, you know how cats rub against things and people to leave their scent?" Dean asked and at Cas' hum, he continued, "Do you think we'll start smelling like each other too? Considering how much time we spend like this."

"We're not cats, Dean."

Dean could hear Cas' smirk and he huffed. "I know, but I guess I liked the thought."

"You did?" Cas asked, his voice a degree deeper and Dean swallowed hard.

"Yeah, who wouldn't wanna smell like you, dude? I think you don't ever stink, not even when you're drenched in sweat."

Dean realized he had gotten too close to confessing, so he tried to make a joke out of it.

"Oh," was the only response from Cas and Dean couldn't decide if he sounded disappointed or if it was Dean's own wishful thinking.

The movie finished at some point and Dean knew Cas would want to go home soon, but he wasn't ready to let go yet. He was so relaxed and comfortable. And happy. At that moment only kissing Cas would make him happier.

All good things had an expiration date, though, so a few minutes later Cas nudged him.

"I have to go home, Dean."

"Okay," Dean said and sat up.

"I'll see you tomorrow, though."

"Of course," Dean smiled. "C'mon, I'll walk you to the door."

While saying their goodbyes, Dean took advantage of it and gave Cas a quick hug, not that Cas seemed to mind.

He walked to the kitchen and found his mother sitting at the counter, reading newspaper.

"Hey, mom."

"Hey, sweetie. Are you hungry?"

Dean frowned. He was sure Mary would bring up him and Cas. "No, not really. Me and Cas ate some popcorn."

"Not the healthiest choice, but okay," she said and got up. As she passed by him, she pressed a gentle kiss on his forehead. "I'm going to bed. Don't stay up too late."

"Okay. Good night."

"Night."

She walked away and left Dean standing confused in the middle of the kitchen. Why was she pretending she didn't see him and Cas cuddling? She didn't seem mad, so Dean tried not to worry about it. Maybe she knew talking about it would make Dean uncomfortable and wanted to spare him. Yeah, that was probably it.

Not having anything to do, he decided to go upstairs. On the way to his room, he peeked inside Sam's to see his brother reading a book.

"Hey, little brother. Whatcha doing?"

Sam scowled and raised his book. "I'm reading if you couldn't guess already."

Dean raised his hands in front of his chest. "Whoa, calm down. I'll leave if you want."

"No, wait. Sorry." Sam's eyes softened and he smiled. "You can stay. I'm surprised you've found time for me since you've practically been glued to Cas for the past month."

Sam was smirking while he said it and Dean knew he was teasing, but he couldn't stop a bundle of guilt rising in his chest.

"I'm sorry, Sammy. Cas and I, we've just been busy. I didn't want to neglect you."

"Jesus, Dean. It's not like you've been ignoring me." Sam rolled his eyes. "I understand that cuddling with your best friend requires a lot of time."

"That's not all we do. Besides, I explained to you already, it's for reducing stress. "

"I saw you today, Dean. You were lying on top of him. While watching a movie. Which, in my opinion, isn't a very stressful situation. Why don't you admit you like it?"

Dean sighed. "Fine. I love it. I love being close to Cas."

Sam's mouth hung open. "I didn't think you'll actually say it. Wait, are you and Cas… together?"

"No, we're not. But since we're talking about this, I've got something else to tell you." Dean took a deep breath, "Recently I realized that I am bisexual."

Once again, Sam's mouth formed a little 'o' and Dean patted himself on the back for making his brother speechless twice in a day. After recovering from shock, Sam grinned.

"That's amazing, Dean. I'm so glad you told me. Who else knows?"

Dean scratched the back of his neck. "Well, Mom, Lisa and Charlie. Mom was the only one I actually told. And now you too."

Sam nodded and frowned. "Cas doesn't know?"

"I, um, can't tell him. He's kinda the reason I figured it out."

"I knew it." Sam threw his fist in the air.

"Yeah, yeah. Good for you." Dean shook his head. Of course Sam would boast about that.

"You have to tell Cas, though. Then you can be together for real."

"It's not that simple, Sammy."

"Yes, it is. He's been head over heels in love with you for years and now-"

Dean lifted his hand to stop him. "Look, Sam. You can't know that for sure. Even if it was true, years of friendship are at stake. I can't risk losing him."

"Dean," Sam whined. "Don't you see that you two are practically already dating? You just need to admit it."

Rolling his eyes, Dean walked to the door. "Whatever, Sammy. Just don't tell anybody about this. Please."

Sam nodded and smiled. "That doesn't mean I won't tease you, though."

"Yeah, I know." Dean chuckled. "But cut it down around Cas, okay?"

"Oh, don't worry, I'll save it for when you two get together. Prepare for a lifetime of 'I told you so's'."

Dean flipped him off and left the room. He would gladly put up with Sam's nagging if it meant dating Cas, but he couldn't let himself hope. Even though he had noticed some signs indicating that Cas felt the same, Dean could still be reading them wrong. He would never gamble their friendship, so he said nothing on the subject.

Sighing, Dean collapsed on his bed and turned on his laptop. If something would help him clear his thoughts then it was the good old internet. After spending more than an hour staring at the screen, Dean rubbed his burning eyes and decided to go to sleep. As he lay in the dark, he couldn't help but wish that Cas was there beside him. He hugged a pillow to his chest and fell asleep thinking about blue eyes, a gentle smile, and strong arms.

Cas entered his house and heard his mother calling him. He found her in the living room and sat beside her on the sofa.

"Were you at Dean's house?" Naomi asked.

"Yes. We were studying," Cas answered even though it wasn't a complete truth. They did study a bit, but they ended up watching a few episodes of Doctor Sexy. Cuddling the whole time, of course.

It had been more than a month since they started doing it regularly and Cas still couldn't quite believe it was real. He couldn't be happier, though. All his doubts about it had vanished. He let himself relax and he was sure Dean did the same, so it was different than before, easier to enjoy. They weren't even trying to hide it anymore and Cas was glad Dean felt so comfortable with him.

His feelings were still there, but he accepted the fact they weren't going to disappear anytime soon. Still, ever since the day they'd begun their new arrangement, Cas had been noticing the change in Dean's behavior. How he stared at Cas whenever he thought Cas wasn't looking and how he touched Cas more often and with the silliest excuses. Thinking about it gave him headache most of the time. He tried to convince himself it was only a consequence of frequent close contact, but one part of him hoped that maybe Dean...

No, that wasn't possible. It'd be better for him if he discarded those thoughts.

"Castiel? Are you listening to me?" Naomi waved a hand in front of his eyes and pulled Cas out of his mind.

"I'm sorry, mother. Could you repeat that?"

"I was saying that I had been talking to Mary and we couldn't help but notice that you and Dean are spending a lot of time together lately."

"Dean is my best friend."

Naomi sighed. "I know I'm not a perfect mother and I do spend a lot of time working, but I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like you couldn't talk to me. I need you to know that you can tell me everything. I wouldn't love you any less, no matter what."

Cas blinked through his shock. His mother was never this open with her feelings. He'd appreciate it any other time, but now he was too confused. "I don't understand. Do you think I'm hiding something?"

"Like I said, I've been talking to Mary and we know."

"Know what?" Cas asked, but he suspected it was connected to the cuddling. It had been few days since Dean's mother had walked in on them. She hadn't said anything at the time, but she had probably told Naomi about it.

"We know that you and Dean are dating. I'm sorry you felt like you couldn't tell me." Naomi smiled, "It was a long time coming anyway."

Cas flushed under his mother's gaze. "We're not dating."

Naomi pursed her lips. "You're not lying, are you? Because there's no reason to lie."

"I'm not."

"Mary told me she saw you... snuggling few days ago. And about a month ago I peeked inside your room when Dean was sleeping over. You two were sharing a bed, completely entwined. In my time, that kind of behavior was considered dating."

"We have an arrangement. We cuddle together. It helps us with stress and it's comforting, but we're not together. We don't kiss or go on dates or, um, other things." Cas was sure he was flaming red at that point.

Naomi's eyes were soft and her smile was gentle. "You love him, don't you?"

Cas looked away. "Yes, but he doesn't feel the same."

"How do you know?"

"He only likes girls."

"No, he doesn't."

"What are you talking about?" Cas' eyes found his mother's.

Naomi seemed guilty. "Mary mentioned that Dean came out to her. As bisexual."

Cas swallowed hard. He couldn't believe Dean would keep something like that from him. "He never told me."

"Mary believes he realized it because of you. That's probably why he never told you."

"No, it can't be." Cas shook his head. There was no way. Or was there?

"You should talk to him."

He nodded. "I will."

"Good. I'm so relieved you weren't afraid of coming out to me. It'd be foolish considering your sister is dating a girl."

"Wait, what?" The new information pulled him out of his worry about Dean. "Since when? And who?"

Naomi refused to meet his eyes. "I thought you knew. She's been going out with that friend of yours, Jo, I believe, for months now."

His mouth fell open. Not what he had expected.

Dean closed the door behind Cas and went to the kitchen. As he was putting dirty glasses in the dishwasher, Mary walked in.

"Good, you're here. We need to talk," she said when she noticed him.

"What about?"

"I was talking to Naomi and we decided it'd be for the best if we talked to you two. So, we know you and Cas are dating and we're okay with it."

"What?"

"I just don't understand why you didn't tell us. It's not like it would be a big surprise."

"Mom, we're not dating. I told you already." Dean couldn't believe their mothers were gossiping about them behind their backs.

"You are all over each other these days. I saw you cuddling with my own two eyes and Sam told me he saw you _several_ times. Not to mention that Naomi saw you two _sleeping_ together."

"Oh my god." Dean felt his face burn. "We were just sleeping...It wasn't like that. Geez, I can't believe she saw that."

"There has to be something going on. You can tell me."

"Mom, I swear to God, it's nothing. We only cuddle sometimes. For reducing stress and shi- something like that. We are not together though."

"You would tell me if you were, right?"

"Yeah, 'course," Dean said. "So, is Cas having this conversation with his mom right now?"

Mary nodded, "Probably. We wanted to make sure you weren't worried about telling us."

"You don't have to worry about it. I know I can tell you anything. But I'd really appreciate if you didn't talk with Cas' mom about us. That's weird."

"There's something else," Mary looked at the floor. "I hope you're not going to be too angry, but I told Naomi about you coming out to me. We were so sure you two were dating, so I didn't think about it much. I'm sorry, I know it's not something I can go around talking about."

Dean stopped breathing for a second. "Shit. She's going to tell Cas. Shit." Dean started pacing the room. If Cas found out Dean was attracted to guys too, there was a big chance he would realize that Dean liked _him_.

"Doesn't Cas know?"

Dean shook his head. "No. Fuck. If he finds out, then he'll know and I can't..." Dean struggled for air as his chest constricted painfully.

Mary got closer and put her hand on his shoulder. "He will know what?" she asked, but Dean could tell she already suspected.

"You know..."

"That you're in love with him?"

Dean nodded as his eyes watered. "Mom, I don't wanna lose him."

"Why do you think you'd lose him? You should tell him, I'm sure he feels the same."

"No. He said he doesn't want a relationship with anyone."

Mary pursed her lips. "Don't you think he was trying to protect himself?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, if you didn't tell him you liked boys then he must think you couldn't possibly like him, right? He probably doesn't want you to know, like _you_ don't want _him_ to know, so he told you he doesn't want to be in a relationship."

"That's all a big if," he said, but didn't completely toss off the possibility.

"You'll never know for sure if you don't talk to him. But I think, and Naomi does too, that you two would be perfect for each other."

Dean didn't know what to think. Was it possible that Cas loved him too? He felt himself shaking, from fear and even slight excitement.

When he didn't speak for a while, Mary continued. "I know it seems scary, but I think it'd be worth it. I can tell how happy he makes you, I'm sure you would only get happier if you two got together."

Dean opened his mouth to respond, but he was interrupted by a frantic knocking on the door. One part of him knew who it was, so he wasn't surprised at all when he opened it and saw Cas standing in front of him.

"We need to talk."

Dean nodded and led Cas to his room. On their way there, he saw his mother watching them with a smile and sending him a wink.

Both nervousness and excitement bubbled up in Cas' stomach while he climbed the stairs up to Dean's room. After the talk with his mother, he decided to speak to Dean and maybe even confess.

If Dean really was bisexual then there was a chance he returned his feelings. Cas knew there wasn't a hundred percent chance for that, but when he added Dean's recent behavior to the mix, the possibility increased enough for him to get the courage to say something. Once they entered Dean's room, though, Dean stayed as far from him as he could and refused to look at him. His doubt returned and his confidence wavered. Still, he came here for a reason and he refused to back out.

"I had a strange conversation with my mother just now," Cas started.

"You too, huh?"

"She told me something."

Dean swallowed hard and glanced at him. "Oh, yeah? What's that?"

"She told me that you are bisexual. Is that true?" Cas decided to be direct.

After few moment of heavy silence Dean whispered, "Yeah."

"Why didn't you tell me, Dean? We're supposed to be best friends," Cas asked as he took a step closer. "I told you about my sexuality."

Cas had had a hard time figuring out his sexuality because the only person he ever liked was Dean, but after doing some research, he concluded that demisexuality fit him best. Of course, that particular discovery didn't mean a lot to him because of his incessant feelings for Dean. Still, he had shared (a part of) it with Dean and his friend had supported him, making Cas love him even more.

When Dean continued to stare at the floor, Cas went on, "If you thought I'd hate you or something like that, I hope you realize you were wrong."

"It's not that, Cas. I didn't tell you because of the way I realized it."

Cas took a deep breath as his heart drummed fast in his chest. "And how did you realize it?"

"Cas, please. I-"

"Just say it, Dean. I'm begging you," Cas said as he got closer to Dean.

"It's because I'm fucking in love with you," Dean shouted and froze up.

Cas beamed when he heard those words. He was surprised he didn't faint considering how light-headed he felt. Dean avoided his eyes, but Cas didn't care. He threw his arms around Dean's neck, who let out a loud grunt.

"What are you doing?"

"I love you too." Cas pulled away and met Dean's eyes. "I'm fucking in love with you too, okay?"

Dean blinked a couple of times before a huge grin broke out on his face. "Are you for real? Is this a dream?"

Cas shook his head. "Dean, I can't tell you how happy I am. I've dreamed about this for years."

Dean frowned and pulled away. "Years? I only realized it two months ago and I almost went nuts. How could you have handled it for years? And you had to watch me date other people-"

"Dean. That's in the past. We're here now." Cas cupped Dean's cheeks. "I want to kiss you."

Dean nodded and smiled. His eyes dropped to Cas' lips as he licked his own. They leaned in and pressed their mouth together, lightly at first. Cas closed his eyes as the kiss deepened. He inched closer to Dean, whose arms wrapped around his waist while his hands ended up buried in Dean's hair. Soon, too soon, they pulled apart, both panting but wearing huge grins.

Dean tightened his grip on Cas as he kissed him, but he still couldn't convince himself he wasn't dreaming. It was real. Cas loved him and he loved Cas and they were kissing. After the kiss ended, Dean smiled hard as he stared at Cas.

"You're beautiful," he said, happy that he could finally voice his thoughts out loud.

Cas ducked his head down and blushed. "You are beautiful too."

Their eyes met again and they shared another smile. After a few moments of standing in each other's embrace and staring at each other Dean asked, "Do you realize what this means?"

"What?"

"Our moms got us together."

Cas laughed and pecked Dean's lips one more time. "I'm so happy."

"Me too. I only wish I hadn't been so stupid all these years. We could have gotten together much sooner."

"You weren't stupid, don't say that. You can't make yourself feel something you don't."

"No, you don't understand. I'm pretty sure I've been a little bit in love with you for a long time."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, I don't think I would have realized if it weren't for Charlie," Dean said and pulled Cas onto the bed. "You see, I went to ask her for advice about Lisa and she talked about how it feels to be in love and you were the only one I could think of in that moment."

Cas smiled before he burrowed his head in Dean's chest. "So you are saying that both Charlie and our mothers are responsible for getting us together."

"Yeah, I guess," Dean laughed. "I want to kiss you some more."

"Then what are you waiting for?"

Dean chuckled and claimed Cas' lips once again. He lost himself in the sensation and their make out session grew more heated.

"Oh my God, Dean."

Dean pulled away from Cas and turned his head toward the voice. Sam stood in his doorway, smirking.

"Hello, Sam," Cas said.

"Hey, Cas." Sam's smile grew as his eyes fell on Dean. "You know what this means, don't you?"

Dean groaned. "Yeah, yeah, I know. 'You told me so', blah, blah, blah. Don't you knock before barging in?"

"I did. Several times."

Cas chuckled and Dean poked his side. They laughed before Sam cleared his throat.

"Don't mind me, guys," he said. "Mom wants you downstairs for dinner, Dean."

"I'll be there in a minute."

Sam left the room, but before he closed the door, he added, "You two were gross before, but now you're a hundred times worse."

"Shut up, bitch," Dean yelled after him.

"Jerk," came the response and Dean laughed.

"I guess I'll go home," Cas said.

"You don't have to go yet, you can stay for dinner."

Cas shook his head. "Thank you for the offer, but I want to talk to Hael and my mother and tell them about us. I mean, if- if that's alright with you. You haven't said-"

"Cas," Dean said and grabbed Cas' hands in his own. "Of course I'm okay with it. You can tell anyone. I want everyone to know I have the most beautiful and amazing boyfriend."

"Boyfriend?"

"Well, yeah. I mean-"

"I love the sound of that."

Dean grinned, "Me too."

After sharing a few more kisses, they headed downstairs, hand in hand. They passed by the kitchen and waved to Mary who smiled when her eyes fell to their hands.

"I really have to go, Dean," Cas said as Dean refused to let him go. They had been standing on Dean's porch for at least five minutes.

"No…" Dean pouted and gave Cas another short kiss.

"Dean."

"Okay, okay."

He let go of Cas and they said their final goodbye. Dean went back to the house and found his family.

"That was a very long minute," Sam said as Dean sat at the table.

"Shut up, Sammy," Dean responded, but there was no bite in his words because he couldn't stop smiling.

"I guess everything went well?" Mary asked.

"Yeah. Me and Cas are dating."

"I'm happy for you, sweetie." Mary put her hand on top of Dean's for few seconds. "Of course, we'll have to set up some new rules now."

"Mom."

"I mean, I understand you're teenagers, but I don't want Sam walking in on you two, so just don't do anything while we're home. And, of course, use protection."

Sam snickered and Dean threw a napkin at him. No matter how much Sam's teasing annoyed him, Dean was still glad his family was so supportive. He watched Mary and Sam talk and smiled.

Cas entered the kitchen where his mother and sister sat. They looked up when they noticed him, both of them with questions in their eyes.

"Dean and I are dating."

His mother smiled, but Hael threw her fist in the air.

"Fuck yeah! I knew you had it in you, baby bro."

Naomi sent Hael a firm glare at the word choice, but her eyes softened when they fell on Cas. "I am glad you two worked it out."

"Me too."

"Does Sammy know? I wanna text him," Hael asked.

"Yes, he knows, he, um, walked in on us-"

"Oh my god, Cas. You banged him already!"

"Hael!" Naomi shrieked.

"Kissing. He walked in on us _kissing,_ " Cas exclaimed, and threw a glance at his mother. "We didn't do that. I'm not, I mean, I wouldn't-"

Naomi spoke up and stopped his spluttering. "It's alright, Castiel. You are growing up and it's normal if you want to have sex. I guess it's time for us to have a talk."

His face was on fire as he progressed his mother's words. "There is no need for the talk, mother. I know everything I have to."

Naomi squinted at him. "If you're sure. Please don't forget to use protection."

Cas stared at the floor. This was beyond embarrassing. He and Dean only got together and having sex wasn't something Cas was interested in, not yet at least. Sex didn't appeal to him usually, but with Dean he would like to do it. Some day. But, one thing was sure- he did not want to discuss it with his _mother_.

"I'm going upstairs now, if you'll excuse me."

After a quick shower, he went to his room and checked his phone to see one unread message. He couldn't stop a smile when he saw that it was from Dean.

_Sam is making fun of me and mom gave me a sex talk. All in all, things went well. What about you?_

Cas laughed. Mary and Naomi sure had a lot in common.

_Same actually. Except it was probably ten times more awkward._

He bit his lip before sending another message.

_You wouldn't be mad if I didn't want to have sex anytime soon?_

The response came soon and he hesitated for a second before he opened it.

_OF COURSE NOT!! I know sex makes you uncomfortable sometimes. Even if we never do it, I won't care. I promise._

Cas smiled and started typing the answer when his phone beeped again.

_I love you, Cas._

_Thank you, Dean. I love you too._

Thinking there wouldn't be any more messages, Cas put his phone down and took his laptop. Today's events made him so happy that he was in a perfect mood for writing, so he opened a new blank document and started pouring out words. He was so engrossed in the writing, which hadn't happened in a while, that he didn't even notice the time passing. When he checked the clock, he was surprised to see it was past midnight (and he had school tomorrow). Sighing, he turned off the laptop and went to brush his teeth. When set up the alarm on his phone, he noticed another message from Dean.

_Good night, baby. <3_

Considering it had been sent more than hour ago, Cas didn't respond, but the smile on his face didn't disappear until he was fast asleep.

The end of May meant one thing: prom. If someone had told Dean a year ago that he would be slow dancing with his best friend in their school gym on their senior prom, he wouldn't have believed them. But here he was. He and Cas were wearing matching tuxes while they swayed together in the middle of the dance floor, holding each other tightly. When the song finished, they returned to their table and were soon joined by Charlie and Dorothy.

"Hey, boys. Are you having fun?"

"Yes, Charlie. It's a dream come true," Cas answered, staring right at him and Dean took his hand.

"Right back at ya, angel," Dean said and winked.

"Geez, you guys are one those sappy couples, aren't you? Disgusting," Charlie said, grinning at them.

"You saying we ain't like that, baby-doll?" Dorothy smirked and smooched Charlie's cheek.

"Shh, they don't have to know." Charlie turned towards her girlfriend and kissed her.

While the two of them were busy, Dean turned his attention to his boyfriend.

He had thought it would take him longer to get used to that word, but the two of them had slipped easily into this new kind of relationship. They had the support of their families and friends, who had barely been surprised when they found out, and that was the most important thing for them.

Sam had smirked smugly every time he found himself in the same room with them for two weeks straight and even though Dean pretended to be annoyed, he was glad his little brother supported him.

Charlie had been the worst, though. When they had told her, she hugged them and cried because she was "Going crazy. You both told me how you felt, but I didn't want to meddle and I was sure you two would figure it out. I kinda started losing hope and now... You two are such idiots." After several more insults, she had started planning double dates.

"Hey, Cas, wanna go outside for a bit?"

Cas nodded and Dean led him out. They walked to the bleachers where they sat down, their sides pressed together.

"School's almost over," Dean said. "Do you think things will change between us?"

He tried to pretend he wasn't worried, but the thought of losing Cas always hovered in the back of his mind.

"We are going to change, so our relationship will change too," Cas answered after a few minutes of thinking. "Change doesn't have to be bad. People change all the time. If we learn how to adapt to each other's individual growth, our relationship can only become better."

Dean smiled as he watched Cas talking. "You always know what to say. You're going to be a great writer."

Cas shook his head. "You don't know that. I neglected my writing these past few months. That's not a characteristic of a writer."

"Cas, please. That's something you wanted since you learned how to write. You're going to succeed. Maybe one day we'll work on a movie together, or something."

"I'd like that."

They smiled at each other while their hands lay intertwined between them.

Before they'd gotten together, both of them had decided to go to Kansas University, Cas for creative writing and Dean for film studies. Now that they were dating, Dean was even more glad for that decision because he couldn't imagine being apart from Cas after he had finally ended up in a relationship with him.

"Do you think we'll lose touch with our friends?"

"Maybe with some of them, eventually," Cas said. "Not with all of them though. Charlie won't let go of us anytime soon."

"True," Dean said and glanced at the night sky. "To be honest, I'm a little scared. I have no idea what my future will be like."

"I'm scared too."

Dean hummed. "You were supposed to say something like 'everything will be fine as long as we have each other.'"

"Maybe I wanted to hear _you_ say it."

"You're such a dork." Dean bumped his shoulder against Cas and shoved him slightly.

Cas laughed, "But you still love me?"

Dean looked into Cas' eyes. "Yes, I still love you."

"I love you too."

"Are you going to let me kiss you then?"

"Hmm, I'm not sure if you deserve it?" Cas said, but leaned in and pressed their lips together in a kiss, which Dean was more than happy to return.


	4. Epilogue

"Are you sure this isn't too early?"

"Moon died four years ago, Cas. I think that's enough time."

"No, I mean, isn't it too early for us to get a cat together? We've only recently moved in together."

"College sure made you lose all concept of time. It's been ten months. We've been dating for almost four years. Everything will be fine," Dean squeezed Cas' hand and led him into the animal shelter. "We just have to find a perfect little fur ball for us."

They'd visited this shelter a few times before, but this time they were ready to adopt. As he looked around, Dean's eyes fell on one particular cat. It had light brown and white fur with dark circles around its blue eyes.

"What is it?" Cas asked him when he realized he had stopped.

"This one looks so familiar."

"It's a snowshoe cat," Cas said. "It looks like Grumpy Cat."

Dean shook his head. "No, that is not it."

"Come on, Dean, let's go there."

Cas dragged Dean away, but Dean's mind drifted back to that cat. He was trying to focus on what Cas was saying, but then he realized it. "Bucky!"

"What?"

"The cat reminds me of Bucky. In the Winter Soldier when he has smudged eyeliner and all."

Cas rolled his eyes. "I'm dating a geek."

"You're just pissy because I realized it first," he said and made his way back to 'Bucky'. "Cas, look at him."

"Dean, no. We're not adopting a cat because it reminds you of a movie character."

"He's a comic character too."

"Dean! We have to learn everything about a cat's breed before we adopt it. We can't just jump into it. It's a big responsibility."

"Cas, weren't you just talking about the snowshoe breed a few minutes ago? You already know everything you need to. Now look at this cute face. This is our cat."

Cas sighed, but looked at the cat. Dean could see his expression softening and he knew they had found their perfect cat.

"Damn it. You were right."

"Ain't I always?"

After they finished everything at the shelter, there was only one thing left to do.

"We're not naming him Bucky. No way."

"Cas, we have to."

"No, think of something else."

Dean sighed, but gave up. His boyfriend was stubborn as hell when he wanted to be. "What about Winter?"

"Winter?"

"Yeah, because it's a _snow_ shoecat. Plus, you know- _Winter_ Soldier?"

Cas rolled his eyes, "Okay."

"Really? Wow, didn't know it was gonna be that easy. Thought I'd have to persuade you some more." Dean wiggled his eyebrows.

Again Cas rolled his eyes. Dean was starting to worry he was going to hurt himself one day.

Once they were in the security of their apartment Winter strolled around to get used to his new home while Dean followed him around, taking pictures.

"I've gotta send these pics to Charlie. She's gonna love him," he said after Winter fell asleep and there were enough photos of him on Dean's phone. For the first day, at least.

"I think you're more excited about the cat than I am."

"Well, I know it means a lot to you."

"Thank you, Dean," Cas stroked Dean's cheek and kissed him. "I'm very happy we brought Winter into our family."

Dean's stomach fluttered at the word 'family' and he grinned. He and Cas were a family and he couldn't be happier about it.

A few weeks after welcoming their new family member, Dean and Cas lay in their bed, cuddling (as always). They were about to drift asleep when they heard footsteps approaching.

"Winter is coming," Dean mumbled into Cas' neck and the only reason Cas hadn't rolled his eyes was because they were closed. He shouldn't have let Dean become obsessed with Game of Thrones.

"You're a nerd," Cas whispered.

"And you wouldn't have me any other way," Dean responded and Cas couldn't deny it because it was the absolute truth.

The mattress dipped under them as Winter climbed up and lay down beside their feet.

"He really loves sleeping in our bed."

"It's 'cause we're awesome."

Cas chuckled and kissed the top of Dean's head. "I'm so happy."

"Me too, Cas. I don't think life can become any better." Cas could hear a smile in Dean's voice. "I love you."

"I love you too, Dean," Cas whispered back. "Good night."

"'Night, Cas."

As he listened to Dean's light snoring, Cas thought about everything he and Dean had gone through. It hadn't been easy, but they had never let anything get between them. Sometimes Cas still found himself in disbelief that he was actually living this life and not dreaming it.

He felt Winter's fur brush against his skin and he was reminded of the times he had shared a bed with Moon. Even though he didn't feel as sad as before about losing her, he still missed her sometimes. Losing her had been a difficult time in his life, but if it had been meant to happen so he could get to this point, then he wouldn't change anything. Moon would always have a special place in his heart and hopefully Dean would always stay by his side.

Cas snuggled closer to Dean and smiled- he would never get tired of cuddling with Dean. And thankfully there were many, many years of it before them. One day they would expand their family, but for now the three of them- Cas, Dean and Winter- were happy together.

~the end~

 

**Author's Note:**

> Leave kudos or comment if you liked it. And don't forget to [ reblog the art](http://delicious-irony.tumblr.com/post/133552093593/dcbb-2015-cuddling-is-manly-by-breathingdestiel) or [leave kudos](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5245883). Artists need feedback too!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Cuddling](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5245883) by [delicirony (deliciousirony)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/deliciousirony/pseuds/delicirony)




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